 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
|
 Sun, Jan 11 2015, 3:27 pm
My oldest child has some issues with his behavior.
Professionals would say he needs some extra warmth and attention.
As parents we try to give him the best we can but of course sometimes we fail.
For example................
So my kids fell asleep quite fast today. My oldest came out several times from his bed claiming that he can't fall asleep and that he is jealous of his younger brother who is sleeping so peaceful.
So I told him to go back to bed and try again.
After a while I hear my younger one crying. When I went to check upon he tells me he's freezing = his blanket was gone.
I go to check on his older brother - turns out he took away his blanket!!
How would you react to this
| |
|
| Back to top |
 3
 0
|
amother
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 3:40 pm
No snacks for week, no bye-bye (don't know how old child he is ) . Make him write apology letter.
My 6 yr old peed on my 3 yr old ( many many years ago  ) . I made him undress him, do a load of laundry, bath him , and read him to him for a week. He didn't do it again...
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
3
|
Maya
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 3:50 pm
A child should never be punished with food, especially if the offense was not food related.
What do you mean by no bye-bye? Not sending the child off to school with a greeting? That's just the worst advice ever.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
19
|
granolamom
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 4:13 pm
in the short term, you want the consequence to be as related to the offense as possible(and even better if its a natural consequence but in this case that would be having to listen to a crying sibling, and I'm not sure thats enough to stop the behavior). so I would not take away snacks or bye-bye (what do you mean by that, amother?). I would tell the older one that he has to go to bed earlier than the younger one because he disturbed the younger's sleep. that way, older one would be sleeping before younger, so younger could go to sleep without being bothered. my older ones hate going to be before the youngers. this type of thing worked well here (we had issues similar to the one you posted OP). and if the younger is ready for bed and tired before the older is asleep, I would let him (the younger) go to bed in my bed and move him later.
I would do this the night after the incident and then give the older a chance on the next night to respect his brother's sleep.
in the long term, you want to address the underlying needs. are you working with a professional? or just saying that he needs more warmth and attention? are you sure that's what he needs? it might be something else entirely unless you are aware of a lack in these areas.
if you do know that he needs more warmth and attention, perhaps look at these behaviors through that lens. if he came out of bed to complain that he's jealous that the younger is asleep, maybe what he was REALLY saying was please spend some time with me, I need a bit more warmth and attention before I go to sleep. if that was his meaning, you totally missed it (happens to the best of us) and sent him back to bed. so he 'had to' up the ante by disturbing the younger brother thereby getting more attention from you(albeit negative)
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
17
|
amother
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 4:16 pm
| Maya wrote: | A child should never be punished with food, especially if the offense was not food related.
What do you mean by no bye-bye? Not sending the child off to school with a greeting? That's just the worst advice ever. |
Sorry for being unclear..
No bye bye, means only school and shopping and Dr appt... No yard privileges, no fun trips....
No going outside to play
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
2
|
debsey
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 4:49 pm
| amother wrote: | My oldest child has some issues with his behavior.
Professionals would say he needs some extra warmth and attention.
As parents we try to give him the best we can but of course sometimes we fail.
For example................
So my kids fell asleep quite fast today. My oldest came out several times from his bed claiming that he can't fall asleep and that he is jealous of his younger brother who is sleeping so peaceful.
So I told him to go back to bed and try again.
After a while I hear my younger one crying. When I went to check upon he tells me he's freezing = his blanket was gone.
I go to check on his older brother - turns out he took away his blanket!!
How would you react to this | get a therapist to help you deal with this situation. He acted out impulsively - that's not the end of the world, but you do need to set a consequence so he doesn't do it again. Also, he needs to learn how to self-soothe and fall asleep. Don't assume you know what a professional WOULD say - consult with one!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
3
|
amother
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 4:54 pm
"A child should never...."
Ugh...
Every individual and situation are different.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
amother
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 5:06 pm
Well he came out after having spending some time with him and telling him a story etc.
He fell asleep and didn't even see that his brother woke up...
I did consult with several specialists but they couldn't figure out what the root of the problem is.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
debsey
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 5:10 pm
| amother wrote: | Well he came out after having spending some time with him and telling him a story etc.
He fell asleep and didn't even see that his brother woke up...
I did consult with several specialists but they couldn't figure out what the root of the problem is. | by "consult with several specialists" do you mean found a licensed, board certified mental health professional, made an appointment with your child, had an evaluation, and then they were baffled?" or do you mean said something to my pediatrician in passing? Or "asked my tanta chanie who is an experienced school principal at a wedding?"
This sounds like a situation that could be helped with some professional intervention, but it won't be solved overnight.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
9
|
greenfire
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 5:13 pm
sibling rivalry stems from jealousy ...
the kid himself told you so
explain to him how it wasn't the best behavior & find him something special to soothe him to sleep so he feels 'special' too
please do not punish him harshly as it will backfire
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
8
|
imasinger
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 8:26 pm
Was he old enough to compute that younger brother would be cold without a blanket? I wouldn't assume that level of reasoning until maybe 8 or so.
First thing you might do is talk to him.
"Last night, did you take Yanky's blanket? Why? What happened to your own blanket? Did you think that Yanky's blanket is magic and makes kinderlach fall asleep quickly? Or were you cold, even with your own blanket? How do you think Yanky felt when he didn't have any blanket at all to keep him warm at night? In fact, he woke up crying because he was cold. What do you think you should say to him? Will you ever take a blanket away from someone again?
Let's make a list of some ways we could solve the problem of having trouble falling asleep..."
You might offer a special sleep blanket available from you on request, melatonin, a grownup to sit by the door for 10 minutes, a special new sleep toy, a sticker chart where he could earn prizes for staying in his bed, a drink of warm milk, an earned later bedtime... You and he decide, based on your situation.
And I agree that if there are ongoing issues, look for further evaluation, or maybe a parenting class. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because the best way to gain more ideas for how to deal with him may be by doing so.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
15
|
FranticFrummie
|
Sun, Jan 11 2015, 8:45 pm
| imasinger wrote: | Was he old enough to compute that younger brother would be cold without a blanket? I wouldn't assume that level of reasoning until maybe 8 or so.
First thing you might do is talk to him.
"Last night, did you take Yanky's blanket? Why? What happened to your own blanket? Did you think that Yanky's blanket is magic and makes kinderlach fall asleep quickly? Or were you cold, even with your own blanket? How do you think Yanky felt when he didn't have any blanket at all to keep him warm at night? In fact, he woke up crying because he was cold. What do you think you should say to him? Will you ever take a blanket away from someone again?
Let's make a list of some ways we could solve the problem of having trouble falling asleep..."
You might offer a special sleep blanket available from you on request, melatonin, a grownup to sit by the door for 10 minutes, a special new sleep toy, a sticker chart where he could earn prizes for staying in his bed, a drink of warm milk, an earned later bedtime... You and he decide, based on your situation.
And I agree that if there are ongoing issues, look for further evaluation, or maybe a parenting class. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because the best way to gain more ideas for how to deal with him may be by doing so. |
This is the best, most logical, and most compassionate reply yet. 
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
9
|
Ruchel
|
Mon, Jan 12 2015, 5:35 am
Ask why.
Give dlkz while you can.
And if on purpose to harm (and not some silly joke or wtv), make it up to sibling and yes punishment (mean Euro mom here).
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Cookie Monster
|
Mon, Jan 12 2015, 7:06 am
| amother wrote: | Sorry for being unclear..
No bye bye, means only school and shopping and Dr appt... No yard privileges, no fun trips....
No going outside to play |
Again, punishment is totally unrelated to the crime. Granolamom's advice is spot on!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
2
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
