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How do frum people manage to have so many kids in yeshivas?



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amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 21 2015, 9:52 pm
I'm just wondering...

I have two toddler boys and I'm expecting another one. Right now, one of my boys goes to pre-school and next year my younger one will go as well. I really want my boys to continue with their jewish education, but I have no idea how we can afford it! I'm a stay at home mom and my husband is a teacher. I will go back to work once all my kids start preschool, but I rather stay at home when they're still babies. I would love to expand my family a bit more and have another child or two but I see this impossible to do! I see many frum people over here (NYC) who have a new baby almost every year and I just wonder how exactly they manage to have so many kids and yet money to send their kids to yeshivas? it's just insane! I feel like the only way for us to survive is to make an aliyah to Israel (which wouldn't be such a bad idea, but not so much as finding jobs over there). We don't go place on vacations and we mainly spend money on food & bills. We're still living in our 1 bedroom apartment with two kids (and one on the way). It's so difficult!
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jan 21 2015, 10:02 pm
I have to say that I do not know anyone in my entire community who's husband is a teacher or in chinuch who is a stay-at-home mom. I commend you for making that choice, but that is probably the answer to your question. Unfortunately most homes nowadays need to have two incomes to afford yeshiva tuitions. The only stay-at-home moms I do know are either home-schooling or have husbands with very corporate/professional type jobs.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 9:56 am
amother wrote:
I have to say that I do not know anyone in my entire community who's husband is a teacher or in chinuch who is a stay-at-home mom. I commend you for making that choice, but that is probably the answer to your question. Unfortunately most homes nowadays need to have two incomes to afford yeshiva tuitions. The only stay-at-home moms I do know are either home-schooling or have husbands with very corporate/professional type jobs.


I know I have to go back to work since my husband is only a teacher. But thank G-d he's actually making a decent income at a charter school with benefits. I chose to be a stay at home mom because my babies will not stay babies all the time and I rather be the one raising them in the beginning. So next year my two boys will be in day care but I'll still have to be home with a newborn I"YH. I'm trying my best to find some sort of part time job I could do from my house, but it's difficult (and not much time for a job when I'm with kids in the house). Right now we're fine living in a one bedroom apartment. I'm not really complaining about that because I know that we can't move unless I start working full time.. but I rather be with my kids at home first. It's not an easy choice and sometimes I do miss going to work.
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MamaBear




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 10:03 am
I say this as someone who has done this: you do not send your kids to pre-k at age 2 if you are a stay at home mom with a limited income. You want to afford things in the future like tuition? Make changes now. Most kids seem to go at a young age? That's because their moms are working and it's necessary for them to have childcare.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 10:34 am
Some get tuition breaks, sometimes a lot if they can't pay.
Others work, even just to cover tuition or some of it, sans or with break.
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OOTBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 10:41 am
I was a SAHM while my kids were growing up. B"H, DH was a successful businessman as at one point we were paying full tuition of over $70,000 between various schools. B"H I have 12 kids, very close in age, and at one point most were in schools at the same time. There was a point after this where the business took a negative turn and we were forced to accept some scholarships, and I started my own business which picked up the slack. At least in my OOT city (as well as the several yeshivos my DSs were in then), there were scholarships available as long as one was making a reasonable effort. I personally do believe that tuition money should come before most extras, and that is what we did.
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abby1776




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 11:02 am
You could go teach in your children's school and get a tuition discount/free tuition in lieu of payment.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 11:16 am
MamaBear wrote:
I say this as someone who has done this: you do not send your kids to pre-k at age 2 if you are a stay at home mom with a limited income. You want to afford things in the future like tuition? Make changes now. Most kids seem to go at a young age? That's because their moms are working and it's necessary for them to have childcare.


My kids aren't going to pre-K at age 2. They're starting at age 3. Which I know I could probably wait another year till age 4, but I want my kids to be with a group of kids since they're not as social. Once they're both in school, I'm trying my best to find a stay at home work. It's not like I'm doing nothing in the house, I also have a lot of house work and my husband is basically 12 hours away every day! I also don't have any family around so I basically do everything by myself with the kids. I'm entitled to have a little "break" from the kids after being a stay at home mom...and so what if I decide to still stay at home while they're going to go to daycare next year at age 3? I'm still going to have to take care of my newborn...I don't want a stranger to do that just so I'll be able to work.
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Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 11:24 am
amother wrote:
My kids aren't going to pre-K at age 2. They're starting at age 3. Which I know I could probably wait another year till age 4, but I want my kids to be with a group of kids since they're not as social. Once they're both in school, I'm trying my best to find a stay at home work. It's not like I'm doing nothing in the house, I also have a lot of house work and my husband is basically 12 hours away every day! I also don't have any family around so I basically do everything by myself with the kids. I'm entitled to have a little "break" from the kids after being a stay at home mom...and so what if I decide to still stay at home while they're going to go to daycare next year at age 3? I'm still going to have to take care of my newborn...I don't want a stranger to do that just so I'll be able to work.


Of course you're entitled to have a break and send your toddlers to preschool, it just may not be in your best interests. Most people have to sacrifice somewhere, it may be by going to work and not being a sahm, it may be in keeping your kids home till they are 4 or 5 or the sacrifice may be that you have less money. Only you can make that decision for your family.


