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Inspired by Sima telling her story....
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amother
Sienna


 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2015, 11:33 pm
I'm a new Amother here, just came across this thread.
I just wanted to add, that I already heard this "rabbis" name in a very negative manner close to 10 years ago.

I then heard that he encourages divorces when he does couples therapy, (when divorce is clearly not necessary) and then becomes very "close" to the woman he advised....

So I believe this op 100 percent....

Op,in sorry you went through this, and I believe you must take steps to bring him off our streets and keep him from hurting other vulnerable women.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2015, 11:36 pm
amother wrote:
I'm a new Amother here, just came across this thread.
I just wanted to add, that I already heard this "rabbis" name in a very negative manner close to 10 years ago.

I then heard that he encourages divorces when he does couples therapy, (when divorce is clearly not necessary) and then becomes very "close" to the woman he advised....

So I believe this op 100 percent....

Op,in sorry you went through this, and I believe you must take steps to bring him off our streets and keep him from hurting other vulnerable women.


Where did you hear this? From someone with firsthand experience?

(This was not asked in a sarcastic way. Hard to tell through posts.)
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2015, 11:57 pm
oliveoil wrote:
I am not negating anyone's pain. I am pointing out that the OP, by her own admission, was an adult in her 20s and was not threatened in any way. That doesn't mean the guy didn't do anything wrong, but also doesn't mean she was a victim. People make mistakes and have regrets, but that doesn't make it abuse or molestation.

In general I'm all for drawing a line between "abuse" and "unhealthy but technically consensual s-xual relationship," if only because the latter is so hard to define it couldn't possibly be prosecuted. (but also largely because of what the latter would say about (female) s-xual autonomy)

But two things-

In this case, he wasn't just any fellow adult, he was her rabbi. I'm pretty sure that makes it a crime, at least in some states.

And also - I don't think we need to be wedded to the legal definition of a s-x crime, here. Someone who deliberately, repeatedly cultivates s-xual relationships with vulnerable young people that cause them emotional harm should be dealt with by the community somehow. We can't just say "oh well, everyone was over the age of 18, not our problem." Maybe the courts won't send him to jail, but it's still our problem. We still have a responsibility to the next over-legal-age-but-still-vulnerable young person.

I agree that it's a complicated issue if it happens just one time, with a person who's not in a uniquely vulnerable position (eg. patient). Giving the predatory party a pass is a problem if any reasonable person can see that in fact they were doing something morally wrong. But opening the door to defining adult women as victims creates a whole host of new issues.

BUT - in this case, he was her RABBI. And it sounds like it happened with more than just one woman. So, stickiness averted. It was wrong.

(eta - I see you already said it was wrong. I mean, since he was her rabbi, etc, it went beyond just "morally wrong" into "we as a community need to deal with this" territory)


Last edited by ora_43 on Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Mar 28 2015, 11:59 pm
OP,
I think maybe some posters are confused/questioning because it wasn't clear from your original post if you were sharing your story just to get it off your chest, or trying to warn people against a specific person.

I'm sorry for what you went through. How awful to go to someone for help, only to have them hurt you even more. I hope you are blessed with much happiness and healing from here on.
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:24 am
I'm totally shaking.
The accused is a relative of mine and although not immediate family its enough to shake me to the core!
I don't know what to say.
OP, my heart goes out to you for what you have gone through. To think that he is doing this to women, I just cant believe it!

I applaud you that you come out to warn ppl even as this makes me sick to my stomach.
Oy, what has this world come to!?!

I'm so embarrassed and ashamed.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 10:42 am
amother wrote:
I'm totally shaking.
The accused is a relative of mine and although not immediate family its enough to shake me to the core!
I don't know what to say.
OP, my heart goes out to you for what you have gone through. To think that he is doing this to women, I just cant believe it!

I applaud you that you come out to warn ppl even as this makes me sick to my stomach.
Oy, what has this world come to!?!

I'm so embarrassed and ashamed.

Mine, too. I'm shocked yet not surprised at the same time.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 10:59 am
It does sound like a manipulative and unhealthy relationship that OP experienced, and I feel for her pain, but I also have a hard time putting this on the same tier as child molesters and other relations offenders. She was in her twenties and apparently of sound mind, and unless some sort of direct coercion was used, I don't think there's anything criminal going on here. Wrong, disturbing, immoral, disgusting; but not criminal.
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hillbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 11:43 am
amother wrote:
It does sound like a manipulative and unhealthy relationship that OP experienced, and I feel for her pain, but I also have a hard time putting this on the same tier as child molesters and other relations offenders. She was in her twenties and apparently of sound mind, and unless some sort of direct coercion was used, I don't think there's anything criminal going on here. Wrong, disturbing, immoral, disgusting; but not criminal.




