My kids act crazy when they have to go to the bathroom...

amother

Tue, Mar 10 2015, 5:20 pm

...and they won't go on their own. One is toilet trained, and the other is still in diapers. The toilet trained one gets easily agitated, starts getting upset over every little thing, starts throwing things, and gets aggressive--on the verge of violent. I have to sometimes carry him kicking and screaming into the bathroom when he starts trying to throw things and bite me and talks about "patching" me (I try REALLY hard to NOT patch my kids, only in situations when they do something that deliberately was disobeying and it's generally a quick clap on the hand followed by a discussion/reaffirmation of the proper behavior and a hug as well as the declaration taht mommy doesn't want to patch.) when I'm sitting in the bathroom with him with the door locked I try not to say anything or give him any attention just saying we can go out of the bathroom after he makes in the toilet, and usually within a few minutes he will go and be much calmer. I HATE this struggle b/c not only is it annoying, but it's probably traumatizing him from going on his own--which I don't want, but if I don't do it he just acts crazy!

My other son in diapers when he has to make insists on being held or some other mishugas--I.e. this morning he wanted to be held, but I wanted him to get dressed so I told him let me put on your shirt and I will hold you and he just refused to put on the shirt. It could also be he'll insist on eating a candy and won't accept any other suggestion of "real" food.

The only suggestion a doctor has given me is to give them some mild laxatives but a) my older son notices the laxative in his drink and won't drink it b)I don't see a dramatic improvement with him or it messes his stomach up making it too loose for him to control and then he has accidents, he also gets lots of fiber in his diet which mostly consists of whole wheat bread (sandwhiches) and cheerios, sometime whole wheat pasta and whole grain rice.

seeker

Tue, Mar 10 2015, 8:36 pm

I don't know what to tell you about the bathroom issues, but I also have a child who acts loopy when she has to go... she doesn't seem to notice the need until later (doesn't usually have accidents but will be in an awful/hyper mood from holding it in meanwhile) so I keep an eye on it and send her when I have suspicions or if she hasn't gone in a while. Of course she says "but I don't have to!" and I say that's OK, it's good to sit and try every so often and if nothing comes out you can go back to playing and try again later. I am always right, though Wink

When this child was a toddler it was "hold me" too. Eventually we learned that "hold me" = need to use bathroom. If this is happening to you, forget the shirt - the kid said hold me, send him to the bathroom!

If there's no physical issue, then you need to work on removing the power struggle from this issue. Whatever it takes. Even if it means just stepping back and living with the crazy behavior and even accidents for a little while. The fighting has to stop FIRST, then you can work on finding a new way. But since you know this is a pattern, don't let it get that bad - send him to the bathroom regularly BEFORE he is in aggressive mode. Do it preemptively as a matter of routine. Everything else stops, there's nothing interesting to do and nobody to talk to until after bathroom time is finished. No pressure to make each time, just "trying just in case" for some set amount of time - maybe you can put on a song that runs for 5 minutes or so.

imasinger

Tue, Mar 10 2015, 8:52 pm

What about dried fruit? And fresh fruit and lots of veggies?

The fiber that you describe for his diet is mostly pretty binding.

It might be helpful to find a special, super fun toy that is only to be used while sitting in the bathroom.

Please try to find a better system than what you are doing with patching. The fact that you say "mommy doesn't want to patch you" is especially confusing for a kid. "Why is mommy saying that? Can't mommy decide whatever she wants to do? She's mommy! Maybe when my friend grabs my toy, and I feel conflicted and angry, I should hit. Just like mommy hit me." Time outs are more effective, IMO.

And stay calm when Mr. Sweet Tooth refuses anything but candy. Take him away from food, and keep offering healthy choices every hour or two. Give him choices but not control. "You have to let me put your shirt on. Shall we do it on my lap, in the bathtub, or the floor?" "You can have carrot or pretzel. Candy is for Shabbos. If you don't want carrot or pretzel, how about some cheese? No, canndy is for...Shabbos! OK, you can go play. Food time is over." If he tantrums, so be it. Keep your cool.

amother

Wed, Mar 11 2015, 11:06 pm

Op here, thanks for the responses. The older one has a diagnosis of Apraxia--which affects speech and motor planning--could be he feels "overwhelmed" by the process of going to the bathroom repeatedly which could lead to holding it in, which can lead to his nuttiness, on the other hand he also has a difficult time with transitions in general.
I guess by me saying "Mommy doesn't want to patch you" I want to convey that "Mommy doesn't want to hurt you, Mommy really wants you to listen" I really don't want to resort to anything physical--especially when he's being physical with me, I just want to catch his attention. He does like raisins and grapes, and I encourage him to eat them. I know that on occasion his stomach can be too loose-but I don't know why.
We tried using a tablet computer but he would just sit there for an hour, or on Shabbos its not an option or sometimes its not charged. Also we don't want t/his behavior to be linked to the tablet.

With my younger son, I do give the choices, and I really do try to be firm, but my husband cannot handle the tantrums, and sometimes depending on what it is, I just know that he's not going to back down and it's not worth the fight.