Would you say something?

Chippies

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:09 pm

We recently had friends stay with us for a few days. While they were here, we repeatedly told them to make themselves at home, take whatever food they wanted, the kids could play with whatever toys they wanted, etc. The last day that they were here, we had to leave early in the morning so they were at our house for a few hours without us. When we returned home (after they had left), my son noticed that one of his toys had been opened. It was recently his birthday and someone gave him a gift with a gift receipt (that we taped onto the top of the box) and we were planning to return the gift. My son already knew what he wanted to get from the store instead. Our friends opened up this box, took out all of the contents, ripped all of the packaging inside (there were small parts in plastic bags, plus some cardboard and twisty things around other parts) and then coloured on the instruction sheets with marker. We clearly cannot return this toy anymore.

It is definitely my fault that I left the toy out on the shelf with other toys. However, the gift receipt was very clearly taped onto top of the box (it's still there) and the contents were very obviously never opened previously! Would you let your kids open up a brand new toy like that without specific permission? I did say that they could play with our toys. But I know that if I were in a similar situation, I would never open up a brand new toy still in its packaging unless specifically told that I could do so. Am I right to be annoyed at my friend? Should I say something to her? My husband doesn't see any point since what's done is done and there's nothing that she can do about it now. I feel like I'll hold a grudge a lot more if I try to hold it in. But maybe I should just work on myself without telling her how upset I am about this? Is it totally my fault for leaving out the toy? I'd like to know other people's thoughts on the matter! And any advice as to what I should say to my friend, if anything at all, would be appreciated. I still want her to be comfortable staying here again in the future.

greenfire

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:16 pm

there's a big chance the kids just opened it up without asking their mother

even though as a mother myself I know I would have a watchful eye

I would probably say something cause like you it would eat me up if I don't mention anything ... can you afford the new present your son wanted ? can they afford to repay you for the opened item ?

so ... how close are you - if no good will come of it what can you do ...

Mimisinger

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:16 pm

Don't say anything. It's your fault for leaving it out. For all you know, your friend might have been busy packing and cleaning up your house and one of her kids got into the toy and they didn't realize. If, as you say, you want them to feel comfortable coming again, don't say anything. And, because it wasn't your son's fault, still get him what he wants at the toy store.

amother

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:19 pm

I could bet you that the kids did this without their parents even realizing. I can't imagine that they would have allowed their children to open a wrapped gift. It was clearly done when the parents were not in the room. It's disappointing but I don't think you should say anything. They would probably feel very bad and you would want to maintain this relationship so it would be best off to hold your tongue. It's very nice of you to open your house the way you did. Due to the situation you described, I am always so worried to go places with my kids overnight.

seeker

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:36 pm

It was wrong of them (even those saying parents surely didn't permit - they were unsupervised in someone else's house long enough to dismantle all that packaging with no help and parents didn't even notice after?) but the right thing for op to do now is let it go. Not worth creating relationship awkwardness over a $20 game. Lesson learned for future, put away things you don't want opened. Not entirely your FAULT but yes your lesson.

amother

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:40 pm

you could have gotten the present that way.

sometimes I buy a gift and a gift bag at target, put the gift receipt on the toy and throw it in a bag and hand it that way instead of wrapping the present.

If I gave you the present and you decided to keep it, you may have just left the receipt on there because 'who cares', then you could have put the toy on the shelf and after your son opened it for the first time, put the box in the garbage.

I could see being annoyed that they opened a new toy not that they opened something you planned on returning.

I also agree that the child didnt ask him parents and even if they helped him clean it up they may not have realized that the child opened up a new toy (my children put the garbage parts of the packaging in the box, why they dont trash trash is another story)

Saying something to your friend would accomplish NOTHING. you can only be bothered by something if you let it bother you, the same way you can only get upset at something if you let it upset you (think how well you can control your anger when your in public). View the agmas nefesh as a kapara for something and move on with life.

Chippies

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:44 pm

I will definitely buy the toy for my son - thankfully, it is within our price range so it's totally not an issue.

I'm somewhat close, but not super close with this friend. We talk on the phone a couple of times a month. I already spoke to her once since she stayed here, and I was hoping that she'd bring it up (assuming that she'd say something like, "I hope it was ok that we opened up that toy! I only noticed the gift receipt afterwards..." But she never spoke about it.

And yes, it's possible that the kids opened up the toy without the parents - but the oldest is only 7 and the packaging seemed pretty difficult to open. Also, the cardboard part from inside the box was left all over the house, so obviously the parents knew about it before leaving the house and didn't bother cleaning up after their children (a different issue, I suppose). I don't understand how she could think that this is ok!

lkwdlady

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:49 pm

Chippies wrote:

That's just part of opening your home to another family. Hopefully when you will be the guest your host will be able to overlook things that you might not even realize could bother them.

Chippies

Mon, Feb 09 2015, 9:57 pm

We have been guests before, and my husband and I are very careful that we leave the place in the same condition as it was when we got there. I understand how kids can be messy and open up boxes, but at some point, the parents should have realized it (like when she saw the cardboard and/or packaging around the house) and she should have mentioned it to me. If she was at least apologetic about it, that would make me feel much more at ease. But clearly, she doesn't think she did anything wrong. I think this is what bothers me the most.