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-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
Mauve
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Fri, Mar 27 2015, 3:00 am
I love my kids and they are very good but one of them has a hard time listening to me. I tell her to do her homework and she doesn't want to. She would rather watch a movie. I ask to take a bathe and she would rather play ball. Does anyone have any have any suggestions?
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chani8
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Fri, Mar 27 2015, 7:36 am
Stop telling her to do things. Ask her. And let her say no. Let her run her life a bit more.
If she fails doing her homework, let her deal with the consequences. And don't punish. Ask if she wants help with homework, help remembering to do it, or not.
Ask her when and how often she wants to bathe. Teach the health benefits of bathing, and ask google for minimal amount of bathing required for a healthy body.
When she's had a say in her life, then ask her if she wants you to remind her to do the things she's planned, or to let her handle it completely.
Do you have set times for movies? Does she have a predictable schedule so that she knows what to expect? I know my kids find it hard to have commands thrown at them at a whim.
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Chayalle
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Fri, Mar 27 2015, 11:04 am
You don't mention her age....but she sounds pretty normal. I mean, I'd rather watch a movie than make supper. And though personal hygiene is definitely a priority for me, there are times I'm not in the mood, either.
I agree with Chanie about giving choices, though in a slightly different vein. For example, I'd ask her if she'd like to do her h.w. now, or after a bit of chill time (which could include movie.) Let her figure out how much time her h.w. will take and whether her schedule allows for both.
Does she want to play ball now? Will she come in 10 minutes early, on her own, for a bath? Let her learn to manage and structure her time.
I sometimes tell my kids that we have jobs to do in this world that are not optional. I cook supper, and I wash laundry, and I sweep up and vacuum and wipe down the countertops....and I'm not doing it for fun. Just as I have my jobs to do, they have theirs. They can choose when to do it, and how to manage their time, but no one gets a totally free pass.
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12rivkyk34
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Sun, Mar 29 2015, 11:45 pm
I agree with Chayalle about giving choices. Not everything has to become a battle of my way or your way & you don't always have to just give in. You can say, for example, "it's bath time now- would you like me to put the boat toy in or the cup stackers?" or "should I wash your hair right away or do you want to splash around a bit beforehand?" choices give the child power while you are still stating the expected behavior.
Regarding homework- "it's time for HW, should we do it with a snack or should I make you a tea? In the playroom or at the kitchen table? Math 1st or handwriting?" Notice how the ball is still in your court but she is given some power to choose.
Hatzlocha!
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