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Help me not go crazy at bedtime
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newmom770




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 11 2015, 7:38 am
I didn't read the whole thing
What jumps out at me is that if your 4 year old takes two hours to fall asleep you are putting her to bed way too early, she is not tired. To make a child stay in bed for two hours every night is crazy. It's her awake time she needs to play. Her bed time needs to be at least an hour and a half later. Some children need a lot less sleep than others. My children sleep a lot less than many of ny friend's children, they just have different needs. I would not make them stay in bed for two hours just like my friend whose children go to sleep at 6:30 wouldn't try putting her children to bed at 4:30. I read in a child sleep book that they should be falling asleep in up to 15 minutes. If it's longer they are going to bed too early.
Now how will you cope? I don't know. I could never go nonstop all day, of course you are super exhausted. Can you get yourself a break or short nap some time in the day? If you can't, then maybe you need her in bed two hours early but just be more accommodating of her going in and out etc because u know she not tired.
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wife2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 11 2015, 7:04 pm
Can you wake them up at or 6 or 7 in the morning so by 7 at night they will have been awake for 12 hours? Of course they will be exhausted and impossible to stay awake for the first couple of days but you have to force them through it. Don't let them lie down or nap at all until 7 pm. Then turn off all the lights in the house and don't respond at all to anything they want.
What happens when you go to bed? Do you tell them Mommy is going to sleep and now she can't watch you? what do you do late at night when they are still awake and you go to sleep (on nights when they are up at 11 pm?)

Kids who sleep well sleep longer. Kids who don't get a lot of sleep get less quality sleep and are more difficult. A kid who gets 10 hours at night is a happy kid, not a kid with 7 hours.
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chanie18




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 11 2015, 7:27 pm
I actually did read a book on sleep that suggested putting kids down earlier instead of later to get them off to sleep better. Once they get wound up and hyper the chances of getting them down are slight.

I was on bedrest which is when I started flat out refusing to rock DD to sleep. I guess because it was a no negotiation kind of issue she picked up on that. There were definitely some difficult days involved.

Do mitzvah notes work? Maybe keep going with the incentives but change them so they don't get boring. My DD will do a lot for a mitzvah note ("dd was careful not to do gezel sheina...") Then the next day do little chocolate chips, then stickers again, etc etc. Or a star chart with a really good prize if she'll understand it.

Btw, as you mentioned, I realised too late with my sn that its very similar to someone else's but the picture is very different, and I mostly recognize people by their picture so I was guessing its ok...
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amother


 

Post Wed, Mar 11 2015, 10:25 pm
I don't know what your financial situation is but when I was at my wit's end, I handed it over to a professional. I just wanted someone to authoritatively tell me how to fix everything! Did everything over the phone btw because we're not in the same state.

http://sleeptightconsultants.com I would at least check out the website if I were you - Linda saved me.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Mar 12 2015, 4:34 am
OP I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's so so difficult and I could have written much of what you write myself! That last phase of the day is the hardest.

I agree with the poster that said it's become a power struggle. KIds pick up on your anxiety very quickly and instinctively push their parents to their limits. I think the incentive charts sound like a great idea. Your kids are still very little so you should be able to come up with simple things that encourage them to go to bed nicely. I don't agree with the poster who says put them to bed later, I think earlier is the answer. Kids of that age should be going to bed around 6.30-7pm. Now is the time to put your all into creating good habits, and you will get there eventually!

I'd start with an incentive chart. Pinpoint the behaviors that are most problematic and they get a sticker on the chart each night for a week with a prize at the end for x number of stars. Mitzva notes can work great too.

BUT

You also need to take better care of yourself. You're falling apart by the end of the day and need to save some energy for that last phase. Sometimes it works when I take a shower as soon as I've put my kids to bed. I tell them at bedtime I'm going to shower then and they need to take care of any requests before that. Then off I go, and usually by the time I'm done they're asleep, as there's nobody there to give them attention.

Also the moth effect helps. Turning off all the lights in the kitchen/lounge etc and only having the bathroom light on so there's nothing to see elsewhere.

Speak to them about the 'new routine' during the afternoon, maybe even with pictures to help them see what's expected at each stage of bedtime. Kids often respond to something that looks like an official document! Ask them during the afternoon what they want at bedtime and how they feel and tell them how it makes you feel. Kids need reminding sometimes that ima has feelings too.

