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Do you feel bad when you waste time?



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Dev80




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 3:00 pm
I usually feel guilty when I waste large amounts of time (I don't mind wasting small amounts of time here and there).

This week I have not been feeling great and haven't worked as much, and today I think I spent 3 hours total reading (1 hour in the afternoon while I really wanted to rest) and about two hours after I put my kids in bed while I ate dinner and wanted to unwind. But now I feel guilty, I was already behind on hours for the month and don't really want to pay for a babysitter next week to finish the month and I should have used today more wisely.


But, on the other hand I'm human and want to waste time sometimes and not be accountable and not feel bad about it. I can try and make up some time motzei shabbos but I guess I wonder if I'm the only WAHM mother (or any mother really) that feels so guilty about wasting time even though I know sometimes it necessary? Any thoughts? It's okay sometimes even if I may have to figure it out later right?
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amother


 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 3:04 pm
Funny, this week I also wasted so much time and was wondering the same thing all week!
But I realized:
1. I need to take time for myself, to keep myself feeling happy and sane
2. Noone else noticed that I was "wasting" time- in fact, dh kept on thanking me for all my hard work (mothering, housekeeping etc)


Don't worry- what happened happened, and you need your sanity. But don't let this happen regularly.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 3:06 pm
It depends on how you define "waste".

Self care is not wasteful. If you were seriously sick CV'S and had to stay in bed for a week, would you beat yourself up for it? NO! Your body needs to rest!

If you are engaging in "mindless pursuits", perhaps you've been worrying too much, and your brain needs to rest.

If you are taking a long, hot bubble bath, think about how much benefit you are getting for your muscles and joints.

The hard part, is that we are conditioned to be "superwomen", so we don't even know anymore what is healthy self care and what is wasteful or lazy. Figuring out which is which can be very difficult, and that is where the guilt comes in.

You need to look deep down, and find out what your body, mind, and spirit need to be the optimal you. You also need to ask yourself if you are avoiding something, and why. Once you start figuring that out, you'll feel a lot less guilty, and a lot more clear on what you are doing with your time.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 3:06 pm
YES. This is a perennial issue for me! I waste time when I'm working because I can't be "on on on" all the time. Then I feel bad about it.
I have a "procrastination busters" program that I use, but I don't always use it.
Plus I find that real life intrudes, and then I put off going back to work. (Son's school calls, he forgot his glasses, I run over to bring them, and then it's hard to switch right back to working)
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 3:07 pm
.....And while we're on that topic, let me log off Imamother and get back to work..........
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Dev80




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 3:17 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:


The hard part, is that we are conditioned to be "superwomen", so we don't even know anymore what is healthy self care and what is wasteful or lazy. Figuring out which is which can be very difficult, and that is where the guilt comes in.

You need to look deep down, and find out what your body, mind, and spirit need to be the optimal you. You also need to ask yourself if you are avoiding something, and why. Once you start figuring that out, you'll feel a lot less guilty, and a lot more clear on what you are doing with your time.


FF I think you nailed it for me - I am so used to doing doing doing (working, throwing in load of laundry, working, prepping shabbos and cooking in 1 hour, more working, washing my sheital, more working, washing some dishes, etc etc) I'm kind of like the energizer bunny but a little low on energy these days. I also just got a kindle and am a reading ADDICT so after 6+ years of not living near a library I think it's getting me and I need to learn how to balance it. I need to know it's okay to recharge myself here and there and figure out times (I try to tell myself I will read while I eat but sometimes I take a little longer to finish the chapter or what not)



Also Debsey not sure how to quote you too but I do also find the at home work interruptions to be my undoing, when I sit down to work and then xyz comes up it takes me that much longer to get back to it.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 3:19 pm
YES. I struggle with feeling guilty about this ALL THE TIME.

