Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Interesting Discussions
Woman in America, Not allowed to drive.
  Previous  1  2  3  4  5  6  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jan 26 2015, 11:23 pm
amother wrote:
So maybe this story would be more interesting for people still in the communities.


It's interesting to whomever is interested in it. I think concept of being denied mobility based on a religious standard is an interesting and thought filled one. Others obviously feel the same way based on all these posts and different POV's.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 9:39 am
I feel choked again reading all this. I live in Monsey and drive. I had to fight, cry, beg to have my son accepted into Nursery when my older ones are already in the same Cheider. That is not control?! Whoever says otherwise is in denial. It hurts to admit that. This made me wishing that I don't belong in this community and thinking a lot what I am doing raising my kids in this. All the women that choose not to drive, this is not about you. Its about so many women who are not allowed to drive. I lived in Brooklyn and never wanted to drive there. Thank you. But, in Monsey they control the women, and women only, by not accepting their children in schools. I believe 90% of the women would drive here if they would be allowed. We have to SIGN a paper that we won't drive on the school's application. How is that for control? And no one wants to rock the boat. The rebbonim are afraid of each other. If one will allow, then he will get backlash from others. If people would really mean it l'shaim shemayim about tzenius, then taxis with strange men would be banned. And it should...
Yes, women are part of the problem too.
Back to top

rae gi




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 9:43 am
4everonadiet wrote:
I certainly believe you.

I'm always wondering what keeps us women back from just starting to drive, en masse.


Are you suggesting a Drive-A-Thon? 🚦 🚕🚗🚙 🚘
Back to top

Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 10:30 am
amother wrote:
I know someone who teaches in a chassidishe h.s. and drives. they asked her not to park in the school's parking lot cuz it doesnt 'pos" for the students to see. ps wen they made a play & they needed to go shoppoing and stuff they asked this teascher to drive them!!! she was horrified and insulted. if driving is discouraged, then don't use me out when its good for oyou...

A friend of mine went from MO to Chassidish, and she drives. They ask her not to drive near the school when she drops off her kids, but when the rebetzin needs a chauffeur, guess whom they call...
They are all hypocrites, on every level of their beings.
Back to top

sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 10:36 am
Maya wrote:
A friend of mine went from MO to Chassidish, and she drives. They ask her not to drive near the school when she drops off her kids, but when the rebetzin needs a chauffeur, guess whom they call...
They are all hypocrites, on every level of their beings.


Why on earth did she do that?
Back to top

Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 10:38 am
sequoia wrote:
Why on earth did she do that?

Her husband got into it. Seems to me that by the time she realized what kind of world she's getting into, she's had a large family and it was too late. She's also discovering a lot more to the ugliness now that she's in shidduchim with her kids.
But that's neither here nor there... Smile
Back to top

studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 10:40 am
Didn't read the whole thread, but in a similar vein- why is there a development for belz being built just outside of lakewood, when the women can't drive?! Talk about trapping ppl at home....
I feel very sad for these poor mothers stuck at home or in the development with nothing nearby.
Back to top

gp2.0




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 10:42 am
4everonadiet wrote:
I certainly believe you.

I'm always wondering what keeps us women back from just starting to drive, en masse.


You do it to yourselves.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt.

I've done my part to end the driving stigma - I drive. Now you have to do your part. You don't have to wait for permission. You need to reach out and take the things you want.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 10:47 am
I live in B.P. and I drive. I am the first in my large extended chassidish family to do so. My parents were super proud of me when I got my license. I didn't hear one criticism from anyone.

Maybe my parents are not typical. (They are awesome).

Most neutral chassidish cheders are OK with driving. I applied to 3 cheers when my son was 3 and never saw this restriction
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 10:52 am
I don't understand the premise of the title. Who is not allowing? A woman who drives does not fit in to certain communities. She can choose to do so and live with the social consequences, or she can find an alternative arrangement for herself in a different community.

It's not like anyone is being arrested or evicted or any other serious repercussions like that. Being kicked out of school or not accepted there in the first place is a simple observation of the fact that if you don't believe this way of life suits you then your children shouldn't be subjected to this upbringing.

If you love the lifestyle and shittah etc but find this to be the only issue with your community, then your only other option is to organize a mass revolt with likeminded women.

If this is not the only problem you face in the community, and find yourself irked or outraged by numerous issues or a broader attitude/worldview that you can't live with, then leave. You're not doing anyone any favors by sticking around, seething with resentment and trapping your children in the same rut.
Back to top

Notsobusy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:08 am
amother wrote:
I don't understand the premise of the title. Who is not allowing? A woman who drives does not fit in to certain communities. She can choose to do so and live with the social consequences, or she can find an alternative arrangement for herself in a different community.

It's not like anyone is being arrested or evicted or any other serious repercussions like that. Being kicked out of school or not accepted there in the first place is a simple observation of the fact that if you don't believe this way of life suits you then your children shouldn't be subjected to this upbringing.

If you love the lifestyle and shittah etc but find this to be the only issue with your community, then your only other option is to organize a mass revolt with likeminded women.

If this is not the only problem you face in the community, and find yourself irked or outraged by numerous issues or a broader attitude/worldview that you can't live with, then leave. You're not doing anyone any favors by sticking around, seething with resentment and trapping your children in the same rut.


