SUCH A KVETCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

southernbubby

Wed, Dec 31 2014, 10:51 pm

I like to use bibliotherapy for these types of grandchild issues. I am a big fan of a store near me called the Self Esteem shop and the lady that owns the place is a really good listener and recommends books that address the issue. The idea is to read the child a book about a kid that kvetches and let the kid identify with the kvetch and see how he can communicate more positively.

seeker

Wed, Dec 31 2014, 11:29 pm

Laughing Bag! wrote:

Seeker It seems that you either don't have a child that 'Is A KVETCH' or you are by nature a very strong CALM person. You seem to have the right advice but do you really understand how it feels to Live with a kvetchy child Idk. Like in my house when dd walks in everyone knows.I can't say she Always kvetches. She has her days or times that she doesn't but 90% of the time she does and it can drive you insane. So yeah refrasing can take 20 minutes here and she 'almost' missed her bus but I didn't care because I had a purpose. Bh she made it and went with a smile and calm. But I was halfway drained and sometimes it just takes longer and harder.
So again it ain't easy and it isn't a fix it thing. Its a long process. Not in vain do they say that children are the best teachers. They teach us self control, patience, communication... 😃

LOL I am by nature totally un-calm, un-strong and I do have a child who has been in a kvetchy phase that I HOPE and pray will pass without her being a "kvetchy child" for life. I did not mean to be patronizing or offer any kind of quick-n-easy solution, just a couple of tips OP could try if she didn't already. But I still hold by what I said because I truly feel I know my grounds on this one - plenty of parenting issues flummox me but because it is clear and important to me that I don't want my kid to get away with being a kvetch, I stand my ground on this one, and started to do so very early on so there wasn't much un-doing to do. While she still has a tendency to kvetch, she also does understand what is expected of her - at this point she still often (but maybe less often, definitely not always) tries the kvetch first but knows full well what to do when I give her the look. I think part of the problem is that others in her life aren't as consistent about this as I am. She still often has a negative outlook on things, I hope continued work will help her balance it out. And I do not drain myself by giving her 20 minutes to rephrase; if she doesn't do it right away then she simply loses out on whatever it is she wanted. Sure this results in massive fits sometimes. Sorry...

Laughing Bag!

Thu, Jan 01 2015, 2:35 am

seeker wrote:

That's why I said you have the right advice but wasn't sure if you understood the situation as well because sometimes I can just become drained from the kvetching and it is close to impossible to 'ignore it. Period.'
The 20 min I mentioned were not even sometbing she 'wanted' it was part of the morning routine and getting dressed and ready for school instead of talking it was whining and kvetching and moaning and what not... in the end she said what she wanted got it and even finished getting ready on time with a. Calm smile. But it was hard, for me forsure.