Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Chronically Explosive Child



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother


 

Post Wed, Jul 16 2014, 5:49 pm
How do you deal with a chronically inflexible child?

When I ask him to do something he never listens first times round, gets easily frustrated and more often then not I feel like I'm talking to the wall. He seems to get 'stuck' all the time and I haven't found a way to get him to move past the ideas he's set his mind on. He's worse when I'm in a rush or desperate. Punishments never work though rewards sometimes do but never in the heat of the moment.

He can be well behaved when everything is fine and dandy and I'm attentive to his every need and walking on eggshells to prevent 'explosions', but life doesn't work like that and I cannot always keep him entertained and happy.

I've read 'The Explosive Child', it describes my son well but I didn't manage to stick to the program as there were too many 'explosive' episodes all the time.

Any other ideas?!?

(Sorry if it's a little disjointed, I'm exhausted after another long day struggling with DS)
Back to top

5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 16 2014, 6:35 pm
amother wrote:
How do you deal with a chronically inflexible child?

When I ask him to do something he never listens first times round, gets easily frustrated and more often then not I feel like I'm talking to the wall. He seems to get 'stuck' all the time and I haven't found a way to get him to move past the ideas he's set his mind on. He's worse when I'm in a rush or desperate. Punishments never work though rewards sometimes do but never in the heat of the moment.

He can be well behaved when everything is fine and dandy and I'm attentive to his every need and walking on eggshells to prevent 'explosions', but life doesn't work like that and I cannot always keep him entertained and happy.

I've read 'The Explosive Child', it describes my son well but I didn't manage to stick to the program as there were too many 'explosive' episodes all the time.

Any other ideas?!?

(Sorry if it's a little disjointed, I'm exhausted after another long day struggling with DS)


How old is your son?

The foundation of Greene's program is identifying triggers and pathways. Have you done this? Sometimes a professional evaluation is called for, and if there are truly so many explosive episodes, it would seem to be warranted here. Once you've identified triggers and pathways, you can prioritize which to work on first and which to save for later and come up with a plan to target the skills he needs to learn as well as to solve problems collaboratively and proactively.

ETA: Have you used Greene's ALSUP? If not, google it.
Back to top

FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 16 2014, 7:00 pm
Check into auditory processing disorder. His outbursts may stem from having a communication issue, and being frustrated with his inability to express himself.
Back to top

granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 16 2014, 7:44 pm
amother wrote:
How do you deal with a chronically inflexible child?

When I ask him to do something he never listens first times round, gets easily frustrated and more often then not I feel like I'm talking to the wall. He seems to get 'stuck' all the time and I haven't found a way to get him to move past the ideas he's set his mind on. He's worse when I'm in a rush or desperate. Punishments never work though rewards sometimes do but never in the heat of the moment.

He can be well behaved when everything is fine and dandy and I'm attentive to his every need and walking on eggshells to prevent 'explosions', but life doesn't work like that and I cannot always keep him entertained and happy.

I've read 'The Explosive Child', it describes my son well but I didn't manage to stick to the program as there were too many 'explosive' episodes all the time.

Any other ideas?!?

(Sorry if it's a little disjointed, I'm exhausted after another long day struggling with DS)


in addition to what 5*mom wrote, are you holding back from pushing issues that are not in the 'must address' category? the goal is not to get him to do what you ask but to help him use appropriate methods to stay calm and negotiate.

you are seeing patterns, like when you are in a rush or desperate things are worse. so either he is picking up your mood or he needs more time than you are able to give him in those situations. you know this is going to happen again, can you plan for it? can you come up with a stall-tactic for him (and you) and discuss before hand?

I dont remember all that's in the book, but you can also use blowups as learning opportunities after the fact when all is quiet and calm. something along the lines of 'I noticed that it was hard for you to do xyz, what was the trouble?' if he says something like he didnt want to do it you can ask him how he could let you know that next time without the blowup? and then be on the lookout..watch it coming next time and if you can catch it before it gets real bad and ask him 'what are you trying to tell me?' make it easy for him, listen to him and go with what he says. in the beginning its hard because you feel like you're giving in all the time but the goal is to teach him a way to get unstuck. once he gets better at it you can move to another goal of say, cooperation. but one thing at a time, babysteps.

as 5*mom said, sometimes it really is too much for a mother to do on her own, even with a great book at hand. sometimes it helps to get guidance. however, ime, many therapists have no idea what to do with kids like these and either give you a bunch of parenting techniques that you have likely tried already or send you for meds. which may or may not be indicated. I'm just saying that if you do go for help, see if you can find someone familiar with this sort of thing.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Fri, Jan 16 2015, 9:55 am
Another amother here. Op, I was wondering if you got any clarity on the matter. I'm struggling with this just like you. Dc explodes all the time for everything, she tries to push me to let her buy stuff or go places etc.... And a negative response calls for serious tantrums! I'm literally having it! How old is your child? And what did you decide to do?
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2015, 8:18 pm
ME TOO
Dd is nearly 8 years old and behaves exactly like op has described her ds.
Have you gotten anywhere?
managed to get any help?
Please let us know, really at my wits end with dd.
Back to top

amother


 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2015, 8:43 pm
Mine is 13 yrs old and getting WORSE. If anyone has any input that will WORK, please post!
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2015, 8:43 pm
A must read is Glasser's "Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach." There is a lot of good advice.

In addition, today's posters, you should probably follow OP and read Ross Greene's book.

It is helpful to note exactly when your child explodes, and try to figure out what caused it. Keep an "ABC" record - Antecedent (what happened before the explosion), Behavior (what did the child do; cry, scream, throw things, etc), and Consequence (what did you do as a result).

Look for patterns. Do these things happen when your DC is hungry? Tired from school? Frustrated by homework or chores? What tends to lead to meltdowns, in addition to Mommy's "no"?

How do you handle the situation. After a week of record keeping, do your responses show consistency? Were there natural and logical consequences? Do you give your DC plenty of positive attention and enthusiasm when things are going well, but stay calm and withdrawn in the face of a meltdown?

Once you approach your problem from a logical, methodical perspective, you will see that there are answers. And if you still struggle on your own, you might look into parenting courses designed especially for dealing with difficult kids.
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Child Tooth Ache- Pediatric Dentist
by Bruria
2 Yesterday at 8:17 pm View last post
Podiatrist for ingrown toenail on child
by amother
1 Yesterday at 3:23 pm View last post
If you successfully healed your child's gut
by amother
10 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 6:32 pm View last post
Do you know where your child is tonight?
by amother
16 Sun, Mar 24 2024, 7:44 pm View last post
I’m bored 😂 I’m a mom of a SN child AMA
by amother
39 Fri, Mar 22 2024, 8:32 am View last post