Husband wants to move out of state. Im torn...

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wonderwoman101

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 10:47 am

My husband has been talking about leaving NY and moving to FL for years already. These past 2 months were his final straw and he decided its time to make the move.
We all went through pneumonia, my 3 yr old had to be hospitalized for 3 days for oxygen and 2 days after coming home she caught the flu and so did my 1 yr old. on top of that starting 2015, my husbands job decided to change all the commission structures without discussion or any flexibility (my husband works only on commission). And that's when he decided his mazal has ran out here and hes sick and tired of having sick kids (I forgot to mention my 3 yr old also had pneumonia 3 times last yr).
as beautiful as living in florida sounds, NY is all I know. I conveniently live just a few blocks from my mother whom I became very close to after having my first child. even though I barely see her anymore cuz I just feel like everyone is so busy and caught up in their own life. sometimes that's what gets me motivated to just make the move. I really try not to rely on anyone for anything just cuz I see how busy everyone really is. its just the mental thing of knowing ur family is so far away and what if one day ull really need them.
another thing is my house. we bought our house about 6 years ago and completely re-did the whole thing. yes, being that its in Brooklyn its a small house but I feel like we put so much into it and to give it up already...
I don't know, maybe im just giving myself excuses. I know people move all the time and even move to the other side of the world from what they are familiar with. I need someone here to please give me advice or strength on how to go about this. im completely torn. I want both places even though I know that's impossible. I know life in florida will be sunny and beautiful, but I also feel like it will be lonely.
what are your thoughts?

imaima

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 10:53 am

Can you rent out the house so you could move back if it doesn't work out in Florida?

greenfire

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 10:53 am

moves are always difficult ...

write down on paper the pros & cons - one list for each of you - see how it looks then & make a decision out of logic rather than of emotion

good luck !!!

sky

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 11:08 am

I agree with @imaima not to rush to sell. And maybe rent a year in Florida to see where you would like to live and if you will be happy there.

I would do at least 2 pilot trips down there and spend shabbos in the community. Visit the schools and speak to people. Also in shul, the stores, etc. Get a feel for the community before rushing into anything. Try to come up with specific questions beforehand.

I know people who moved to new communities and their impressions and expectations weren't true to real life because when you meet people some issues might be hidden because you don't discuss it without outsiders or to encourage people to move. So try to see as much as you can yourself.

It is hard to move away from family. Like when your daughter was in the hospital, or when you have a new baby do you fall back on your family for help. What would happen if they weren't around?

doctorima

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 11:10 am

People get sick in Florida too. Does he have a job lined up there that will pay more than his current position? Could you go there for an extended weekend to check it out, see shuls, neighborhoods, schools, etc.?

Sanguine

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 11:20 am

I'm from Brooklyn. We lived in Florida for 2 years before we came on Aliya. Florida is wonderful. Not only cause it's sunny Cool

(It's also deadly hot in the summer Sad

), but it's the whole difference of life OOT. People are more relaxed there. Life is slower (sometimes you think their brains are a little melted). It's like being on vacation year round. In NY I'd spend an hour crushed on the subway going to work. In Florida I'd ride 15 minutes in my car and park in front of work. The supermarkets have old/retired men who pack your bags and then wheel them to your car and put the stuff in your trunk for you (you feel a little silly). For your little Brooklyn house you can have a big house with a pool in Florida. Flights are very cheap so you can visit your parents a few times a year, or them you.

Do you know of the community you're talking about? Go visit for a Shabbat and a few days. You'll never want to leave.

chatouli

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 12:37 pm

OP, I'm with you. My DH would move down there if he could find a job in an instant. I have mixed feelings about it but if it would improve our quality of life as much as I think it might, I'd do it. My family is up here too so that would be hard for me. And might kill my mother Sad

DH is from Miami so his family is still there and we are very close with them.

The thing is, it can be very hard to find a good job down there. I don't know what your DH does for a living, but from my experience (which may well be not representative, so anyone can feel free to educate me if I'm wrong), everyone my DH knows who stayed in Miami works for a family business. For regular people like us without a family business to join, parnassa can be a challenge.

monseychick

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 12:45 pm

You do realize, that malaria, and other maladies are very common there. (According to my aunts in Coconut Creek and Miami, never lived there myself)

Summer down there, is absolutely unbearable. I was by a Sheva Brochos in July once, in NMB. Opening the sliding door to back yard was like pizza oven.

Is Baltimore a possibility. Two years ago they had really bad blizzards. But usually its a bit milder than NY.

SRS

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 12:46 pm

Does he have a job lined up in Florida?

Sanguine

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 12:50 pm

monseychick wrote:

You do realize, that malaria, and other maladies are very common there. (According to my aunts in Coconut Creek and Miami, never lived there myself)

Oh and the alligators - How did I forget??

Shani88

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 1:05 pm

I think you first need to make sure it's 100% practical and doable for you as a family to move to Florida. Does your dh have a job? Can you find work there? Have you found a house you want to rent/buy that you can afford? Did you try out the community and like it? Do you have friends there? Find schools for your kids etc. Not worth dealing with the emotional aspects of moving if it's not going to work out practically...

wonderwoman101

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 2:01 pm

we are looking into Pembroke pines area. my husband does small business loans and his type of job can be done from anywhere. and from what he claims a lot of the lenders he works with now are located in fl and he strongly believes if it wouldn't work out at his current job that the lenders in fl would jump for him to work for them.
we are only looking for jewish areas that have walking distance to shuls. the area we are looking into we have a friend living there who says he and his family love it there and wouldn't dream of coming back to ny.

sky

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 2:29 pm

I think you have to look at it with your eyes wide open, and not rely soley on hearing back from friends who moved there and do your own investigation and visits.
Sometimes people can't admit to mistakes or even slight negatives to a choice they made so will make everything seem like a dream and perfect.

Raisin

Mon, Jan 19 2015, 3:35 pm

People get sick in florida too, I'm sure.

If thats the only reason, it sounds like in many ways you have a great life in NY. I live far from family and I wouldn't choose to do that without a very good reason.

I agree renting for a year is a great idea. Or perhaps spend a summer there. If you like it despite the heat maybe its for you.

amother

Wed, Jan 21 2015, 1:41 pm

My friend in Florida just complained that her kids are constantly sick this "winter": bronchitis, strep multiple times, pnemonea that needed hospitalization, ear infections.
People get sick plenty in Florida.

amother

Wed, Jan 21 2015, 5:56 pm

monseychick wrote:

Funny, I've been living here for years and have yet to hear of one case of malaria. Google tells me that the largest outbreak in recent history took place in 2003 in palm beach county. There were eight cases.

However, like much of the nation, we are having a bad flu season. The quality of life here is still incomparably superior to that in NY in my opinion.

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