Frum Survivor Sima tells her story publicly for the 1st time

chani8

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 6:41 am

amother wrote:

I wonder if she has any suggestions for parents -- would there have been any way she would have told her parents what was going on at any time during the period that she was being molested?

Kids often don't tell for many reasons. In her case, her abuser threatened to kill himself. That's terrifying.

But she did say that she showed many signs that something terrible was wrong. Anxiety. School problems.

How many times do imamothers post here with clear signs that something serious is wrong with their child, but can't imagine that their child wouldn't 'tell' them that something like molestation is the problem. In my experience, if your son/s are violent and over the top angry, it's probably molestation. Even if the child wont admit it.

rosehill

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 8:37 am

amother wrote:

Why is a random persons word (a person who you (general you) don't know at that) taken as fact just because it's accusing someone else of a crime??

She named four rabbis. Four prominent, well known, well respected rabbis. Her parents, with whom she maintains a close relationship, move in rabbinic circles, and stand to lose (and have lost) much by her coming forward, yet they fully support her.

You really think she's got a strong vendetta against four rabbis and the individual she accuses of molesting her? I fail to see what she possibly has to gain by doing this if it's not true.

As someone pointed out upthread, it's not like an anonymous posting on the Internet. She's taking a huge risk here.

Kol hakavod to her. Maybe the child she is saving will be yours.

rosehill

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 8:45 am

amother wrote:

I'm unsure how I feel about this story.

She is clearly not accusing this guy of raping her, so what exactly was going on? Also, I've watched many other survivors tell their stories at JCW events, and they all rang true, but this one leaves me feeling confused. I'm not saying I don't believe her, [b] I believe her completely [b] I just felt like she was very vague.

Just because she was molested, doesn't mean she's lost all right to privacy. She didn't ask for this, yet she's trying to use her experience to help others. Does it really matter who's fingers were where, and wether they were in the car or on a park bench?

If you're in law enforcement, you need to know the details. All we need to know is that he treated her, and other young women, inappropriately. More than the molestation, I think she wanted us to know about the cover up. That she named names speaks volumes to me.

I hope she knows how wonderful she is, and I wish her all G-d's best going forward.

debsey

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 9:16 am

amother wrote:

Because the victim is above 18. Legally, the adult is on her own. A mandated reporter is for children. There is nothing anyone can do if the victims themselves don't come forward. The social worker has her hands tied in the back.

And for the poster that is shocked about the rabbis, looks like Sima was shocked too... I am not.

I'm not sure this is true. According to what I learned in my mandated reporting training, if there is reason to believe children are currently at risk, she is supposed to report it. The guy was the Hospitality Director of a shul! There's plenty reason to believe he has access to other minors. I'm justt wondering if CA laws are different than NJ. Does anyone know?

amother

Aquamarine

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 9:26 am

Another question: Is there any possibility that hilchos yichud was not abided by? I think it's strange for a 14 year old girl to go alone with a male to a store, even if it's strictly not against hilchos yichud. What was really going on? Was she molested in public?

I'm asking not because I am seeking to place blame. On the contrary, as a parent, it is horrifying to think that as loving and supportive as I'll be, my child still might keep such a terrible secret from me. I am looking to see if there's anything besides from that which would enable me to watch over my children.

amother

Violet

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 9:51 am

amother wrote:

I don't have any reason not to believe her at this point, but I the JCW has no credibility with me. They had someone speak at another one of the events and I know for a fact that this person is conducting a distortion campaign against someone. He/She has over the last decade accused multiple people of various things all which are unfounded. (He/She seems to have a personality disorder) A clear pattern of behavior. Although this has been explained gently to the JCW, they continue to harass the victim of the distortion campaign and uses the exact same tactics they accuse the corrupt Batei Dinim of. I even asked if they can contemplate the possibility that it is not true, and the answer was that people don't lie about this topic. Oh Really? Are you stuck in the '70s?
This is not an anti Sima post. It is an anti-JCW post.

greenfire

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 10:29 am

NOBODY in the world is going to get up & embarrass themselves to say they were molested ... unless they actually were molested/raped

the reason she didn't say the name - although I'm disappointed too - is because otherwise there would be legalities - you know how they use the term 'alleged' even when a murderer is yielding a bloody knife ... but she took the initiative to name the rabbis because that is all she had ...

she sounded nervous - yet straight up & strong when it mattered ... my favorite line was her repeating what the alleged rav claimed as a counter-stance that it was wrong because "this I can tell you with certainty we have every 'moral, legal, ethical & halachik' obligation to do everything we can to address zexual abuse within our frum communities"

amother wrote:

Anyway for someone to tell her to double check the statute of limitations? I think in CA it's like 13 years. This happened 9 years ago and she only turned 18 about 7 if I did math right...

to help brush up on your math - she is 27 - told her situation 9 years ago at 18 when nobody believed her and/or shoved it under the rug - and molestation began at 14 that already leaves 13 years down

amother

Royalblue

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 10:39 am

amother wrote:

What I don't understand is this--why does her saying it make it any more truth than the guy saying he didn't do it? There are a number of people here voicing surprise that these rabbanim that they know brushed it under the rug. Well, guess what? Maybe there was a reason for that. I don't know her and I don't know him but after watching the video I honestly don't believe the story. She sounded melodramatic and didn't even name him. I'm no lawyer but I don't see how he can claim slander for something that happened just because theres no legal evidence of it. Maybe there is good reason people are surprised these big name rabbis (that I also don't know) didn't "do anything" about it. It doesn't sound like any of the responders here know her personally so have any more reason to believe her than him. And much as there is stigma involved in making such claims there are still people who would do it in the name of revenge among other things.

