ideas for 14 year old adhd child after school

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

Ideas for 14 year old adhd child after school

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amother

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 2:34 am

I need to find positive activities for my 14 year old son after school

no computers

any ideas?
He loves nature

imasinger

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 3:32 am

What time does he finish school, and how much time are you looking to fill?

amother

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 3:44 am

4 pm

so basically 4 hours but I need something that makes him feel good

he feels very low of himself now

plus when he is around too much he ends up bothering his siblings

imasinger

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 4:51 am

Homework should take up some of that. And dinner, and chores.

Here are some things my kids with ADHD enjoy:

(Some involve DVD tutorials).

Playing/practicing an instrument (lessons from good teacher needed)

Reading/creative writing (fanfiction)

Learning to do magic

Learning to solve a Rubik's cube

Sudoku

Learning to breakdance

Playing board games with siblings or friends

Riding bike or scooter to do light grocery shopping, hang out with friends, or to library (note: this doesn't work right now if you are on the northern hemisphere).

One thing that REALLY helps is to have a written schedule, with a written list of choices he helps develop. First thing when he gets home, he uses the master schedule to make a plan for that day, which he writes down and gets rewarded for following.

It will be labor intensive on your part at first to get him used to doing this. But knowing how to make and keep a written schedule will be a huge help to him for the rest of his life, so incredibly worth the investment. I wish I had known to do this for my oldest with ADHD, but his school day was longer, and I also didn't learn it till recently.

amother

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 6:06 am

he has no homework and lots of time to be bored

I badly need to work on a list and schedule so he is not so bored

boredom is leading to trouble

Chavas

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 6:21 am

A boy like this needs structured activities that also allow him to build confidence and develop his concentration. Being busy is very important. Do not expect him to be independently motivated at this point, and helping him may require extra carpools. Martial arts is a great way for him to learn focus, burn energy, and gain confidence. Any other athletics offered in your neighborhood should also be explored. This time of year basketball and hockey have leagues. Even if you are a very yeshivish family, this is a constructive use of his time. Swimming is tiring, and also an important skill. Depending on his interests, art and/or music lessons are important. Basically, I'm suggesting one structured activity every day, perhaps from 5:30-6:30. A bit of down time before and after, and also getting ready time before. One home responsibility that he can successfully complete daily that he will be thanked/praised for. A chavrusah and maariv, reading or maybe a game, and then ready for bed. Structured and busy works best and will require you to be very organized and positive with him. In my city there is structured learning every evening and also extra Pirchei activities twice a week. There really is no time to annoy anyone or get bored.

amother

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 6:31 am

Quote:

yes this is exactly what I need for him. At this point he doesn't want to learn - I'm hoping once he feels better of himself that can change. We are talking about a very smart kid using a 1% of his potential for the positive.

unfortunately sports are discouraged in my neighborhood

Chavas

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 6:52 am

You might have to go against the grain a bit. Without self worth, he won't be interested in Judaism.

amother

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 8:17 am

Quote:

You might have to go against the grain a bit. Without self worth, he won't be interested in Judaism.

I agree and that's why I'm looking for ideas

so far he doesn't like any of mine

imasinger

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 9:17 am

Pretty amazing he has made it to age 14 without developing any interests or hobbies. Since he likes outdoors, can you find him some way to volunteer at a nature reserve or work with animals?

Don't worry about what the neighbors say. Your child needs to find his derech, with your help.

If you post what general area you are in, people may be able to suggest resources.

amother

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 11:45 am

Quote:

Since he likes outdoors, can you find him some way to volunteer at a nature reserve or work with animals?

this sounds like a great idea
He was on a farm for 1 year and loved it but we don't live in a farm area

we are in Israel - gush etzion - near yerushalayim

FranticFrummie

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 11:59 am

amother wrote:

Quote:

Since he likes outdoors, can you find him some way to volunteer at a nature reserve or work with animals?

this sounds like a great idea
He was on a farm for 1 year and loved it but we don't live in a farm area

we are in Israel - gush etzion - near yerushalayim

Can he work in an animal shelter or vet office? Get a job as a dog walker? Any sort of part time job, like landscaping or stocking grocery store shelves?

Many people in Israel will adopt a golden retriever puppy to train for a year as a seeing eye dog for the blind. Halachically it's different than having a pet because it's a working animal, and you're not having it for your own pleasure (that's just a side benefit). It's a huge mitzvah! When we make Aliyah, DD wants to do this desperately, and we're looking into it.

I think it's a shame that religious communities are against sports, especially for boys. Physical health is every bit as important as Torah learning, and boys who exercise are actually better learners because it stimulates the brain.

I have a friend who's son learns full time at Mir, and he started an Ultimate Frisbee team for the men to play on their breaks. At first the Rosh Yeshivah thought he was insane, but it's been so successful that the team now has full support and acceptance.

amother

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 12:06 pm

My problem is that I live in a charedi city where sports are looked down upon and so are dogs.

we did think of moving but I have other kids in the picture so moving is not an option now.

amother

Wed, Jan 14 2015, 12:29 pm

Hello,

Some ideas -

There are some great new yiddeshe series on playing keyboard.

How about growing herbs, and when the weather improves, he can plant vegetables. Even if you don't have a backyard, he can plant veggies in pots or window boxes.

Some kids love cooking and baking and can become very skilled. He can help plan a menu and execute it.
Or you can give him a set job - like making 1 dessert for each shabbos or 1 kugel.

Would he be interested in visiting older homebound individuals? or nursing home? Offer to provide respite for a special child. You many be surprised at what he can do.

Hope these ideas are helpful

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