Teacher gave ds soda

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Feb 18 2015, 10:10 am

Im sorry but I think you are scaring your son unnecessarily with the soda and cancer. The amount of soda that he may or may not be drinking is not that much. And as I said above, I know of two people, one died and one bh is fine now, who had different kinds of cancer who never drank a sip of soda in their lives. What will you tell your son then? If chas vchalila he would know someone who had cancer and never had a drink of soda in their life?
Im sorry, but this is just rubbing me the wrong way. there are so many reasons why cancer happens. We are not to know.

Fox

Wed, Feb 18 2015, 10:56 am

Can I just say a word or two about cause-effect parenting?

I realize it makes sense at the time to oversimplify matters for the sake of promoting good personal habits. But please reconsider.

My 20-year-old daughter, who works with pre-schoolers, had some discoloration on her front teeth. It had nothing to do with brushing, dietary habits, or anything she did or didn't do. It was a condition caused by hereditary calcification patterns.

However, she just spent approximately $2000 of her own money for cosmetic bonding. Why? Not for shidduchim. Not for her own happiness. Not even to look better in photos.

The reason she had the dental work done was simple: at least 2-3 times each month, a child would say something like, "My abba says your teeth are that funny color because you don't brush them" or "My mommy says if I brush my teeth every night, they won't get bad like yours" or "Your teeth are like that because you drank too much pop."

At first, she was able to slough it off, but it happened frequently enough that she found herself feeling more and more self-conscious.

While I'm glad she had the work done, I have no words for the parents who blithely used my lovely daughter's hereditary condition as a personal visual aid to illustrate their own little hygiene lessons.

I'm sure they never expected little Chaim or little Rivka to turn around and repeat their comments. If they knew, they would no doubt be embarrassed -- though probably not as embarrassed as they would be if they knew what I was thinking about their parenting skills while I smile politely.

Oh, and all of my DDs have cut off their babysitting services for the families where this occurred. They are seemingly busy whenever those families need a sitter.

Using someone else's problem, whether major or minor, as your own little morality story is beyond horrible. Not only is it inaccurate, as many posters have noted, it is cruel and insensitive.

dancingqueen

Wed, Feb 18 2015, 11:01 am

IMHO opinion op, you are just begging your son to lie to you with your frequent interrogation of your son as to his sofa and candy intake. As other posters have pointed out, the stricter the parents are about junk food, the more likely the kid is to sneak it.

Also you realize that googling what causes xyz is not a scientific study? Anyone can posit theories on what causes anything, not neccesarily scientific studies. So not only are you presenting your son with possibly inaccurate information, you are needlessly scaring him about cancer. It just sounds like way too much cancer talk with a young child.

I'm sure you a wonderful mother in general but this one thing seems unnecessary. I do agree soda is no health food but scare tactics aren't the way to go.

shalhevet

Wed, Feb 18 2015, 2:10 pm

cuties' mom wrote:

I reminded him that soda causes cancer and cavities. He's old enough to understand both as he had cavities last year, and I lost a close relative to cancer. Its not the first time we discussed the dangers of soda.

I found Fox's post very illuminating and also scary.

It also made me think of so many posts here about women losing their faith/ falling into despair/ etc. because their life isn't like some fairy tale.

Even more than avoiding the scenario Fox described (and that is more than enough reason not to talk to your son like this), you are educating your son to believe like the secular Western world instead of having emuna.
This way of thinking says we are in control of everything. I won't drink soda = I will never have cancer. I won't eat candy = I will never have cavities. I will work out x times a week = I will never have a heart attack.

Is it surprising that people brought up like this get into a panic when they do/ don't get pregnant exactly when they wanted to? Think if they did "all the right things" they are entitled to a parnassa. Etc.

Where does Hashem come into all this? You are brainwashing your child from a very young age that he will control his life, his health, and everything else. All that we can do is our hishtadlus. But don't tell me that is all you are doing. If it was just about hishtadlus you would be saying (assuming it is even true), that we should be careful about our health and so it is best to limit certain kinds of food. NOT that if someone eats white flour/ white sugar/ vegetables with pesticides/ meat/ milk/ monsodium glutamate or whatever the latest trend is, that someone will get cancer. I really can't believe you let him believe this about a (loved) relative - that s/he died because they drank soda, and could have prevented it if they had drunk water instead. I wouldn't even say that about someone who smoked three packs a day. In the end all these things are just our hishtadlus, and not WHY the person died (especially there are people who smoke like a chimney and never get sick. I knew someone who died from lung cancer who never smoked a cigarette in her life, and nor did the people she lived with).

MrsDash

Wed, Feb 18 2015, 2:18 pm

Can I just say that genetics play a HUGE role in oral health. I brushed and flossed as a child, didn't have much candy in the house when I was a kid, had regular dental cleanings and checkups and I've had a heck of a lot of cavities and root canals. My husband on the other hand had lots of nosh and very few dental visits as a child and he's never had a cavity! My almost 8 year old hasn't had any cavities either and even though she brushes, flosses, uses mouthwash and eats very healthy, I owe it mostly to her father's genes.

amother

Wed, Feb 18 2015, 2:20 pm

shalhevet wrote:

I'm not the OP, but I am very strict with my kids' diet and have been talking to them not so unlike the OP. (I never mentioned cancer, but do tell them this and that can make people sick).

I really appreciate your post (specifically the bolded portion), Shalhevet. It is really making me rethink how I will talk to my kids about healthful eating and taking care of our bodies. (Still not letting soda into my home. But will certainly be more thoughtful as to how what I say to them about food and health may effect their emunah).

lkwdmom2

Wed, Feb 18 2015, 8:10 pm

you have to be careful when you deprive kids of candy and nosh. I remember a kid in school taking the chewed up gum off of desks and chewing it because she was desperate for gum. I remember kids begging for my fruit roll up and laffy taffys and offering to trade for their raisens and pretzels. My kids get tons of nosh from birthday parties, Shabbos parties, MM, simchas torah, etc etc. I give choc chips or winkies for cleaning up etc. Eating a little candy and chips every week is OK. I can't believe your son didn't know what chips were and never tasted them before kindergarten. you can have a little nosh in your house it's not the end of the world. Depriving him will just make him crave it more and steal or beg other kids for it. and yes we have soda on Shabbos. we have sprite (no caramel color that "causes" cancer)

miami85

Thu, Feb 19 2015, 12:04 am

MrsDash wrote:

I can second this. I had a time in my life--in my teens--when I was devoted to my oral health, then went to the dentist and found out that I had 7 cavities! I was SO turned off and scared that I didn't even get them filled--I HATE dental procedures. Finally when I was married and pregnant those cavities started to bother me and I've had several root canals. I don't think my DH has been to the dentist since we're married, never complains about his teeth (doesn't brush regularly either Sad

) A lot of it has to do with how spaced your teeth are, how acidic your saliva is, your diet, etc.

And as for the soda CAUSING cancer--my father drank diet pepsi "religously" for YEARS didn't CAUSE cancer.