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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach
How do I get DH to Pesach clean the house?



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amother


 

Post Tue, Feb 10 2015, 4:32 pm
Why can't he have a turn? He lives here also.

I know if I refuse to clean, he will take over. I want him to willingly give me a sabbatical. Is there any way to get him to see reason?

I have been trying to get his attention to the fact we need more cleaning help. My cleaning lady tells me she is 5 months pregnant and she looks ready to pop. She is huffing and puffing with just her regular cleaning. We need to hire more cleaning help. Unless we do this soon, we will not have help to clean this house. Since I don't speak Spanish and he does, he hires the ladies. He told me that 2 ladies who used to work for me want to come back. I have been trying to get him to work them into the schedule. He isn't paying any attention. If this was his project, he would have all the workers lined up.

How do I make this his job without sacrificing SB?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Feb 10 2015, 4:43 pm
LOL! I was just wondering the same thing today. I was thinking of bribing him but he says that he doesn't want bribes Smile

We do not have cleaning help and probably will not be getting any. But, we live in a small apartment w/ one baby. I am not scrubbing every inch of my house. I am checking the rooms other than the kitchen for large pieces of chametz and saving my energy for important things: the kitchen/dining room.

Anyway, not sure if this will work for you, but this is usually what works for me. I try to make a humongous schedule of what needs to happen when and let him pick jobs that he likes. (I'm NOT an organized person, but it's worth it to pretend if it's the way I can get the help I need). He hates it when I ask him if he could do this or that. This way, he sees what needs to be done and the overall plan. He also likes to help when I am home.

My advice to you, sit down and discuss w/ your DH. Find out what he's comfortable w/. It could be he is uncomfortable w/ doing things that require prior knowledge of where things "go". This can be stressful if you're not used to tinkering around in the kitchen.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 10 2015, 5:48 pm
Give him a choice. Either he can help you clean, or he can make reservations for all of you to go to a nice Pesach hotel.

My DH chooses to go to a hotel, because he knows how hard it is for me to do all the cleaning, and he can't be fussed to pitch in. Works for me!
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 10 2015, 8:11 pm
tell him that you don't have to clean. technically speaking, he's the one obligated in searching for the chametz. Twisted Evil
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vintagebknyc




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 10 2015, 8:17 pm
FranticFrummie wrote:
Give him a choice. Either he can help you clean, or he can make reservations for all of you to go to a nice Pesach hotel.

My DH chooses to go to a hotel, because he knows how hard it is for me to do all the cleaning, and he can't be fussed to pitch in. Works for me!


so glad I read the responses before I posted my own, this was my exact thought. (and not unlike how we do things, because I do not clean)
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 10 2015, 8:20 pm
I once heard a joke that went to the effect of, "if you want a man to so something, suggest he's too old* to do it"

*too old can be switched out for something else, like 'not strong enough' 'not handy' and other things that normally define a "masculine" man

ETA:

I found it, it was a quote from Shirely McLain: "The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it."
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quo.....3e.99
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 10 2015, 9:29 pm
Should I get the thread locked Smile
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 10 2015, 9:39 pm
here's one: adopt a chumra that requires you to kasher his phone and computer in boiling water for pesach.
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skirtznsox




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 10 2015, 11:28 pm
I guess I'm lucky. Mine does all of the cleaning because he thinks I won't do it right. I'm a BT, he's FFB, that helps in this one case. But also, he's really serious about Pesach. Is your DH really serious about Pesach? If he won't hold it against you in the future, tell him you're overwhelmed enough that you don't think you can do it right this year, and that too much will be missed, and please could he make sure that his household is Pesach ready?
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abby1776




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 2:52 am
My DH is really serious about Pesach and thinks I won't do a good job so he does it.

I don't think its fair to tell DH to make reservations at a hotel instead. What if you have 6 kids. It get expensive very fast. Cleaning help costs but not as much as going to a hotel for pesach.
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luppamom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 3:08 am
Even if we had the $ or found a way to finance it, my DH would not want to go to a Pesach hotel. (Not sure if I would either) I either want to have Pesach at home or go to my parents and ILs. If I were to spend money, it would be to travel to Chutz Laaretz and spend Pesach w/ family.

Anyway, that's not happening, so we have to make it work!

Another idea, is your DH good w/ kids? Maybe he could take your DCs on a day trip one Sunday and you can stay home in clean? If you have little kids, this could be so helpful.

Also, make cleaning time fun. Turn on music. Have a delicious supper waiting for DH when he finishes. Have the cleaning supplies he likes on hand, even if you think it's a waste. My DH likes disposable paper towels, so I get them for him. Any random whim (if it's not cost prohibitive) go for it. Also, chocolate or whatever snacks he likes come out when it is cleaning time!
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 3:09 am
This was our first big fight and we're still not over it and this will be our 4th pesach together!

DH thinks the 2 weeks before pesach is for relaxing and chilling because he doesn't have yeshiva/work. So he sits and plays some stupid computer game for hours while I scrub the floors and try and encourage him to help.

Last year I was pregnant so he did a little bit more.

This year I'm going to throw the baby at him and tell him to get out and stay out!

I wanted cleaning to be fun, I put on music (search for Ari the MC's 10 plagues rap), and tried to be all enthusiastic and he just kept sneaking off to play when I wasn't looking. But I wasn't telling him what to do. Yeah right.
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shabri




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 7:58 am
mummiedearest wrote:
tell him that you don't have to clean. technically speaking, he's the one obligated in searching for the chametz. Twisted Evil


This. I hate when ppl talk about their husbands helping clean for Pesach. Technically it's his mitzva and responsibility. Anything I do is helping him not the other way around
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luppamom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 8:00 am
shabri wrote:
This. I hate when ppl talk about their husbands helping clean for Pesach. Technically it's his mitzva and responsibility. Anything I do is helping him not the other way around


My opinion Succos is DH's YT and Pesach is mine. I'm not really so cut out to build a Succah and he's not so cut out for cleaning. I can help him w/ the Succah but under his direction and he can help me w/ the cleaning under my direction.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Feb 11 2015, 8:01 am
I have no idea. Even when I was pregnant with triplets and on bed rest, or when I broke my ankle, all he did was call my mother and make reservations for us to stay by her for the whole holiday, lol! Yep, he'd rather suffer staying over a week with his in-laws then clean the house for pesach.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Mar 08 2015, 12:52 pm
Tip from a single mom here:

You can do this Superwoman. Very Happy Very Happy

Where there's a will, (or no other way) there's a way. Detailed my home last year with NO - gasp! - cleaning help and lived to tell the tale.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Mar 08 2015, 1:08 pm
shabri wrote:
This. I hate when ppl talk about their husbands helping clean for Pesach. Technically it's his mitzva and responsibility. Anything I do is helping him not the other way around


I would love the source.

Btw, no one has to be superwoman.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 08 2015, 2:26 pm
just do the minimum. Make sure there is no chametz. You do not need to scrub, wash curtains, etc. You need to make sure there are no crumbs under the sofa cushions and behind furniture. (I know this is still a lot of work if a house is not so tidy) Inform your husband of this, and if he wants anything more he can do it himself.
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shabri




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 08 2015, 2:41 pm
amother wrote:
I would love the source.

Btw, no one has to be superwoman.


Halachikly he owns everything in the home so it's all his chametz. He has the obligation to get rid of it
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