What gift did u give for s/o that took your child for 2 wks

amother

Tue, Mar 03 2015, 8:22 pm

It's really no ones business how long that child was away.
I've done 2 weeks and my children are doing wonderful BH.

Op, your gift must be worth more than $100 IMO.
I like a linen stores.
Any home good store.
I'd say $200.

2 weeks is a loooong time to have someone else's child. I've done it and it was...how do I put it? Not easy to say it mildly....
More than 5 days is already a play on the nerves of the person.

Maya

Tue, Mar 03 2015, 8:23 pm

amother wrote:

And I've never gotten gifts for hosting nephews. I would be highly insulted (and pressured to respond in kind when my turn came). As Maya said, it's an unwritten contract that we help each other out.

It takes a village, and all that.

Just to clarify, I think it's a ridiculous system. I don't give my kids to anyone and I don't take others either.

The main issue I have with this system is that mothers are less responsible when making family planning decisions because they figure they have all this built-in help and assistance. I bet you all that if the practice was eliminated and mothers would have to have all their children home two days after giving birth, they'd stop getting pregnant every eighteen months. Which, in turn, would lead to more functional homes.

Just my opinion.

But if you ARE giving your kid away for two weeks, $75.00 is not enough of a "gift."

Maya

Tue, Mar 03 2015, 8:30 pm

2ringsnow wrote:

Wow maya ! nice of you to to generalize that people who have big families are not functioning well. Because all small families are picture perfect I assume .

Wow, nice way to twist my words.

Deny it all you want. Everyone I have discussed this with agrees that women would have fewer children if these two weeks of "kimpet" were not available to them. That leads me to believe that these women are not making intelligent decisions regarding their family planning. That's all.

amother

Tue, Mar 03 2015, 8:46 pm

I seriously don't get why posters are making OP feel like an awful mother for making a decision that is right for her family.

I think this is one beautiful aspect of living in such a community, that taking in children other than your own is a natural and warmhearted chessed.

If ch"v children needed to be "farmed out" (hate that term) for medical or serious reasons, it is that much easier to do in a community where it is normal to do so in less dire circumstances.

Again, no 2 year old was permanently damaged from being away from mommy for two weeks. I'd love to meet the superwoman who bonds with the entire family while figuring out nursing schedules and recovering from an episiotamy or c-section. More likely the whole family is thrown into chaos, in any case.

And yes, absolutely, with excellent postpartum care and family support many women there are not resentful of having many children.

In any case, the younger generation is spacing their children farther apart, and planning their family more than in the past. But that's basically irrelevant to poor OPs question.

It bothers me when posters twist something nice around to say ah, no wonder they have a million babies, they abandon them each time they get a new model.

loveandpeace

Tue, Mar 03 2015, 9:59 pm

I don't see anything wrong with sending a kid away for two weeks so mama can get back to herself. And the older kids trust in the parent is restored shortly after she realizes that mom and dad are staying put.
In a world of terrorism suicide rape overuse of social media (in times when mom is with the kid) I hardly think this is what causes unhealthy kids.

amother

Tue, Mar 03 2015, 10:09 pm

I know that was not the point of the OP but since we are off topic anyway...

I think it is a very bad idea.

I sent my baby to my mother for a week and I am still suffering the repercussions of that. My baby was cared for like I would have done and my mother is wonderful with my kids. My baby still became super clingy and afraid since then and every time we go near my mothers house he starts to grab on to me because he is afraid I will leave.

I made a big mistake sending him when he was so young and I wouldn't do it again.

