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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Am I Handling This The Right Way?
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 27 2015, 10:30 am
girls & boys alike are human and should learn the same level of respect & mentschlichkeit ...

girls can punch too ~ but then one would still be exacerbating the issue ...

even special needs people need to be taught boundaries
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 27 2015, 10:32 am
No, boys do not automatically hit, right away.

They are FAMOUS for their ability to negotiate.

But every one of them knows hitting is the last stop on the train, if nothing else works.

It is a possible, and a quite real thing. That it is kept veiled does not change that one bit.

Hitting matters. You can't talk it away. You can even die from it. These males do not fool around and they know what's at stake.

What's at stake here is the son. He is tied to the stake, and the girl, who cannot be properly socialized for organic reasons, is able to torment him with impunity.

This seems fine with OP. His mother.

OP doesn't like it much, but considers other things to take precedence over that problem.

This is a failure of home schooling. OP should obtain the curriculum or an approximation, and teach her son the material at home. There must NEVER be "no alternative" to a school or a daycare. It's that desperation that makes you at people's mercy. Who pays? The kid. Not you. The kid. Well, you will pay later.

This school is not being competently run if the children are running rampant over each other in unacceptable ways. What is this, a martian firedrill? Where is the order?
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 27 2015, 10:34 am
This is why mixed gender schooling can be a problem. It can sometimes be hard to defend the males from female aggression.

I favor single gender schooling. I notice it's what rich people of every stripe and religion buy their children the minute they get rich enough to afford it. It is a very big badge of upper class status, single gender schooling.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 27 2015, 10:43 am
"there are times when I have had to tell a special needs individual, "it is inappropriate of you to behave in xyz manner. do not do it again." and beyond the initial embarrassment over a social faux pas, this individual thanked me and never repeated the action. "

Well, that is good. That should go on here.

If this little boy can be expected to generously shrug off hurtful words because the girl has difficulties, we must use that standard for all the wives here who have husbands with long, hard work days at demanding jobs. We must say "what's a little insulting, be patient. He has troubles."

Yeah, right.

No. Nobody should speak harshly to this boy.

For his sake and their own.

We must defend our children.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 27 2015, 10:56 am
Dolly Welsh wrote:
No, boys do not automatically hit, right away.

They are FAMOUS for their ability to negotiate.

But every one of them knows hitting is the last stop on the train, if nothing else works.

It is a possible, and a quite real thing. That it is kept veiled does not change that one bit.

Hitting matters. You can't talk it away. You can even die from it. These males do not fool around and they know what's at stake.

What's at stake here is the son. He is tied to the stake, and the girl, who cannot be properly socialized for organic reasons, is able to torment him with impunity.

This seems fine with OP. His mother.

OP doesn't like it much, but considers other things to take precedence over that problem.

This is a failure of home schooling. OP should obtain the curriculum or an approximation, and teach her son the material at home. There must NEVER be "no alternative" to a school or a daycare. It's that desperation that makes you at people's mercy. Who pays? The kid. Not you. The kid. Well, you will pay later.

This school is not being competently run if the children are running rampant over each other in unacceptable ways. What is this, a martian firedrill? Where is the order?


The most expensive private school in the US is The Lawrenceville School. Its co-ed.

2. Birch Walthem Lenox. Co-ed.

3. Riverdale Country. Co-ed.

4. Salisbury. Male only.

5. Hotchkiss. Co-ed.

(Another list of "best" private school is 1. Phillips Exeter. Co-ed. 2. Ransom Everglades. Co-ed. 3. College Prep in Oakland. Co-ed. 4. Horace Mann. Co-ed. 5. Castellija. All female.)

IOW, you're just making this stuff up as you go along, without any basis whatsoever.

Boys can stand up to girls. Girls can stand up to boys. Most boys don't engage in physical violence, but some do. Most girls don't engage in physical violence, but some do.

And for the record, we've no idea where OP's child goes to school. This is an after school class that he is taking.

In any case, OP, you need to talk to your son about his perception of what is going on, and how he feels about it. He may say "she's an obnoxious little pest, but I just ignore her." He may say "it makes me feel terrible." If its the former, if she tries to start with him again, he should roll his eyes, smirk, and say "you're not even worth a response," before walking away. Make sure that he is never paired with her for projects, and that he is free to sit at a distance from her. If the latter, you need to speak with the director and the teacher. Make clear that the non-apology -- laying the blame on him for being hurt by her hurtful words -- is not acceptable, and that you expect action to be taken. Keep your son's age in mind. If he's an older teen, 16, 17, maybe even 15, he should be there, and he should explain the situation with you as back-up. You'll need to help more with a younger teen.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 27 2015, 11:08 am
Dolly Welsh wrote:
"there are times when I have had to tell a special needs individual, "it is inappropriate of you to behave in xyz manner. do not do it again." and beyond the initial embarrassment over a social faux pas, this individual thanked me and never repeated the action. "

Well, that is good. That should go on here.

If this little boy can be expected to generously shrug off hurtful words because the girl has difficulties, we must use that standard for all the wives here who have husbands with long, hard work days at demanding jobs. We must say "what's a little insulting, be patient. He has troubles."

Yeah, right.

No. Nobody should speak harshly to this boy.

For his sake and their own.

We must defend our children.


no one said we should speak harshly to the boy. I'm talking about the girl. the boy can tell her she is behaving inappropriately, with a harsh voice if necessary. I think shrugging these things off is a bad idea if they are to be in the same class for a semester. there are times to be silent, and there are times to open your mouth.

and for the record, girls know that hitting is "at the end of the train" as well as boys. having grown up between brothers, I can honestly say that we all hit each other. a lot. kids hit. it's not just a boy thing. but I don't expect it to come into play in this scenario.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 27 2015, 12:44 pm
I was wrong about the kid; I thought he was little, I should have read the post more carefully. But I would have said all the same things.

I was wrong about most private schools too. Yes, Barbara is right, they are now mostly co-ed.

Perhaps to get money, and perhaps to avoid lawsuits.

Perhaps from wanting to offer a more funsy time.

Perhaps it's just a mistake.

I still think what I think. I think that single gender schooling produces smarter people, both female and male.

I think huge advancements in the American lower classes would follow the reinstatement of single-gender schooling. It's resisted on legal grounds, not educational ones. And no, that's not quite the same thing.

I myself have had both, and have observed both. I am speaking from direct personal experience of the differences between single gender and co-ed schooling.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 27 2015, 12:48 pm
So the girl emailed the boy that he is a weakling. Charming.

Maybe he will learn a valuable lesson here after all. My money is on him. But this girl needs correction. As you say, she is very nimble intellectually and verbal.

I would still take him out.

This girl is going to have a world of hurt when she sasses the wrong person out in the world. She is only a few years away from adulthood, and there is very little time left to teach her different. Everyone around her is afraid of her formidable tongue.

Poor kid.
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