Need helpful tips...

gr8 mom

Sun, Dec 28 2014, 8:04 am

So I have a 2 and 3 yr old who r adorable but what comes with it is a lot of fighting competition jealousy... Just wanted to hear some tips, advice, methods that others have used or heard... Like when I shud ignore the fighting or when I shud step in and b the mediator and how and when to punish.... Just little tips or advice that u have found helpful when raising ur kids..

TIA

the world's best mom

Sun, Dec 28 2014, 10:09 am

I am not a fan of ignoring when children fight or misbehave.

IMO, time out is great for when a kid hurt someone else for no apparent reason, and sometimes if they keep hurting others, even for a valid reason.

In general, when kids fight over a toy, I do not take sides, but I help each kid learn what they should be saying to the other instead of whatever they've been doing. If they are grabbing, I help them say, "Please can I have it?" or whatever version they are capable of saying. Then the other person cannot say no, but can say in 5 minutes or something- I tell them the maximum amount of minutes they can have before giving the next person a turn.

sitting

Sun, Dec 28 2014, 10:20 am

With sharing I wouldnt say five minutes as that is abstract time for kids that age. We say u can have it while other kid counts to 10/20 then swap and repeat....often this counting and trading becomes a game in itself. U cld also use a 1 minute egg timer.
Time out to me is a good strategy but musnt be a punishment. You will find even teenagerr ur ur dh need a "timr out". So we say "chanie needs some time on her own" or "chanie needs to calm down on her own."
We also use the stairs as a time out place in a more negative way so if one pushes rhe othee its "go sit on the stairs so u can think about not pushing". This has always saved me schlepping a reluctant toddler upstairs or wherever. ..also u dont want bedroom to be a negative place (and for sure not bed). So nap time is not a punishment its "u keep throwinf urself on the floor and screaminf which tells me ur tired. We will go have a nap and u will c how much better u feel.
Ps just to say it gets easier so quickly. Mine r now 3 and 4 (bigger ones too) and the bickering/fighting has rly slowed.
If one is cryong and u wanna intervene u shld...ask whats wrong and he says "chanie hit me or took my toy or called me a baby....et. etc" ur response should always be "ok so what can u do about it?" They learn ur correct answers. ..move away from chanie..,.tell a grown up..,twll her she made me sad/angry...etc.
Or u say "what can we say to chanie?"
Goal being child learns for himself how to negotiate. ..express his feelings etc.
good lu k and hope that helps a bit