The legislatures of 13 states and the District of Columbia disagree with your assessment that this type of behavior does not amount to criminal activity. It is a crime in Arkansas, Connecticut, Delaware, Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Dakota, Texas, South Dakota, Utah, Wisconsin and the District of Columbia.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 11:48 am
Op I don't mean to be insensitive, but how should we know that this is true? It's a witch hunt nowadays...not to say that you r story isn't true, but I find it unbelievable that such a famous teacher/counselor/speaker could still be going around speaking to women with no one coming to speak out against him. I've tried Googling and have only found random blog posts, but nothing credible or reliable.
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rednavy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:29 pm
Without referring to OP's story in particular, I wonder if it is a good idea to allow anonymous users, with no backing other than a typed message, to accuse people of serious crimes here, especially of this nature.
Seeing how seriously this is being taken by women here, including relatives of the accused, I wonder if this opens the door for insincere people to take advantage of a forum of women who are willing to believe a lot without much evidence.

Is it this easy to ruin a reputation should someone want to?
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naturalmom5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:41 pm
That's. What they said in the Weberman threads
Are you related to him previous poster
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:43 pm
amother wrote:
Op I don't mean to be insensitive, but how should we know that this is true? It's a witch hunt nowadays...not to say that you r story isn't true, but I find it unbelievable that such a famous teacher/counselor/speaker could still be going around speaking to women with no one coming to speak out against him. I've tried Googling and have only found random blog posts, but nothing credible or reliable.

You don't have to believe me. Your belief or disbelieve will, unfortunately, not change the reality of what he did. I am thankful that I am no longer being victimized by him and that I can protect those in my life.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:46 pm
naturalmom5 wrote:
That's. What they said in the Weberman threads
Are you related to him previous poster


This is the kind of post I don't understand. She was NOT defending him (like another poster on another thread is busy doing with Simas abuse). She was NOT saying he's innocent & she was not saying the OP isn't credible. All she's saying (& I wholeheartedly agree) is that there has to be some sort of way to know if someone is saying the truth or not. Believing a false statement can ruin lives! Sima stood up, faced everyone and said her story. This poster is anonymous. Realistically, how can we know if she's saying the truth?
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 12:54 pm
amother wrote:
This is the kind of post I don't understand. She was NOT defending him (like another poster on another thread is busy doing with Simas abuse). She was NOT saying he's innocent & she was not saying the OP isn't credible. All she's saying (& I wholeheartedly agree) is that there has to be some sort of way to know if someone is saying the truth or not. Believing a false statement can ruin lives! Sima stood up, faced everyone and said her story. This poster is anonymous. Realistically, how can we know if she's saying the truth?

I am a wife and a mother. I choose to protect my family and thereby remain anonymous here. HaShem is the only one that gets to judge me for my intentions and my truthfulness. You will not be the one to prosecute this manipulative monster; not in this world, and not in the world to come. Therefore, you do not need to know who I am. It is becoming pretty obvious who here has 1st hand experience with victimization and who doesn't. Some comments here are beyond insensitive, judgemental, and out of line. If you choose to protect yourself and loved ones, I can only suggest you be careful with who you label as someone that deserves respect. Fame, power, and a chassidish livush does NOT equal a pure person.
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 3:39 pm
Maya wrote:
Mine, too. I'm shocked yet not surprised at the same time.


Well hi then dear relative....
In our part of the fam he is held in such high regard. I can't even bring myself to tell my hub or anyone in the fam for that matter.
Though if it becomes the news on the street and isn't kept hushed its gonna be one big loud outcry!
Why are you not surprised though?

To all another's, is this OP a lone case or have other mothers here also been victimized.

Also OP, were you dressed in a way that could have set him off? I'm sorry if this insensitive question, don't mean it as such, just trying to understand what making him tick. If he just picks ppl out of the blue or only ones that dressed pretty.
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 4:09 pm
I'm not surprised anymore by anything that happens in this "field."
I'm not either telling anyone, not because I'm denying that it could be true, just because I'm old enough to know that not everything I read is definitely true.

Also, it's wrong if you to imply that OP's way of dress may have played a factor.
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amother
Salmon


 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 4:52 pm
OP here. My dress had nothing to do with anything. Like I said, I was in a very vulnerable broken period in my life and he was going to "rescue" me and "save" me. At least that was the plan.
I also know that I am not alone. There is one other woman I know of. And according to a pdychologist I spoke to at ADKAN, they have received reports from 4 women about him.
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raro




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 7:36 pm
Heard his name like 10-15 years ago (from a therapist )! After reading the whole tread, 4 pages, I checked the link to be sure ...
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youngishbear




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 7:46 pm
raro wrote:
Heard his name like 10-15 years ago (from a therapist )! After reading the whole tread, 4 pages, I checked the link to be sure ...


Heard his name as a recomendation or to stay away from?
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raro




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 29 2015, 7:54 pm
youngishbear wrote:
Heard his name as a recomendation or to stay away from?

I was a child in therapy, the therapist shared some sort of story with my mom (to stay far away from him). The name just stuck to me, and I was waiting when it will go public. Bingo!
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