Going to america in my NOT-TOP-OF-THE-LINE sheital

amother

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 5:10 am

ok, here goes.
we are going soon for my BIL wedding in the big grand NY. my whole family and my dh whole family will be there.
I do not mean to offend anybody. but I need to be clear about what my family looks like.
everyone is very polished, newyorkish, and sophisticated.
That part I can handle.
I am just very self consious about my shaitel.
where I live I feel fine and pretty in it. But my sils would never dream of wearing such a thing. they all were THE most expensive, from THE finnest makers, of THE toppest quality.
and ahem, mine is a simple, not so flowy, not so full, not so shiny, not so heavy, not so nothing.
I don't know if I am looking for ideas,
coping mechanisms
or just wanted to rant
so feel free to say whatever you feel like

Dev80

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 5:16 am

Are you planning to get it washed and set before you go? A talented sheital macher can give it a little oomf with a wash and set and maybe a little more style. I have a very simple sheital (short no frills) and I actually think it looks sophisticated and beautiful for me. Not everyone needs a flouncy, in your face sheital. And if it's washed and set nicely I don't think you can tell the brand.

Don't feel nebech, you will hopefully look beautiful at the wedding.

Maybe there's something new you can get yourself to feel beautiful - new shoes, a new sweater, a new winter coat? I also feel a bit nebbier when we go to America but then I realize I don't really care and then all is good. But I did find having two new pairs of shoes ordered and waiting for me helped me feel better about myself b/c in Israel I wear anything comfy even if it's old but in America I felt like people look more so the shoes helped me feel more 'with it'

amother

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 5:17 am

I also go through this with my NY sister. It's not just about a sheitel, whatever I wear is not good enough, how I do things is not good enough, obviously I'm not thin enough. I'm not in style enough.

Just let it roll over you. There is no keeping up with the Schwartzes in this kind of thing. I'm sure your sheitel is fine.

Barbara

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 10:06 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

I would be very honest and straight forward with family
Ask them to buy or loan me a nice sheitl
Or else I simply wouldn't go
But that's just me

You would refuse to go to the wedding of your husband's brother because your sheitel isn't as nice as your sister-in-law's?

Words fail me.

amother

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 11:19 am

my shaitel also isn't so nice and I live in an area where most people where stunning shaitels. I find that having freshly washed by a good shaitel macher makes a big difference and after a good pair of hands fixes it up it doesn't really look bad at all.

Decide for your self if you think you are ready to purchase a new one. If not, just make this one as nice as you can and feel good about yourself. Your self confidence and happiness will win people over.

nyer1

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 11:24 am

get a good wash and set ( and / or )a nice hat or headband or accessory to to go on top of the sheital. professional makeup for a close family member's wedding would look gr8 too.. so at least if u don't feel confident in your sheital, makeup will make u feel fabulous… much less than the cost of a new wig.

naturalmom5

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 12:14 pm

Barbara wrote:

You would refuse to go to the wedding of your husband's brother because your sheitel isn't as nice as your sister-in-law's?

Words fail me.

Barbara
I don't need a nice wig . But if they would judge me and make me feel uncomfortable , why should I put myself in that situation

Fox

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 12:22 pm

imaima wrote:

I personally don't like long, flowy, glossy sheitels, especially on mothers of the bride, when the rest of the look doesn't match the hair...

I agree! I always think of the expression, "Mutton dressed as lamb."

As to the OP's dilemma, I would get my shaitel styled and not worry overmuch about the whole thing.

First of all, your family knows that you're not a glamour-puss; you're not going to fool them at this point, and you might as well be the best version of yourself rather than attempt to play dress-up.

Second, no one is going to notice as much as you think. Oh, sure, Great-Tante Zelda, who's 91 and wearing a glossy brown shaitel, a full face of make-up, and 4-inch stillettos will give you that obnoxious look-over. She may even make a snarky comment. But most people will be focused on the kallah. Or worrying about how *they* look.

Contrary to how many people behave, a chassunah is not a Broadway or Hollywood production. It's a celebration and party in which we all put forward our best versions of ourselves.

And if your "best" version of yourself just isn't swank enough for this affair, perhaps you could hire a gorgeous actress to play you for the evening!

amother

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 12:40 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

Barbara
I don't need a nice wig . But if they would judge me and make me feel uncomfortable , why should I put myself in that situation

Who said they were judging her? She feels self-conscious. Big difference.

I dress like a NYer, okay? I like to look nice, and yes, I wear a high end sheitel, have it set frequently. I have different stylish shoes that I switch out frequently. I like to look nice and put together.

But I don't JUDGE people who don't dress like me. One of my closest friends wears plain skirts with elastic waistbands-- that are not particularly flattering on her-, pilly button down shirts, worn out penny loafers, and a band fall that doesn't do much for her face type. I ch"vsh don't judge her.I don;'t think any less of her because she doesn't dress like I do.

I see this a lot on this site-- People think that just because someone drives a nice car, has nice clothes, etc.... that they are looking down on people. Not sure what one has to do with the other.

OP-- I don't think anyone is going to care if you are wearing a $250 Yaffa or $2500 Shevy. Just have it washed and set. Sometimes a fresh dye job or a deep conditioning treatment can help it also.

sourstix

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 12:41 pm

I dont want to go off tangent here. I live in the usa and I always have this problem. pp here look at your clothes all the time. I am so not like that it just doesnt enter my mind. if someone asked me what someone wore I will just look at them like they fell of the moon. these are things I never remember. I am not the only one. I have freinds like me too. it just hurts when I see pp do that. it just shows what they are thinking. and how the external is so important to them. what about the inside? thats so much more important to me. I am proud that I even have this type of personality. life is so much simpler and better.

Dev80

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 12:50 pm

amother wrote:

This doesn't help OP if she does feel judged by family but amother I agree with you, there are many people who are well dressed who do it for themselves/ their spouses and do not judge others or look down on others and can accept everyone as they are. I hope you don't get people shutting you down b/c I really believe you can be beautiful on the outside and on the inside as you describe!

Shuly

Thu, Dec 18 2014, 3:24 pm

OP if you're in Yerushalayim, PM me and I'll give you the number of an excellent sheitel macher who can restyle your sheitel and make it look great. She did mine before my last sibling's wedding in America and I got tons of compliments. I think she charged 150 NIS for a wash, set and new cut.