DS Addicted to Watching TV?!

amother

Mon, Jan 12 2015, 11:41 pm

My son is in 3rd grade. It seems that he has become completely obsessed/addicted to watching movies and tv. It's become more pervasive in our home in recent months and he's taken to it with a gusto. Mornings before school, after school, after dinner, erev shabbos, motzei shabbos, sunday. He tries to refuse to go to school on Friday's and Sundays so that he can watch. His grades have fallen, he's stopped working hard academically and teachers have noticed the change. If he can't watch something he enjoys, he's willing to play an electronic game (tablet, phone, computer, etc.). I've been aware of the issue but didn't realize the extent until this morning. I was in the house getting ready to go to work (but later then I usually leave), when I glanced outside and saw him in the driveway. I asked him what happened and this is what DH and I got out of him: he missed the bus (not on purpose), came back to the house and instead of going inside, waited outside for over an hour. He was waiting for us to leave so that he can come inside the house and miss school and watch tv all day without us knowing (we do have a full time babysitter in the house for our baby). We are shocked, upset and disappointed, not to mention the serious safety issues involved in his actions. We have some ideas but would like to hear from others. TIA

momX4

Mon, Jan 12 2015, 11:52 pm

Get rid of the tv and computers. It should be locked up/password protect if you cant get rid of it. Your DS should be busy with school work now. Give him a choice, tv or trips for school vacation. Offer him incentives, like ice cream store, for finishing school work. Talk to your school for help motivating him.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 13 2015, 12:34 am

You need to get rid of all of his TV and video privileges until he can get his grades back up and he shows you that he can keep them up. If he does that, let him earn TV a half an hour at a time, and get him to do extra chores for extra time.

He'll have a fit at first, but that will just show you that you were right to take it away in the first place.

As long as it's not raining, snowing, or dark outside, he should be riding a bicycle or playing ball with his friends anyway. Boys who are expected to sit and learn all day need extra exercise to balance it out. Otherwise, you're going to be dealing with a couch potato who will be living in your basement when he's 40 years old.

Believe me, nobody wants that!

the world's best mom

Tue, Jan 13 2015, 6:56 am

The theory of absolute is a must here. If he knows he can watch sometimes, then he will always want to watch. If he knows it is absolutely never happening, he will eventually move on to other things.

In order to do this, he needs to have no access to any electronics that can feed into this problem. No access at all.

However, in general it's okay for the theory of absolute to only apply sometimes. For example, in my house, videos and computer games are totally off limits Monday through Thursday, so my kids usually don't ask for it on those days. On Friday afternoons and Sundays I do allow some, and you can bet they ask for it all day then.

Since your son is so addicted, I recommend no watching ever for a few months. Then maybe you can start allowing once or twice a week. But it has to be a consistent time of week, and it has to be strictly that time. There still has to be absolutely none the rest of the week.

amother

Tue, Jan 13 2015, 10:02 am

this is no different than any other addiction.

go cold turkey

YOU need to try as hard as possible not to use a screen in front of him. Its not fair for him to see you on your phone even if it's for work.

we found the passwords on the tv didnt work (not that our kids got around it but the tv didnt do what it said it would do with a password). We bought a lock for the tv. This is what we got.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/produ.....psc=1

You need to also address the sneaking around. No that is not the root of the problem but he needs to know what he just did IS NOT OKAY. He needs to learn that lying to you is WORSE than telling you something bad. I know people who tell their kids if you tell ME the truth verses me finding out I will not punish you but if I find out from someone else "so help you G-d". I do that with a little twist because I dont think that is okay because you are letting the bad behavior still occur.

I tell my kids that if I found out (by myself or someone else telling me) that you LIED "So Help you G-d" However, if you come and tell me first, you will still be punished but you'll get credit for owning up to your mistake.

momX4

Tue, Jan 13 2015, 11:07 pm

amother wrote:

Op here. Thanks for great advice. We will go cold turkey. Any ideas of how to tell them? I well do it by Wednesday dinner. I need them to know I'm serious but don't want to make it into a punishment.

Be honest. Tell your family that to much screen time isnt healthy. Kids that watch TV cant concentrate as well in school and do poorly on exams. You want your kids to be the best that they can be, and not have any distractions. Sympathize with them about how hard it would be. Take out books from the library, have board games available, crafts... for them to entertain themselves.

Dont let your family blame anyone. Just like some families go whole wheat for health reasons, your family is becoming "screen-free".

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jan 13 2015, 11:10 pm

amother wrote:

Op here. Thanks for great advice. We will go cold turkey. Any ideas of how to tell them? I well do it by Wednesday dinner. I need them to know I'm serious but don't want to make it into a punishment.

Good for you!

I never yell or "punish" DD. We talk about logical consequences and responsibility. He behaved in an irresponsible way, and the consequence is directly connected to his behavior. Abuse the TV privilege, and TV gets taken away. 1+1=2, no argument.

A "punishment" that would not be logical would be to take away dessert for a month. It wouldn't connect to the TV, and wouldn't make any sense to him in the long run. Same thing with yelling.

Simply sit down and calmly let him know what your decision is. If he chooses to tantrum about it, stay perfectly calm and let him rage all he wants. Stand firm, and keep explaining cause and effect. He needs to know that this is not some unfair, random edict on your part, and that you will NOT be negotiated out of your decision.

Please let us know how it goes!

BTW, this post was brought to you by "Parenting With Love and Logic", my new favorite book. I recommend it to everyone. It's been amazing for my relationship with DD, and we're both much happier these days.