Special Needs Integration

amother

Tue, Mar 17 2015, 9:50 am

Throughout the year my 5 year old has mentioned that there's a new child in his class who has been exhibiting some unusual behavior (violent like biting, inappropriate like pulling his pants down). He also said that he is noisy and frequently misbehaves. I called the teachers to find out what was going on and was told that the behavior was being addressed but that the child has "issues" that they are not at liberty to discuss. Only recently I heard through an unconfirmed but quite likely rumor that the child is mildly autistic. The school is not equipped to handle special needs beyond typical learning disabilities. (There are no "special" classrooms or staff on-hand to relieve the teachers if there are major disruptions.)

Perhaps this behavior only escalated over this past year and the boy's parents had no way of knowing what would happen. But I am so upset. I feel like as a parent, I should have been made aware of the dynamic so that I could explain to my child exactly what was happening. Do you think the school should have said something to the parents of the other children in the class? Clued us in as to what was going on, as opposed to hearing all kinds of ridiculous stories from our kids? At this point, my son thinks children with special needs are violent trouble makers. I don't know if this particular classroom was the best environment for this kid, but I feel like this whole year was so overwhelming for the rest of the class- from a scholastic angle, as well as from a social/behavioral/emotional angle. The kids have learned all kinds of inappropriate behavior as the school was very tolerant of what was ocuring in the classroom. And we, as parents, were brushed off with vague answers when we asked what was going on.

I am so sad for the child and for what he must be enduring. I am so sad for the other little boys. I am sad for the teacher, for the teaching that has become a monumental struggle. And I am so sad for the parents, who must be having a miserable year. But... why is this going on? WHAT is going on? I am so utterly confused. I will be meeting with the administration to discuss the whole situation but I don't even know what to talk about. Should THEY be doing something? What should I be doing?

And please don't bash. I am sure the boy's parents have their own heartaches and struggles and I don't mean to minimize or judge them.

I'd love to hear any thoughts and experiences from anyone who can relate, or anyone who's been on the other end.

imasinger

Tue, Mar 17 2015, 11:01 am

Okay, so my DS (8, 2nd grade) is on the autism spectrum and had difficulty in the classroom. B"H, he is functioning pretty normally now, but still has his quirks.

I am posting this under my own s/n because I think it is important to be open about these matters, and so that anyone with further questions or comments who doesn't want to post them publicly can pm me.

He was diagnosed at 3 and we pulled him from his Jewish preschool and put him in a special public school program, integrated but offering a lot of support. He was there for 3 years.

It wasn't easy for him to keep up Jewishly. I sat with him every day and made sure that he was on grade level with aleph beis, parsha, chagim, etc.

He was often invited to classmate birthday parties held on Shabbos, so he was left out. He complained about having to wear kipa and tzitzis. The school was nice about informing me before any projects or parties involving food, so I could find a kosher equivalent. I had him daven with me at home. I didn't give him bread in his lunch so that we could avoid the bentching issue.

I saw him start to feel resentful about the way being Jewish made him different and gave him extra things to do. So we made the request to put him back into a dayschool for kindergarten. By that point, he had also been diagnosed with ADHD, and we were trying to balance the meds. Attention meds made him not sleep enough, so that after 3 or 4 days on them, he would be unfocused and irritable even with them.

The kindergarten moros were very well meaning, but they didn't understand how important it was to talk to us before problems became terrible, and they also didn't want to bother doing the things we said. They didn't understand that just because 40% of the time DS could follow their direction without a problem, he truly needed additional support. They seemed to think he was somehow being willfully disruptive at times when he was totally overwhelmed.

Yes, at times, he bit or threw things, or cut holes in his clothing. He ripped up his work. He hid in the bathroom. He screamed or interrupted the teacher. He picked his nose. He didn't stay seated where he was supposed to. He sat by himself on the playground.

We provided, at different times, a part time aide, a cube chair for circle time. I kept telling the teachers the importance of routine, and especially of visual cues with words and pictures to help him transition or get on task.

Why was he biting or screaming or throwing? Because someone (kid or adult) suddenly grabbed him or poked him or teased him, and he felt as defenseless as a trapped animal. He hid in the bathroom because he was afraid of another boy who was kind of bullying him. (FWIW, they get along well now.) He ripped papers because he was so frustrated that everyone else could do written work that was beyond his small motor control.

We work very hard with him. Eventually, we found a medication solution to help him not be so upset when he feels overwhelmed, and to sleep at nights even though he is on a stimulant during the day. He goes every day at lunch time to the public school for speech (they work primarily on things like tone of voice, and expected behaviors) and OT. We see a psychiatrist for meds and a psychologist for anxiety. A therapist comes to our house for 2 hours a week of ABA. We do a social skills group.

And slowly, he is improving.

What do I wish would happen more with other parents?

I wish they would have felt comfortable to reach out to us. To invite me and my DS for playdates. To ask me their questions. To help us work with the school to put in the support he needed. To not assume that he would never be able to handle social events that his peers were invited to.

I can and do reach out and invite others. But we are so busy with therapies that I don't do as much as I should.

I hope this all helps you understand a bit. Please feel free to ask me anything in response.