Last edited by Notsobusy on Thu, Jan 22 2015, 11:25 am; edited 1 time in total
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 11:24 am
amother wrote:
I know I have to go back to work since my husband is only a teacher. But thank G-d he's actually making a decent income at a charter school with benefits. I chose to be a stay at home mom because my babies will not stay babies all the time and I rather be the one raising them in the beginning. So next year my two boys will be in day care but I'll still have to be home with a newborn I"YH. I'm trying my best to find some sort of part time job I could do from my house, but it's difficult (and not much time for a job when I'm with kids in the house). Right now we're fine living in a one bedroom apartment. I'm not really complaining about that because I know that we can't move unless I start working full time.. but I rather be with my kids at home first. It's not an easy choice and sometimes I do miss going to work.


The amother means that those mothers don't stay home with their babies.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 11:27 am
amother wrote:
My kids aren't going to pre-K at age 2. They're starting at age 3. Which I know I could probably wait another year till age 4, but I want my kids to be with a group of kids since they're not as social. Once they're both in school, I'm trying my best to find a stay at home work. It's not like I'm doing nothing in the house, I also have a lot of house work and my husband is basically 12 hours away every day! I also don't have any family around so I basically do everything by myself with the kids. I'm entitled to have a little "break" from the kids after being a stay at home mom...and so what if I decide to still stay at home while they're going to go to daycare next year at age 3? I'm still going to have to take care of my newborn...I don't want a stranger to do that just so I'll be able to work.


Why do you feel like everyone is judging you? You asked how other people do it. Well, that's how.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 11:35 am
Apparantly most do not pay full tuition.
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OOTBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 12:14 pm
amother wrote:
Apparantly most do not pay full tuition.


That is absolutely correct. At the time that we were paying full tuition, there were only around 10-15 families doing so (not counting those with just one or two kids in the school). The full tuition was set at the actual cost of education one child, and most families had many children in the school system and qualified for a scholarship (even with a graduated payment system where each additional child's tuition is less than the first up to a certain point).
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amother


 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 12:34 pm
if it makes you feel better.....

before I had baby #3 I told dh that if I couldnt stay home for 1 year that I was finished having children. That is how important it was for me to stay home that year.

fast forward I had baby #4 knowing that I would not be able to stay home but that I did have what to give and that I am able to balance it all and be okay with being away from the baby (in reality I'm away from the baby for 5 hours a day)

I personally work in my kids school and I get a tuition discount but NO OTHER BENEFITS (not even a parking spot). I know that if I were to go to public school I would be making more money, but the extra money would go to the school. I wouldnt "make" more money but I would have benefits. However, I'm making that sacrifice because I want to be with my kids while they are still little. When the 4th (our youngest) is a few years older I will move to public school.

In my kids school more than 60% of the parents are on some form of scholarship. I would say that average amount of kids per family is 5/6.
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 3:39 pm
If you want to stay home until the youngest is in school, you should consider either finding like minded friends with pre-school children to do organized activities or tradeoffs and hold off on sending the kids to school until as late as possible. If you feel "entitled" to a break, you should consider working during hours or periods of time that your husband is home like the summer to make the money you need. Or you can consider other ways to get your break like inexpensive gym daycare just so you can get a little space.
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 22 2015, 3:39 pm
To answer your question, most people just are not paying full tuition and leaving the paying to a few "suckers".
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amother


 

Post Fri, Jan 23 2015, 12:35 pm
I would imagine that 95% of people with AT LEAST 4 kids fall into 1 of these categories:

1- Make more than 200k per year.
2- Make less than 200k per year but have wealthy family who picks up some of the tuition bill.
3- Receive a scholarship and don't pay full tuition.


I think that pretty much covers almost everybody.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Jan 23 2015, 1:38 pm
We make 120K combined. So far we have 3 kids in school, and one starting soon, in daycare this year. So far combined tuition for 3 kids is 17,000. Next year will be 22,400 for 4. I think it is doable for us. We try to give the schools a donation on top of tuition when able because our tuition is on the low side.
We live in a very small house, with a tiny mortgage and low taxes compared to our neighbors. We drive older good cars that were cheaper to buy but don't require much maintenance. Our biggest vacation is driving a few hours to visit families. My kids don't match clothing, and most is from Old Navy, TCP, or second hand.
We are also saving a bit per child for weddings, bar mitzva, seminary,etc.
We don't feel as if we are scrimping too much to be able to afford full tuition, it is very important to us.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Jan 23 2015, 4:45 pm
I'm the first amother that answered you. I'm confused because your whole tone changed from your original post.
I work two jobs while my husband is in school full time. I sent my daughter to a babysitter at 6 weeks. I have no cleaning help, we buy pizza about twice a year and aside for visiting parents - which they pay for, we have not been on "vacation" in more than 6 years. With all of this I still do not pay anywhere near full tuition.
I have a a question. Do you think it sounds like I may be "entitled" for a break? Sure, I can work less and ask for a bigger break, but I dont feel that is right. And my husband is working like a dog in school so that one day soon iy"h we can pay full tuition or close to it.
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nyer1




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 24 2015, 6:31 pm
amother wrote:
My kids aren't going to pre-K at age 2. They're starting at age 3. Which I know I could probably wait another year till age 4, but I want my kids to be with a group of kids since they're not as social. Once they're both in school, I'm trying my best to find a stay at home work. It's not like I'm doing nothing in the house, I also have a lot of house work and my husband is basically 12 hours away every day! I also don't have any family around so I basically do everything by myself with the kids. I'm entitled to have a little "break" from the kids after being a stay at home mom...and so what if I decide to still stay at home while they're going to go to daycare next year at age 3? I'm still going to have to take care of my newborn...I don't want a stranger to do that just so I'll be able to work.
\


you ASKED how people do it. we're telling you that most people who are at stay at home moms aren't sending their kids out to preschool, if their husband doesn't make a lot of money.
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