Rubbing/pinching her nipples... a LOT

amother

Sun, Jan 11 2015, 7:29 pm

This has been going on for quite a while, years perhaps, but I kept ignoring it thinking it would just fade with time. But not only is it continuing as much as ever, she seems to be doing it increasingly more deliberately. For example it used to be just rubbing/pinching herself but tonight I noticed her in bed licking her hand and then doing it, I guess for more sensation...

I don't want to draw attention to it and risk making it more of an issue, but at what point and how should she learn to cut back on it? I don't want her to feel shame about enjoying her body but on the other hand is it OK for a young girl to constantly seek nipple stimulation? It doesn't seem so normal to me... I don't know...

Having a hard time with this kid in other areas so I'm nervous about adding this to the mix of things to worry about. But I feel like it will have to come up eventually and I want to be ready.

amother

Sun, Jan 11 2015, 9:09 pm

Sensory seekers are tough kids. They tend to be very intense and often very needy. And they're more likely to calm themselves with physical stimulation that adults consider s*xual in nature, so we often see this combo here on imamother- a difficult child who touches themselves in an "inappropriate" way.

First, know that it's completely normal. It's a method of self soothing and is very relaxing for your DD.

Also know that you don't need to stop the behavior. You posted in preschoolers, so we're not talking about a preteen walking around with her hands down her shirt.

You can have a conversation with her about parts of the body that are private. We touch them in the bathroom or on the bedroom. Talk about who's allowed to touch her and how. Explain that our bodies are a special gift from Hashem and we keep them covered, just like we keep a Torah wrapped in a mantle and only take it out at the right times.

Gently remind her when necessary, but don't make a huge deal. I did it, my kids did it, everyone turned out ok thank G-d. So will she.

amother

Sun, Jan 11 2015, 9:27 pm

So she does tend to be sensory seeking in other ways, true. But this just seems to be going a little overboard with the added licking... I definitely try not to think anything of it when she does it to herself in bed, it seems to be a self-soothing mechanism, whatever (the licking for some reason unnerved me...) also in the bathtub, I pretend not to notice. But when I see her walking around with her hands in her shirt I try to gently engage her hands and pull down the shirt. True she's a preschooler and not a preteen, but that's why I'm wondering at what point in between preschool and preteen is it supposed to end.

amother

Sun, Jan 11 2015, 9:44 pm

First have a conversation about only in the bathroom and bedroom, and gently remind when necessary. All you need to say is "bathroom or bedroom, remember?".

As she gets older she'll begin to understand herself that some behaviors are just not ok in public and it will gradually taper off on its own. She may still do it, but it will be in the bathroom or bedroom and as she gets older you won't see.

Again. It's totally normal. You don't need to stop the behavior, just guide her to a private place. There's no reason to teach her that pleasant physical sensations are bad.