My Son Hates Going to the Babysitter

Happy Momma

Mon, Jan 26 2015, 10:33 am

My ds (6 months) is terrified of his babysitter... this is my first child and we just started with babysitting. She comes highly recommended to me and she seems to really 'get' babies... but every time I come to pick him up, he's crying. She's told me a few times already that he spent most of the day crying!! I feel so guilty for leaving him, but I need to work... does anybody have a suggestion for me?? Thanks!

amother

Mon, Jan 26 2015, 11:37 am

Or, try giving it more time. My DD was the same, we started with sitters 6 weeks ago and every day she cried herself to sleep, and I hated it but we all felt she just had to get used to being away from me. BH it got a little less every day, and this week she's already crying much less at dropoff.

If you give it another few weeks and see that something is really wrong, then try switching.

deena19k

Mon, Jan 26 2015, 11:39 am

amother wrote:

Really not judging you, but if a baby is still crying at sitter after SIX weeks, something sounds seriously off. Doesn't sound right.

wife2

Mon, Jan 26 2015, 1:12 pm

my baby cried for hours every day and instead of getting better over time, he got worse. after a few weeks, I switched babysitters and he was much happier.

some babies like an environment with other babies their age, some don't.
my baby liked the action in a bigger place and wasn't happy at home alone and hated seeing me leave him at home. he liked coming with me since we all left the house together and he wasn't stuck in an empty house without his mother.

if your baby still cries after 2 weeks, try a different sitter or a different arrangement. some babies only sleep in their own crib, some at other's houses, some in large daycare, you need to try.

amother

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 2:56 am

deena19k wrote:

Really not judging you, but if a baby is still crying at sitter after SIX weeks, something sounds seriously off. Doesn't sound right.

(same amother) I know it doesn't sound right, that's why I went amother - to avoid judgement. To be fair, those 6 weeks weren't six solid weeks. There's always something - Chanukah, or fever, or vaccines, or bad weather, that came up during that time, so it would often be 3 days at home with Mommy, and then 4 at the sitter, or even 2 days there and 5 days home (and anything in between).

She's also a very, very alert and fairly attached firstborn, and she was already 4 months old when we started and was used to being home with me. She cries until her nap (with less intensity every day), sleeps more soundly there than she ever does with me, which is good for her, and then after the nap she's fine. And she's only there half a day. I've also discussed the situation with her sitter, and the sitter really tries to make all the babies comfortable and she tells me all the ways she's tried to calm her crying.

My point in posting was that every situation is different and OP should look at the circumstances of her son and her sitter and make a decision based on that. The answer isn't always to switch.

newme

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 3:46 am

A tiny baby can't express himself verbally. Which is why - if he is clearly in distress after such a long time (and 6 MONTHS is way beyond a "trial period"), then it is my belief that you need to take him seriously.
It could be something superficial - like different care-taking methods, a personality clash, something in the carer's surroundings that is disturbing him (an older, aggressive toddler, perhaps?), but it could also be a more serious issue - perhaps she is force feeding him, or something (these things happen).
Either way, he cannot tell you what is wrong - but he is communicating distress, and to ignore that is to risk major problems later on, since some way or another, long term distress will affect a baby's development.

I would look for another babysitter, pronto.

notshanarishona

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 4:25 am

Most baby's cry when you drop them off. That is normal.
It is also relatively normal to let them cry themselves to sleep (assuming not more than a few minutes).
But there is no reason that the baby should be crying all day or every time you come. That is a big red flag. Most people at least put in an effort to make it seem like he was happy when the parents come.
If she is totally chilled while he is screaming, I would switch yesterday.

Happy Momma

Tue, Jan 27 2015, 8:51 am

Happy Momma here again- thanks for your feedback, everyone. My son just started with her about a month ago and there have been a few breaks (like when he was sick, when it snowed, and when she had a wedding). She seems very patient with him and is always cooing to him, etc. She says he seems scared of her and her younger kids, who are often around in the afternoon, before I come to get him. They seem very gentle and they are used to having babies around, but he is scared of strangers... how long does it take to know if it's just "not a shidduch" or if this is a matter of getting used to it? My son is so used to being with me all day... since I work from home, I had him with me until recently. Only when I couldn't do it anymore did I start with the sitter...