You're right, except that for some women, such as the poster above who wrote this
Quote:
feel choked again reading all this. I live in Monsey and drive. I had to fight, cry, beg to have my son accepted into Nursery when my older ones are already in the same Cheider.
her community is changing. I can see why it would hurt if the same school that had no problem taking her older kids, doesn't want to take the younger ones even though she hasn't changed.
Also, imagine having to leave your community and in some cases having to leave your family, just so that you can drive. What if someone's mother drove, but now her community/chassidus doesn't let, what should she do?
A revolt may sound like the obvious option, but not if it leaves you ostracized.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:16 am
glutenless wrote:
her community is changing. I can see why it would hurt if the same school that had no problem taking her older kids, doesn't want to take the younger ones even though she hasn't changed.
Also, imagine having to leave your community and in some cases having to leave your family, just so that you can drive. What if someone's mother drove, but now her community/chassidus doesn't let, what should she do?
A revolt may sound like the obvious option, but not if it leaves you ostracized.


True. This is sad and unfair.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:23 am
Maya wrote:
A friend of mine went from MO to Chassidish, and she drives. They ask her not to drive near the school when she drops off her kids, but when the rebetzin needs a chauffeur, guess whom they call...
They are all hypocrites, on every level of their beings.


My family comes from Chassidish roots (pre-holocaust) and my parents started out sending us to Chassidish schools. When I was a little girl, I was the only one in the class whose mother drove. Guess who got called to drive the Rebetzin to my siddur play? My mother used to be overwhelmed by the ride requests whenever there were events in town....

At a certain point my parents switched us out to a more litvish/heimishe school. This due to the snobbishness/ostracizing my older sisters experienced as they grew up (I was still young and faced it less). Girls weren't allowed to come to our house. We were bullied. Stuff like that.

My brothers gravitated to the Chassidus and remained that way. No one normal would consider them for shidduchim. They ended up marrying girls from overseas, and they live in Israel. All 4 of them.

The Chassidus still calls my sister to drive, every year, for their Tzedaka party. I can't begin to understand why she accommodates them.
Back to top

sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:41 am
one of the posters above posted that she had no problem being accepted in a chasidish cheder even now that she drives, and so do I live in brooklyn, so I know what your talking about. vein, munkatch have no problem with that. so let me explain to others who dont get whats going on here. theres diff types of chasidish, theres the more right wing and the ones who are more moderate. the ones she talking about are more moderate and most pp living say 80% of chasidish pp in brooklyn are from the right wing ones, hence the problem with the driving. at this point in my life I will be driving and wont be talking about it to anyone I wont even mention it to anyone and if someone sees me driving I will simply state that its a necessity and not get into arguments. cause you cant win the right wing chasidish pp. I do what works for me.
Back to top

dancingqueen




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:42 am
Not driving in the suburbs is pretty much a handicap Sad It must be hard to manage like that, especially with so many kids.
Back to top

Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:46 am
Deep wrote:
The "control" argument is full of holes. Any chassidista will readily acknowledge that contemporary chassidus places way more restrictions on the men. From underwear to eyeglasses, outings to education - women have a lot more leeway in every single aspect of life. I do not profess to be an expert on the evolution of contemporary chassidus. Nevertheless, I believe the no-driving ban for women and Rabbanim is a remnant of an era in which "es hot nisht gepast" for certain people to drive.


I asked my Chassidish neighbor (Satmar) why women cannot drive, and she said it's due to a lack of tznius, because when a woman drives she is "taking control of the road".
Back to top

sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:49 am
[quote="Maya"]Her husband got into it. Seems to me that by the time she realized what kind of world she's getting into, she's had a large family and it was too late. She's also discovering a lot more to the ugliness now that she's in shidduchim with her kids.
But that's neither here nor there... :)[/quote]

I agree with the hypocrite thing. I do realize that hypocrites are all over, the world is made up of honest, dishonest, hypocrites and what not and nice pp too. hopefully you will bump into the nice honest pp most of the time. I have bumped intto both I still see that theres good in the world and cant just focus on the negative. I dont want to be miserable, I have picked up good line from rabbi avigdor miller . someone said to him look at all crimes, and crookedness in the world, and he said and look at all the beauty, the simchas, the weddings, the parents that are there for their kids, the good kids actually giving nachas, its two sided you can choose what you like to look at. it just gives me alift and think of all the good hashem has bestowed upon mankind. trust me I dealt with wicked abusive pp, I am speaking from experience and I still see that there are kind, pp in the world trying to do the best they can. we just need mashiach now! have awonderful, beautiful, happy, productive, great great day!!!
Back to top

sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:50 am
[quote="Chayalle"]I asked my Chassidish neighbor (Satmar) why women cannot drive, and she said it's due to a lack of tznius, because when a woman drives she is "taking control of the road".[/quote]

this is hysterical, it just proves she was brainwashed. ha ha ha ha weres the rolling laughter emoticon
Back to top

Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 11:54 am
sourstix wrote:
this is hysterical, it just proves she was brainwashed. ha ha ha ha weres the rolling laughter emoticon


I don't disagree with you. Just saying what she told me. Not making it up.
Back to top

Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 27 2015, 12:13 pm
I don't think it is hypocritical for a chassidish women to ask her friend who drives for a lift. She does not necessarily agree with this rule but feels she has to go along with it.
Back to top
Page 5 of 6   Previous  1  2  3  4  5  6  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Interesting Discussions

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Please explain to me what wanting woman to Lein Megilla is
by amother
268 Yesterday at 9:10 pm View last post
Top Bais yaakov school for girls with dyslexia in America
by amother
16 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 6:11 pm View last post
BP - plus size woman's clothing store. Where is it located?
by amother
9 Tue, Mar 26 2024, 2:10 pm View last post
Clothing for short obese woman
by amother
7 Sun, Mar 10 2024, 3:44 pm View last post
Nutritionist for obese woman
by amother
29 Wed, Mar 06 2024, 1:04 pm View last post