This year is the first year in a few years where I am working out of the house and I share a babysitter. The babysitter is so wonderful to us. She says things like "I took the kids for the walk, take an hour for yourself"

Its so dumb but I actually feel guilty going the grocery store myself. Or being able to run in for a shaitel appnt during the day, and not having urgent texts from my dh. OR even worst sitting at home reading, or being on line, while I should be either doing work, or cleaning or cooking.
I think feeling guilty all the time like I do is a sickness, which I inherited from my mother.
its not good. Something I try to work on.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 3:23 pm
I nailed it because I just described MYSELF! LOL

If it makes you feel better, I'm still trying to figure out that balance. I'm doing better, though. When I became chronically ill, the first few years were the hardest. I was SO hard on myself, and constantly comparing myself to the days when I had tons of energy and never took a minute to sit down.

It's been a long road to accepting my new reality, and figuring out how to maintain my life as a wife and mother, without burning myself out and ending up in bed for a week from over doing it. I also have to be honest with myself and admit when I'm using my tiredness to avoid doing unpleasant tasks under the guise of "I need to rest."
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IMHopinion




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 3:57 pm
Do you also feel guilty when you're scrubbing your house clean every Thursday til midnight?
Or erev pesach until 3am every night?
Or when Cooking up a storm erev a yom tov or simcha?
When waking up to a crying baby 5 times a night?

There are plenty of times that moms are overwhelmed with work, and we overdo it in every way.

You shouldn't feel guilty if sometimes you just breathe.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 4:15 pm
I can totally relate. I was always more on the lazy side, so being disciplined and doing my hours is a challenge for me. I do though make sure that at the end of the day a certain amount of work hours are done, that way I never really get behind. The problem with that is that sometimes I push off more then I should to do at night, and then things come up…. And I end up staying up till 1-2 in the morning to finish it. That makes me feel so guilty since I haven’t gone to sleep the same time as my husband in ages, plus I like to greet dc with a smile in the morning, not be half asleep….
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amother


 

Post Thu, Nov 20 2014, 4:22 pm
I feel not so much guilt but more frustration towards my procrastination . I have an amazing, super easy job that I do from home and end up wasting all my extra time doing nada instead of doing more household chores, working out, organizing.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:31 am
amother wrote:
I feel not so much guilt but more frustration towards my procrastination . I have an amazing, super easy job that I do from home and end up wasting all my extra time doing nada instead of doing more household chores, working out, organizing.


this is me too!
sometimes I feel like I can accomplish the world - and I do! house is clean , meals ready on time, hamper empty!
other days like today..I just walk around looking at
piles of laundry
piles of dishes
piles of work
piles of toys

and want to run away!
let s/o else do it!
I grew up with full time help, the only thing I did was help in the kitchen!
and now thats all I like doing! I love to cook and bake!

I FEEL SO LAZY!
Im just not a workaholic by nature...
I hate it!

any advice???
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:52 am
I feel like a total loser when I waste time. I'm addicted to the internet and I don't know how to stop. I told dh that I want to go to a 12 steps program and he disagreed that I need it. I still think I would benefit.

I don't have a job and I only have 1 dd and she goes to gan for a few hours (she thrives when she can play with her friends) so I have even more free time to waste on the internet. Also I live in Jerusalem and most of the places where I would like to go, I'm afraid to go until everything calms down. I go places that are absolutely crucial but most places aren't.

The problem with having enough money that working isn't necessary makes you feel totally useless and like you have no purpose:(
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 24 2014, 5:54 am
amother wrote:
I feel like a total loser when I waste time. I'm addicted to the internet and I don't know how to stop. I told dh that I want to go to a 12 steps program and he disagreed that I need it. I still think I would benefit.

I don't have a job and I only have 1 dd and she goes to gan for a few hours (she thrives when she can play with her friends) so I have even more free time to waste on the internet. Also I live in Jerusalem and most of the places where I would like to go, I'm afraid to go until everything calms down. I go places that are absolutely crucial but most places aren't.

The problem with having enough money that working isn't necessary makes you feel totally useless and like you have no purpose:(


hello! u sound like me
lets open a mini 12 step program - kind of a support group!
I do need the money and work a little…
but still waste too much time online!!
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mominey




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 31 2015, 7:06 pm
I think that's why it's important to work so at least you have a job to be busy with. That's also what makes it hard to work from home because when you get out of the house you feel more of a structure to your day. That being said I definitely waste time but I try not to Smile
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