I hope some of this helps Hug
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amother


 

Post Mon, Mar 16 2015, 1:12 am
Exploding anger Banging head Help Help Help At wits end Not listening Feeling beat up Hurry up Sick

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE!!!

I am at my wits' end. Just tell me what to do, quick. Crash course on melatonin for kids usage, dosage, where to buy, safety, etc, please. And anything else I can throw at them. NOTHING IS WORKING!!!

Nap or no nap. Starting earlier, starting later. Both at once, one at a time. Darkness. Music. Aromatherapy. Proteins for supper. Vegetables for supper. Activities during the day. Bonding before bedtime. More stimulation, less stimulation, sensory stimulation, intellectual stimulation, sensory deprivation, whatever, you name it.

There is no hope.

Tonight I diverted 2yo to color quietly in a different room so I could focus on helping/letting 4yo fall asleep. 2yo is never really perfectly quiet but she was pretty absorbed with the coloring. 4yo was REALLY good. Went to bed pretty nicely, lay quietly and calmly listening to music, stayed in bed a looong time (got out once or twice with booboo of some sort, went back fairly enough) until I was pretty sure she was asleep or nearly asleep (and even that was already late, after 9 for sure) and then all of a sudden she popped up at my elbow saying she couldn't fall asleep. I told her to read a book. She sat in bed nicely, calmly and quietly read herself a looooong book, and then complained again couldn't fall asleep. I asked her to try again now that she was finished the book, time to try quiet sleep. SHE DID! She was SO good! And she STILL came out a while later saying she couldn't sleep! Meanwhile 2yo was lively and hopelessly un-sleepy so I didn't even try putting her in, she was just driving me crazy not out of sleep frustration since I didn't even bother, but because she kept doing dangerous things. She is usually pretty tame but now somehow she could not stop climbing and jumping on things that aren't meant to be climbed and jumped on. DH was home by that point (he gets home LATE!) and had to get something from the car, so he took 2yo out in the stroller hoping that the fresh air and walking would calm her down. I started doing some light housekeeping. Thinking it unproductive to stay in bed so long without sleeping (though it had already been over 2 hours before I got that idea...) I invited 4yo to take a break from sleeping and come to my room to keep me company while I organize things. Did a bunch of spring cleaning, shmoozed a little, had some more music, had her try on a couple of things to see if they still fit. She looked tired enough. 2yo at this point looked very tired but was still being very stubborn about not being ready for sleep, and then claimed hungry. Which made sense because she hadn't been so hungry at suppertime, and it was already 5 hours later! So both kids had some midnight snack of peanut butter sandwich and milk. Then bathrooms again. Then back to bed for 4yo, who balked but got ordered firmly and then lay down nicely. I tried putting 2yo to sleep but she resisted. Took her to the bathroom, washed her up, tried again, and she consented to fall asleep ON me, which was definitely better than bopping around not sleeping, but far from the crib training I was aiming for a couple of weeks ago. She started snoring exactly as my clock turned midnight. Meanwhile 4yo had been lying quietly in bed, I thought sleeping but when I came back in her direction after putting down 2yo her eyes were STILL open! I lay with her and snuggled and rubbed her back until she fell asleep, just a few more minutes (I don't usually do that because usually if I lie with her she just wants to shmooze forever and gets distracted instead of falling asleep. Even after midnight she found something to start musing about. I answered and then shushed her and she fell asleep because she was soooooo tired by then)

We are all going to be a bunch of wrecks in the morning. I don't know what to do. Not coping. I did get a bunch of housework done while the kids were still awake but it still took me another hour after they fell asleep to wind myself down, pick up some of the pieces that had been left (I am not that fastidious. I mean that the change-of-season clothes were all over my bed and I wouldn't have a place to sleep until they went somewhere. And the groceries that DH brought in from the car were in the stroller, which I'd need first thing in the morning, plus they were pesachdik and would only remain so if stored away immediately since this house is very much not pesachdik) so I'm still not ready for bed yet, not because I spent a lot of time chilling on imamother, and yet it's already after 1 AM and I need to wake up in a few hours and start dragging these people out of bed so I can send them off to where their teachers will be calling me that they are acting out and did they not sleep enough again? No choice, though; besides the hope of getting into a normal schedule somehow, I need to get myself to work! Not to even mention how I might hope to function once I get there. I am dreading tomorrow. At least I won't have to worry about Pesach break messing with the kids' schedules like I used to; I only need to survive until then.

The worst part is that I have no chocolate and I'm not supposed to either. I did that on purpose. I want chocolate. I want sleep. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!
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