Nail polish/makeup at what age?

MagentaYenta

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 3:25 pm

Manicures and pedicures are personal care. My mother forbid them and thought that only wh@res got them done. She never cared for her nails or feet. And her lack of care showed to an extent that it was embarrassing. I learned to do my own manicures and pedicures at an early age and got guidance from an elder cousin.

Although I garden a lot in the summer my nails and toes are well cared for. I think it's a great personal care for a woman (young or old). My DD does her own nails and goes for pedi's every two weeks. I tend to file my nails and keep my cuticles neat on a daily basis and do full pedicures every two weeks.

Make up really wasn't a problem for my girls, they started using light blushes and glosses around 14. None painted their faces with foundations etc, and all were blessed with great lashes so clear mascara worked for them. They all started doing their own nails at about 12 or so, and got treated to manicures and pedicures for special occasions.

Peanut2

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 8:14 pm

I paint my 3 year old's nails all the time. It's common for little girls and all the girls in her class do it. It's an easy way to get them to sit still to get their nails cut!

They (and the moms) are very not JAPy and it's a very small OOT school.
My own mother used to put nail polish on me when I was a baby, though she stopped because my dad didn't like it.
It's a thing. The girls like to pick out colors they like, including orange and green sometimes.

Make up I'd say is fine as long as it's subtle and other girls are also wearing. Mascara and lip gloss type of stuff. I wouldn't allow anything that seemed to me inappropriate as long as I have a say. Whether that's 15 or 19 I don't know yet, but in general go by what's done in your area. Where I live none of the little girls have their ears pierced so I am waiting with my daughter, even though she wants earrings, knows it hurts, and I don't mind. It's best to go with the crowd on these things (and I am such a not going with the crowd type person!)

FranticFrummie

Sun, Mar 29 2015, 8:54 pm

I agree with the posters who are saying that it really depends on your community standards. I prefer clear or pale pink on my 11yo DD, but she's starting to want bright and sparkly nail polish like her friends. My rule is that the wild colors have to come off before Shabbos and Yom Tov, because I don't think it looks respectful. Crazy colors are for weekday play. (She's home schooled right now, so no school rules to deal with.)

She has some lip gloss and sheer powder to play with, but she's not really into it. She's not so much of a girly girl, she's more of a rocker chick!

Living OOT gives us lots of opportunities to discuss our standards, and ways to find compromises that look nice, yet still give her a chance to express herself.

(My mom absolutely forbid me to wear any makeup until I was 16, so when I was 12 and up I was shoplifting makeup from the drug store on the way home from school. I'd put it on before school, and scrub it off before I came home. I do NOT want my daughter to feel like she has to sneak around behind my back.)

sitting

Mon, Mar 30 2015, 6:29 am

Not to sound rude or offensive but I think the only thing "old fashioned" is to make ages for when kids can do such and such. Every kid is different and every home is different. See how it goes. When my girls ask these things I try to see if its a passing phase or something they feel very strongly about....if friends are pushing them etc and then go from there....my eldest aged 15 just casually at 12/13 started wearing lipgloss for shabbos...putting it on bf licht....I dont find this a big deal....wldve been silly if I had stood on a moral horse saying only make up at 16 or whatever. She barely wears it now....
On yhe other hand my 12 year old experiments on a fri bf shabb with revolting glittery eye shadow....harmless fun if u ask me...she's not going out and in 6 mths will realise how awful it looks.
moral of my msg is wait and see dont make firm rules on this

PinkFridge

Mon, Mar 30 2015, 8:31 am

DrMom wrote:

I think the fact that your DD is withholding helping you until she gets a manicure is the worrisome aspect of this. That is not okay, and you should speak to her about this attitude.

This.
A few thoughts I had before the friend bribe post:
With my girls, my rule of thumb was, were my friends doing xyz at that age? If so, wow. Because kids grow up so much faster I'd be amazed that we held at that long.
As far as what the school allows, this is not so pashut. Schools ban things not necessarily because they're wrong, but because they can't effectively police it. Take nail polish. They could say, ok, only clear or light pastels, but then they'd have to start policing girls, doing a hand test, etc. It's simpler to say, no nail polish, or till a certain grade. I let my daughters wear makeup out of school, for Shabbos, etc., if tasteful and it's off before school.

For yom tov, especially if my daughter was helping a lot, I'd be inclined to let her do it but not for a dark or strange color. But the withholding help changes everything.

If I were in this situation, I'd tell her,"Look, this is how we do things. You know that I try to make things pleasant, e.g. buying new CDs to work by, and I will probably show my appreciation for your work tangibly if I haven't already. But this isn't how we do things. Beautiful that your friend's work is acknowledged with a mani. Do you want her
-bedtime
-family
-grades
-regular chores
-skin
-etc.?
Because obviously some things I can't control or change, but I'll be happy to change everything else that I can so you can have her life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Your choice. Think about it. But not too long. Because while you're stewing in your room we miss you, and not just for your potato peeling."

