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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers
Inspiration for moms who don't love playing with their kids



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amother


 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 2:34 pm
Hi imas,
I'm posting this anonymously because, like I know so many of you are, I'm a bit embarrassed about how much I dreaded getting down on the floor and playing with my kids.

Several weeks ago, in an effort to give my husband a nice, late morning Shabbat sleep in, I went to the dollar store and bought a few little activities that the kids and I could do together on Shabbat morning. I made sure that I was well prepared to keep the kids busy for a solid 2-3 hours.

I also went home and pre-selected a puzzle and a board game that the kids hadn't played in a while, and then I found a deck of cards and put that aside, too.

When the kids got up on Shabbat morning, I went to them and announced that I had a bunch of activities planned for us that morning. They were completely ecstatic. I figured that, while I was sure I'd be bored to tears, I could work hard to make this work for my hubby just this once....

The kids and I went through one activity and then another...and then the puzzle...and then the board game...and then we played 'war' with the deck of cards. We spent hours playing and I was surprised how much I was enjoying myself! My husband got to sleep in for a few hours, and he was so grateful.

The next week I bought a few extra little things from the dollar store and planned another Shabbat morning with the kids. I rotated the board games, pulled out another old puzzle we hadn't worked on for a long time, and announced another Shabbat morning together. The kids were thrilled again!

Fast forward two months and I find myself waking up on Thursdays and Fridays thinking "Is it Shabbos yet? Do I get to spend the morning playing with the kids???"....Never in a million years would I have thought that'd be me!

This is a great new chapter in our lives. I love this quality time with my kids. And...if ever there's a time when I just need some time to myself, it's no problem for me to tell my kids that I played with them for a while but now I need some time to read alone or something like that. They're pretty understanding since we now play together a lot!

I think the fact that Shabbat ensures there are no distractions is what's helpful for me. I know that there's no Facebook to check, no TV to watch, no phone calls to make, no work blackberry to watch, etc. etc. makes it so much easier for me to concentrate on just enjoying the kids.

Shabbat Shalom, Friends!
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amother


 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 2:57 pm
This is amazing, OP and I am so glad you found this special time with your kids.

Yet, you say
Quote:
there's no Facebook to check, no TV to watch, no phone calls to make, no work blackberry to watch
meaning for the entire other 6 days you never focus on your kids or make time to spend with them without distractions?

I am not trying to criticize. I can't say I'm the most amazing Mom. However, I raised all mine pre-cell-phone and pre-Internet. And I find it so sad that today's reality is that many kids will never get their parents' full attention except, if they're not too tired, on Shabbos.

Is this really the new reality? Or can we decide that when we/the kids come home from work/school, or at dinner, they get at least 10 or 20 minutes to talk over their day without competing with media? Or can't you do a little "Special Time" with each kid before bedtime, even if each one only gets 1-2 turns per week?

And have you discovered that it's not that you don't enjoy spending time with your kids, it's just that during the week there are so many distractions that seem more interesting/important/urgent? If you're looking forward to Shabbos, can you find more time during the week too?
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granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 3:06 pm
amother wrote:
This is amazing, OP and I am so glad you found this special time with your kids.

Yet, you say
Quote:
there's no Facebook to check, no TV to watch, no phone calls to make, no work blackberry to watch
meaning for the entire other 6 days you never focus on your kids or make time to spend with them without distractions?

I am not trying to criticize. I can't say I'm the most amazing Mom. However, I raised all mine pre-cell-phone and pre-Internet. And I find it so sad that today's reality is that many kids will never get their parents' full attention except, if they're not too tired, on Shabbos.

Is this really the new reality? Or can we decide that when we/the kids come home from work/school, or at dinner, they get at least 10 or 20 minutes to talk over their day without competing with media? Or can't you do a little "Special Time" with each kid before bedtime, even if each one only gets 1-2 turns per week?

And have you discovered that it's not that you don't enjoy spending time with your kids, it's just that during the week there are so many distractions that seem more interesting/important/urgent? If you're looking forward to Shabbos, can you find more time during the week too?


I thought OPs point was once she made the decision to play with the kids and planned for it, she set herself up for success (which I thought was defined by her enjoying it..it sounded to me like she does play with them but she just didnt enjoy it so much before). truth is, not all moms enjoy playing with their kids. I think you can be a good mom even if you dont enjoy it. and kudos to OP for recognizing it and trying to switch it up so it can be better.

the part about distractions...I raised my older ones before smart phones and facebook, and I had little ones more recently too. I think I'm a pretty good mom but I understand what OP means (I dont, and I didnt think she did, keep my phone in my hand while I'm playing with my kid during the week). It doesnt have to be the cell phone, there are more distractions during the week, the regular phone rings too. and there's errands and laundry and my knitting Smile

some kids never get their parents full attention, and that happened in the pre-cell phone era too. but I wouldnt assume OP's kids are in that category.
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amother


 

Post Fri, Mar 06 2015, 3:22 pm
Op here,
I certainly do give my kids attention during the rest of the week....but it's very different.
I work in the defence and security field and I'm always on call. My blackberry is always in the corner on the counter looming over us, as we all know it could go off and pull me away at any time.
Moreover, with several kids and a full time job (and a husband who runs his own business), our weeknights are very very busy and rushed. By the time I pick the kids up from school, throw dinner on the table, finish with baths and reviewing what the kids did in school that day, there's literally 15 minutes for a bed time story before I turn the lights out on the kids. I can't really think of a time when the kids have had anything close to an hour or two to sit and play during the week.

If I did have time to play with my kids during the week, I imagine my focus and attention would always be divided between playing with them and secretly longing to do something else....maybe baking with them...or making a phone call...going out shopping...or working. But on Shabbat, there's just nothing else to draw my attention away.

This is the life I've chosen for myself - a full-time career, supporting a husband with his own insane business, and still striving for a more traditional lifestyle (large family, shabbos/chagim, community, volunteering, etc.)...It's a crazy one and, unlike some of my SAHM friends, it just doesn't lend itself well to getting on the floor and playing with my kids as much as some other people can. I look at my kids and I KNOW that they aren't missing anything. If I felt that they were, I'd drop something to ensure I could give it to them. They're happy, well balanced and love playing together.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 07 2015, 1:51 pm
So before the iphone it was the real phone, or the books, the magazines, the shopping, the friends, the balancing work and home with a husband who did nothing... MANY MANY old school moms showed how to play but didn't play. Many kids were kicked out the whole time they were home, sent to grandparents one month in the summer... the generation after they were sent to summer camp, sometimes from 3 on. Let's not idealize. We actually must be the generation that is the most full of guilt and of self help and parenting theories.

I don't play on the floor, almost never. It's uncomfy. They're welcome to play on the table if they want me to participate.
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amother


 

Post Sat, Mar 07 2015, 6:45 pm
Ruchel wrote:

I don't play on the floor, almost never. It's uncomfy. They're welcome to play on the table if they want me to participate.


OP here....Yes, I should've been clearer...Most of my games with the kids are done at the dining room table!!
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GreenEyes26




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 07 2015, 9:06 pm
This is really inspiring, thank you! I only have one toddler but I find it so hard to get on the floor and even play with the Magnatiles, dress-up dolls, etc...it's just so boring for me. But this week I happened to get some new toys and books, and it made such a difference for both of us! Going to the dollar store and getting something new, for a dollar or two, can really make the long Shabbos mornings feel less like a chore. Thank you!
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