CIO Is Over But We Didn't Live Happily Ever After

kollel wife

Fri, Jan 23 2015, 9:57 am

I will not take sides with the above discussion.

I will mention a point also mentioned by the OP.
Taking the baby out of your room is a very big help for them learning not to wake up so much. Eventually every noise you make disturbs them, and also when they wake up, they can stand up and see you.

This is not always possible. Adding a portable heater to your extra room could possibly work as well as dressing the baby a bit more warmly perhaps.

imorethanamother

Fri, Jan 23 2015, 11:59 am

Dolly Welsh wrote:

These things usually work out, but there is no comparing apples to oranges, or ornery teenagers to babies. Babies only ask for what they really need. There is no baloney with them. That is why everybody likes their company. They are the world's most honest people.

HAHAHA! Oh, the laughter. You've never had a baby with colic, have you? You know, the ones that scream and scream and scream from 5pm until midnight and you frantically feed them, burp them, change them, bathe them, rock them, sing to them, do absolutely anything you can so that can just. stop. CRYING.

And they don't! And your pediatrician says, "Wow. That's a colicky baby if I ever saw one!"

And gripe water doesn't work! And nothing everyone recommends works! Except one day, they're 5 months old, and one night they stop screaming. They cry a bit, and then they just. . stop? It's awe-inspiring. It makes you believe in God again.

Babies aren't always little angels. And then no one likes their company. They aren't "honest". You're thinking of toddlers. Now toddlers, I like.

pause

Fri, Jan 23 2015, 12:53 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

But I have. And while I won't say I never let my baby cry ever, I did not do it as an official policy of "now I'm ignoring you." I did it when there was no one else home and either I had to go to the bathroom or when I felt ready to slap my baby - after I had taken out the baby in the carriage in middle of the night. If dh was home, he got the honors while I got a bit of a breather.

Dolly Welsh

Fri, Jan 23 2015, 1:24 pm

I have never had a colicky baby but I have the impression this thread is about ordinary non-colicky babies?

A colicky baby has pain nobody can do anything about.

An non-colicky baby is crying about something somebody can do something about, and it will stop crying then.

So do that thing, is the general thought.

A colicky baby's guts hurt from immaturity, so that isn't CIO at all.

I am not even sure I see the point of taking him out in the carriage in the night. That doesn't make his guts any more mature. Of course it does make the house quieter. Nothing is going to help there but waiting it out.

OF COURSE we read crying as a criticism of what we are giving. But it isn't, with colic.

As far as I know. I am no expert on colic.

My private thought is co-sleeping and not giving a pacifier make the whole business unnecessarily harder.

OF COURSE the kid wants endless physical contact if he has co-slept from birth. Of course he reads anything less as a scary departure from his norm.

And kids self soothe by sucking. Sucking is such a powerful urge and such a potent sensation it is like a Sense, like seeing and hearing, I read. A kid interprets the world by sucking the same way we do by looking around it and listening for sounds. Most kids will shush to some extent if you give them a pacifier.

However, not if they didn't have one from their first week or so of life.

Later, no. Later, they are not used to it, and no, it obviously isn't a living breast. So move fast with that.

My thought was that historically the human race had been giving their kids a knotted rag to suck on from time immemorial, so I gave one. Nuk.

If you can keep your mind hospitable to the baby I think he will get that, crying or no.

One learns to interpret cries. Some are "I need something" and some are "I am a little worried" and some are "I am bored". "I am tiiiiiiiired" is a big one. That needs to be respected. And another big one is "I am over-stimulated". That one really, really, needs to be respected.

chavs

Sat, Jan 24 2015, 4:08 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

You are aware that a colicky baby doesn’t cry because they are bored or want to bother you right? they do it because something is going on for them. As hard as it is on the mother I'm entirely sure it's harder on them.
Yes, I have had colicky babies (2 of the), I've also had reflux, bad reflux.

Last edited by chavs on Sun, Jan 25 2015, 5:11 pm; edited 1 time in total

marina

Sun, Jan 25 2015, 12:47 pm

pause wrote:

Because he's acting like a baby which is not age-appropriate. OTOH, when a baby is being a baby, we should be treating them the way we treat adults when they act like adults, with attention, care, and concern.

Exactly. And babies crying is age appropriate and does not mean they are in pain or suffering or having ptsd or whatever drama people want to attribute to tears. When adults act like adults we do not freak out and coddle them and dramatize their conduct. So too with babies. They cry and that's normal and that's okay. You can let them cry and it's not going to traumatize them for life or teach them that no one cares about them or their mommy hates them or something ridiculous.

pause

Mon, Jan 26 2015, 12:40 pm

marina wrote:

It's age-appropriate for babies to express themselves by crying.

When your teen has a tantrum because she wants an iPhone, you ignore her as long as she is tantruming. When she talks respectfully, I sure hope you listen. When a baby cries, it is the equivalent of your teen speaking politely: It is age-appropriate, and we do not ignore people who express themselves in an age-appropriate manner. We show them respect, we show them we are listening to them, we are there for them, and we try to reach an agreeable solution to their problem.