Lady Godiva

Mon, Mar 30 2015, 8:37 am

aquad wrote:

I'd say 8th grade girls should have more important things to worry about then their nails- school, Torah, creative outlets, books, etc.
That said, once a girl is interested in her nails, it's an uphill battle to stop her. So:
1. She pays for it out of her own money
2. You vet the colors
3. She also needs to prep at least 2 divrei Torah for the seder- on her own. Not something that the teacher gave her. (Alternatively, cook something of her own choice.)

Have you actually tried #3 with a teenager? I'm curious to know how that worked out for you, if you did.

Barbara

Mon, Mar 30 2015, 9:22 am

amother wrote:

My dd is in 8th grade. She goes to a typical BY school. I planned on allowing her to wear makeup and nail polish to simchas in 10th grade and for shabbos in 11th grade.

She has been begging to get her nails done for pesach. She will be the only one in the neighborhood, but some of her classmates will be wearing polish. I dont feel like its age appropriate.

Am I wrong? According to DD I am old fashioned and know nothing.

I don't think that there is a wrong or a right in this one. It really depends upon what is done in your community.

In my community, mommy-daughter manis are a really big thing. So a lot of girls are wearing polish regularly by age 6. I wouldn't say that there is any age restriction at all. Contrary to what some say, the little girls tend to be more outrageous, with sparkles and other things like that, not more conservative. (I'm old as dirt, and when I was a little girl, I always got my nails done when mom dragged me along to the beauty parlor with her.)

I got my first cosmetics when I was invited to my first bar mitzvah, and in my community, I notice that most girls are allowed to wear makeup to simchas once they and their friends reach bat mitzvah. More regularly, natural looking cosmetics in high school.

So .... IMNSHO, if she has been helping you out a lot, including a lot of cleaning that would be tough on her hands, I would treat her to the luxury of a manicure, with emphasis on the fact that its to treat her hands and cuticles after all that hard work. Tell her that she needs to select a neutral polish.

Chayalle

Mon, Mar 30 2015, 11:52 am

amother wrote:

My DD is in 8th grade, and I do see that she has some friends who wear nailpolish for Yom Tov, but it is not widespread. My older DD waited until 11th grade (16), and so will she.

I do allow her to wear minimal makeup to Simchas - like a touch of blush and lip gloss - though personally she does not need it - she has beautiful coloring - but whatever, it makes her feel special.

cbsmommy

Mon, Mar 30 2015, 12:02 pm

My two cents as both a parent and as a high school teacher are that it's better to not set a hard/fast rule about makeup and instead to have an open dialogue with your child. Why do you want her to wait to wear makeup? Why do you feel nail polish needs to be subdued? Is your budget tight and manis aren't on the ok list? Don't be judgmental and hear her reasons. Also find out what she plans to wear. There is a difference between wearing makeup to cover acne and wearing a full face of makeup. When teens wear dark wine polish (or a french manicure), a smoky eye, and they are contouring their face I question why they are trying to act more mature. When they wear lavender colored nail polish with pink stripes, glitter lip gloss, and purple glitter eyeshadow I recognize that they are trying to express their inner love for color.

If she tells you that her friends like wearing bright blue nail polish, then this might just be one of those stages that passes in three months. If she tells you that she wants a mani because her friends are getting them as a reward for pesach cleaning but your budget is tight, consider telling her that if she wants it for herself and pays half, you'll take her. From a personal perspective, my daughter sucked her fingers. We gave her manis at home in order to discourage the bad habit. Lots of other moms act similarly. Nail polish can be a way for a little girl to hold still for a nail trim. It can help discourage fingernail biting. In my mind a manicure (with bright, colorful polish) isn't meant to indicate that a little girl is looking to date, nor is it a s*xy look employed by a wh@re, it goes hand in hand with the polka dot tutu dress that only a little girl ages 2-8 can wear. When I see a ten year old with ladybug nail art, I don't think "Oh she's trying to act all grown up and mature". I think that this is a phase for creative expression.

From a teacher's perspective, I've noticed that the girls almost all wear makeup at some point between grades 8-12. Some girls have the blessing of their parents, wear it just for Shabbos/simchas, were taught neutral looks, were given some guidelines about brand quality, and know about hygiene. Other girls tell me that they bought a $25 mascara, a $2 bottle of liquid eyeliner, and $50 palette of eye shadow three years prior when their mother was out of town for a weekend and they use it every morning in the school bathroom (aka, no hygiene, no concept of appropriate/inappropriate costs, parents have no idea, and the girls aren't having a conversation with mom/dad).

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Mar 31 2015, 10:31 pm

op here

I tool some advice from here, special shoutout to PINKFRIDGE. Dd did agree with me that her friend was the one pressuring her to get a manicure, she wanted to go with someone. She listened when I told her every family has different rules and obligations. She has been ignoring her friends calls since our conversation, Im assuming its because its still about the manucure.

I also offered to take dd with me when I picked up my wig and she got her brows waxed, it is still new for her so she felt special.

Dd did start helping. I took out dvds and told all the kids that they can watch something after everyone helps, and dd asked what is her chore.

Life with a teenager!!