PS while I think people should definitely come forward and we should definitely support them that doesn't mean that every person that claims abuse is a victim. There are stories of people who falsely accused someone and when you are a public figure you are likely to have enemies for good reason or not, but likely not because of s-xual abuse. Still, someone coming forward and others joining in does not in and of itself make someone guilty.

okay so I will agree that its 'he said she said' but if many pp come and say I had this man do so and so to me, then I start thinking that so many pp dont just have a revenge, theres some truth. I just dont know how much of it is true. I do have a problem with that, but theres cross examination and that does do a lot. so these victims didnt pick out my for ex dh or father, this man had something with these pp. I just hope there were better ways to weed out the real from non real ones. no not everyone accused is to be accused. but this is the world, we dont have better ways. like before dna a lot of pp were accused of crimes and sat incarcerated, and today they are free and proven innocent. pray alot that you dont get accused cause noone is immune. its sad:(

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 10:51 am

Learning wrote:

It's not just her accusing him. There are others girls that came forward. It is clear that he is guilty. The rabbi even sent him to therapy. I have the feeling that the people here who are supporting the abuser are his family and friends. That is why they are amothers.

Nope. I don't know him. But it seems clear he's never been convicted of a crime (which admittedly does not mean he didn't commit one) but at the same time he's still lacking the conviction. It doesn't take much for anyone to say anything about anyone. And what's she got to lose? He can't prove slander and she can't prove it wasn't consensual (if anything happened at all). Once someone has these accusations made against them their life is for all intents and purposes over. Even if they are innocent. And false accusations are not as rare as you'd hope. I don't know him but I do know someone else who was falsely accused (never convicted of anything and not on the wall of shame so it's not nec against JCW either). They are victims that everyone sees as monsters for commiting no s-xual crime at all.

sourstix

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 10:53 am

greenfire wrote:

, yes most normal pp wouldnt but I think there are pp out there that would do anything to destroy someone for other reasons, for ex if theres a divorce case , and some crazy guy wants to get at his wife and call cps and she looses kids dont forget at such a point cps can find things in jewish communities that arent ok. like erev shab and yomtov stuff. and if he has an amazing lawyer to do stuff that would make her look bad, I had that. bh it all went ok, but I know someone who did it to his wife and she lost all 5 kids I dont know what went on there, but he clearly did it to hurt her. she might have needed help so what who doesnt. see where I am going? I am not saying there arent molestors and sick pp all I am saying is there are no dna testing to prove it one hundred percent and at this point its her word versus his word. if there are alot more cases pointing a finger now thats a diff story. clearly there were more victims here. that gives it a heads up. but the weberman case there was this one victim. and yes she was cross examined she also could have prepared herself really well. she did have a revenge story on him. thats what I find troubling. look there are abusers I would agree and sick ones and even sicker ones too. I have had experience with an abuser, so I know what it means. but whats this "he said she said" thing? I dont agree on that.

naturalmom5

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 2:05 pm

amother wrote:

And what's she got to lose? He can't prove slander and she can't prove it wasn't consensual (if anything happened at all). .

Um it doesnt matter if it was "consensual" she was FOURTEEN. There is no such thing as consensual betweeen a frum older married man and a 14 year old girl.[/quote]

That's assuming something happened when she was 14 exactly the way she says
Just saying
You need video cameras EVERYWHERE

Scrabble123

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 2:09 pm

amother wrote:

So we're back to my question about yichud.

Where? In his car? People can molest people in cars, in bathrooms... I'm really not understanding this question. It's generally not an isser yichud to go into a public bathroom or in a car. And seriously someone who is molesting a 14 year old probably (not most definitely) does not care about yichud..... Not to mention that yichud derysa is different with an unmarried female (well, and also with a nidda)... why are you stuck up on yichud?

amother

Lilac

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 2:36 pm

amother wrote:

And what's she got to lose? He can't prove slander and she can't prove it wasn't consensual (if anything happened at all). .

Legally, in CA there is NO consent with an under 14 year old and an over 18 year old. Who cares about gender, religion or marital status. Their age is all that matters. 2 16 year olds might be ok legally but 14? Nope. The molestor could be female and victim male and it would be a problem legally since one is over 18.
So she doesn't have to prove it wasn't consensual. Definitionally it wasnt!

amother

Lilac

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 2:38 pm

greenfire wrote:

Thanks... Here I was hoping there was some legal pathways open to her. Missed the part where it was 9years ago she told her parents. I thought it happened 9 years ago...
I wonder when the clock starts- at the time it happened or at 18?

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 3:49 pm

Learning wrote:

I can't believe anybody is doubting her. The rabbis believed her and they know this guy. They sent him to counseling. They just didn't want to make it public. Other girls accuse him. I'm sure the molester family is on here trying to discredit sima. It's really sad.

That's all according to her. We haven't heard any other sides of the story. She says the rabbis believed her. They haven't publicly said anything of the sort (and there are lots of people here who are shocked they didn't do anything so maybe there is more to the story? Those people seem to know the rabbis). She said the rabbis sent him away. Maybe her parents just fired him because of her accusations? That seems pretty reasonable. She says other girls accused him. However, there isn't one police report or criminal investigation against him and no other girls seem to have come forward. This theoretical "other girls" doesn't tell us much. And you don't have to worry about slander for something that is true so why didn't she name him?

Learning

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 3:57 pm

amother wrote:

Who are you?? Why are you amother? Are you friends or family of the molester? The rabbis send him to therapy. If it wasn't true he wouldn't go hiding and omit his name from the website. There are other girls accusing him. The organization that set up this evening won't let her say it if it wasn't true.

Barbara

Fri, Mar 27 2015, 4:07 pm

rosehill wrote:

Can we give a shout out to her parents as well? They had so much to lose in all of this, but they stood by and supported their daughter.