They're already enemies at 2 years old!

amother

Mon, Dec 29 2014, 6:57 pm

I do a round robin playgroup for my 2 year old ds. Once a week they're in my house, and once in each of the other kids' homes. There are only 2 other kids in the group besides ds.

Well, this little girl dislikes ds with a passion, and ds dislikes her back. They are both very verbal, B"H, and they don't try to pretend they like each other. The little girl tells me every time she comes to my house, "I don't like him!" And ds told me, "I don't like Penelope. She screams at me." He used to like her, before she came with her attitude. Penelope also tends to grab from both other kids a lot, and she scratched the 3rd kid's face last week.

I have a hard time dealing with this fairly since my son is being picked on. I've discovered, though, that if I'm very on top of them and I intervene as soon as the grabbing starts, we can often have peaceful one minute turns with each toy.

Today, playgroup was in Penelope's house. Around 40 minutes before it was over, her mother called me to say she thinks ds is sick, because he is just sitting in the stroller crying for a long time. I picked him up, and he was crying hysterically. His eyes were all puffy. It took him a while to calm down, but then he told me why he was so upset. He wanted the other stroller, not the red one, but Penelope didn't want to share it, so she pulled his hair and scratched his nose. His nose has a nice scratch across it.

Tomorrow, they are supposed to come to my house, but I really wish Penelope would stop hurting kids and start liking my ds before she comes to play in my house again. On the other hand, they are only 2. I can't hold it against her. She is pretty cute. How am I supposed to handle this situation?

Optione

Mon, Dec 29 2014, 7:02 pm

This sounds very stressful. Can you have a conversation with the girl's mother about how they both don't seem to be playing nicely with each other and perhaps you each should talk to your own toddler tomorrow morning about being nice z keeping hands away from other kids, etc.? If you put it in terms of you both talking to your own toddlers, then perhaps she won't be defensive...

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Dec 29 2014, 7:20 pm

Alas some people are not for each other.

It might change later, but it might not, and for now, your son should not be exposed to this aggressive person he clearly cannot handle.

They have to come, but stay right on her case, like white on rice, and it's ok if she notices.

When all has peacefully ended this time, state regretfully you are pulling him out.

Sometimes you have to admit defeat. It's ok. You will find another group.

Last edited by Dolly Welsh on Mon, Dec 29 2014, 7:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

Learning

Mon, Dec 29 2014, 7:20 pm

This girl is bullying your boy. I would just stop having any play dates are with Her or any Merry go round with her. She is really making him miserable. It's not like he is in her class in school and he can't switch school. I feel bad for your son. The title should be. My son is being bullied. He doesn't like her because she is hurting him. She dounds like a mean troubled girl even though she is pretty and cute.

amother

Mon, Dec 29 2014, 9:58 pm

Thanks for the replies.

I am not ready to give up on this yet, especially since ds has loved going to playgroup until now. He and the other kid are very good friends. Penelope started out just a bit contrary in the beginning of the year, and she seems to be getting worse each week. I'll have too see how it goes tomorrow. And I'll have to speak to the other mothers to be more on top of them when they have the kids over.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Dec 29 2014, 10:30 pm

Talk to the mother of ds's friend, and see if the you two can oust Penelope from the group. You'll probably have to take on an extra day to make up for it, but you'll be glad you did.

I've done plenty of care groups, and in my experience these things only get worse. They don't call them the Terrible Twos for nothing! Now, I won't even take a two year old unless they have a very mellow, happy go lucky attitude. No amount of money is worth that kind of stress.

amother

Mon, Dec 29 2014, 11:07 pm

The problem is, Penelope and the other kid are first cousins. Penelope's aunt is not interested in kicking her out, although she did comment to me that her own kid and mine don't fight with each other ever, while Penelope fights with both of the others. Even if we would kick her out, that would leave us with only 2 kids. Not much of a playgroup, and neither one of us is able to take on a second day. So either we all stick together, or we call off the whole thing, which would be a shame.

Learning

Tue, Dec 30 2014, 12:04 am

It looks like ds is really suffering. Find another playgroup.

groovy1224

Tue, Dec 30 2014, 2:18 am

It sounds like this kind of setting is not right for her. She's obviously more aggressive in nature, and if she's going to be with other kids, she needs to be with an experienced morah who's getting paid to know how to handle it.
I understand it would be a shame to shut down the whole thing, but meanwhile your son is suffering daily. I would figure it another daycare situation, if it were me.

chani8

Tue, Dec 30 2014, 2:27 am

Perhaps Penelope is going through some stress in her life right now, like a new sibling or a move? Her aggression is too high. She's not a safe playmate for your son right now.

amother

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 1:49 am

This is OP, reviving this thread a month later.

We have stuck with this playgroup and things have changed, in some ways for the better. Yet I'm so sad at the thought of bringing my son tomorrow.

Here's the story. Penelope has stopped bullying my son for the most part. I am not finding her to be too aggressive at all anymore. Instead, she is unhappy. She cried last week for the last hour and a half that she was in my house. Inconsolable, loud sobbing. That was after asking for her mommy for an hour.

The next day, she was in her aunt's house and she cried almost the entire time. Then she fell asleep on the couch. I feel bad for her.

Ds loves going to Charlie's house. (That's what I'll call the third kid, who's Penelope's cousin.) He complained when I came to pick him up last time that he didn't want to come home. He and Charlie are the best of friends. They are adorable together. Ds also loves when Charlie comes to our house, and he doesn't object to having Penelope over with him. He would be devastated if we stopped having playgroup with Charlie.

The problem is when they have to go to Penelope's house. Ds doesn't want to go. I think he's still tramatized from the time she pulled his hair and scratched him. He cried a lot there last week, and he's not usually a crier. He wasn't mad at Penelope, he was mad because he had to wait for his turn for a toy and because he didn't like the lunch. He cried for almost an hour about the lunch. That is very unlike him. He played also, and he stopped crying to sing songs with the others. But then he went back to crying because he needed a tissue.

I feel like I should stay with him one day to help him be happy there again, but tomorrow they are going there and I have an appointment that I must go to. He already told me he doesn't want to go to Penelope's house tomorrow. I don't want to leave him there. I don't believe in abandoning two year olds in places where they are not happy.

I don't want to stop the playgroup because he loves Charlie. He has two amazing days each week, and one sad one. There is no option of doing the playgroup with just him and Charlie. It's either all three or nothing.

I think I may be able to help him become happier in Penelope's house if I stay with him- as long as she continues to keep her hands off him- but I can't be there for him tomorrow and that is making me very sad.

amother

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 1:57 am

OP again.

I want to add that ds does not cry when I bring him to Penelope's house. He tells me before we get there that he doesn't want to go, but once we walk in, he goes to play happily. He just has less tolerance for frustration there, so he cries more easily.

chani8

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 6:15 am

Something is wrong with Penelope. Don't let your son go to her house unsupervised. Hire a babysitter for your appt tomorrow.