It wasn't fair and he is still traumatized that I left him.

small bean

Tue, Mar 03 2015, 10:23 pm

I never sent my kids away for 2 weeks ( I still have a bunch of kids close in age - one has nothing to do with the other imo... My last kid, I had everyone at the hospital with me and then we went home together... I would still have more)

Anyhow, I had my brothers kids for about 2 weeks while they were on vacation (their kids were totally fine and were not extra clingy or lost their parents trust after...) My brother gave us a $250 gift card, plus a door sign with our name and a brocha achrona chart to hang on the wall.. They also gave us a game for the kids and bought my kids each an age appropriate puzzle. I felt dumb about it as I was not expecting to receive anything from them... Although it was greatly appreciated.

amother

Tue, Mar 03 2015, 11:04 pm

My kids just came home after a 14 day stay @ aunts/cousins (and bh I got them back healthy and content). I am sending to those wonderful relatives mishloach monas with a gift like a kids cd with a book or an elegant home gift.

but as sisters we have a policy not to gift. we say thank you and hashem should reward you for this huge chessed.

amother

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 12:11 am

Wow its great to see such different opinions based on which community someone comes from. I'm from a community that does send but I cant get myself to do it and I know I'm not being a better mother .my sister in law is a better mother than I am and she sends her kids away every 2 years when she has a baby. I've had family send their kids for 2 wks. It wasn't simple but it's just how we do it. Yes some pple would do more planning if they didn't have this option. So what ? I'm happy they have this option. For medical reasons I don't any babies or toddlers now. Surprise!Surprise! I'm not managing better ,my house is not cleaner ,and my kids don't feel" loved " more now than when they were 2 years apart and under the age of 5.

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 1:15 am

No we don't see the kid for 2 weeks. The kid does not forget because we make a great big deal of the kid for the Mazel tov they get, since they are not the baby anymore. The kid does get clingy as a result, which settles down with extra bonding time, therefore, there is no losing trust either. Mom needs to recover to be able to be a good mom for the rest of the family.

Where are the mitzvahs to have kids? Where are the mom's needs to be met? By a nanny who is non jewish and might do something behind our backs? Most of these families don't have the space at home for a nanny anyway. Nanny is good if you have experience with her for a long time beforehand, not if you recently hired her and have her in your house while trying to recover from pregnancy and birth and all the hormonal fluctuation that goes along with it.

2 year olds normally go to a family member whom they already know very well from before. I've seen ppl do this for 3 or 4 weeks, depending on how much rest mom needs, like cesarean or other complicated births. At age 2 they are old enough to have a chart like a calendar to count down the days until they go home again. Yes, they are sad at times, but it is a huuge milestone for them and a huuge learning opportunity if done the correct way. This should not be looked at with negativity, but the same way a person views a different culture or style in life.

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 1:17 am

Oh, and one more thing. By the time they are 6 years old, they start figuring out about when mommy is supposed to have another baby, based solely on their experience and begin making plans. They also start asking if they can go to this or that person's house when the next time comes around

Ms.MaryMack(inblack)

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 1:58 am

When did OP say her kid was two years old? Maybe He's older and I wish I had such a support system. It sounds like a marvelous thing. Let the new mom acclimate to the new baby without the distraction of the older children. When can I come join your community? Im due in two weeks.........

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 2:07 am

Yes it is the support system!! Any community can build their own support system. It's called a Jewish heart. And gift or pay, for OP? Depends on your budget and your willingness to accommodate others when they are in need. Would you take a different family's 2 year old child for 2 weeks straight?

sitting

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 2:40 am

To the people getting worked up about a child being sent off to a friend for 2 weeks "just so mum can have more kids!" A child is for a lifetime. One of the greatest gift u can give ur child is a sibling....for the future....so yes 2 wks is rly not such a big deal in exchange for the gift. And while I know most 2 yr olds never asked for rhe sibling and may not even want the sibling...2 wks away from home un an alternative safe environment is rly not gonna break them....honestly! As for 6, 8 10 yr olds....they often come home even more appreciative and in love with their parents after seeing another home and another set of parents. Honestly chill out

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 2:54 am

Im just wondering where the father is in these families? I think it could be a very nice system, maybe to a family member, but why not have them stay home, with the other parent and someone come help for a few hours a day? Why leave home altogether?

greenfire

Wed, Mar 04 2015, 2:58 am

I would consider that abandonment ... siblings need to bond with the new baby as part of the family too ... hard enough if you have a long stay at the hospital - even then daddy gets to bring the other kids to see you and the new baby

but to be left with a stranger is incomprehensible