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-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Shavuos
Sanguine
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Mon, Apr 13 2015, 11:25 pm
amother wrote: | I wish that would've been my biggest problem. My husband is not going to shul during the week at all. Doesn't even daven Mariv. I used to be sick about it, still bothers me a lot. But what can I do?? | Does he daven Shacharit at home? So that's not so bad (at least your kids get to see what Tfillin is ). I think everyone goes in and out of stronger "formal" religious practices and less (us too). When I was single and before children I was always "religiously" in shul for the start on Shabbat. Then I stopped cause I had little kids at home. Now my kids are bigger and I have no excuse so I get to shul during leining unless I can find an excuse not to go at all (it's cold, it's hot, I'm tired...). I'm not less religious than I was (maybe more), but that's how things go. How many ladies go for the start of shul on Shabbat? But I used to.
Don't worry about your husband unless you see a lot of other not interested attitudes. Shul is a social thing for men. They come back.
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Ruchel
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Tue, Apr 14 2015, 4:54 am
Does he not daven in shul or not daven?
It's extremely different. It has actually no tie.
Much better to daven home/work than go to shul socially with a kippa thrown on (or not) and chatter.
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amother
Pewter
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Tue, Apr 14 2015, 6:28 am
He davens shachris at home but that's about it. Shabbos he goes to shul, we have big boys so he has to do it for them. He used to be very erlich a makpid in every little detail. By now I don't know how much he believes in.
I actually feel that I don't really wanna know cause I can't do anything about it.
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Sanguine
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Tue, Apr 14 2015, 10:47 am
amother wrote: | He davens shachris at home but that's about it. Shabbos he goes to shul, we have big boys so he has to do it for them. He used to be very erlich a makpid in every little detail. By now I don't know how much he believes in.
I actually feel that I don't really wanna know cause I can't do anything about it. | When you're younger you're always more ideological, more passionate and more spiritual. That's why teens love reading tearjerkers and love sitting around a fire singing sad songs. So, it's a perfect age for strong religion (that's why all the cults target college campuses). But when we get older we get busier with all the demands of life, and religion tends to become more routine. It's hard to be so makpid on everything cause you really don't have the time and you don't have that passion of youth. Maybe your husband was too Makpid before, too many chumras, and now he's burned out. It doesn't mean that he won't go back to it all but he needs a break. He'll keep following the routine but he's not doing extra now. I don't know what you or he was till now and I don't know what will be, but many MO men daven at Shacharit at home and they're still serious Shomrei Mitzvot.
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amother
Emerald
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Tue, Apr 14 2015, 10:50 am
sourstix wrote: | all couples have this. he reminds you bec he thinks you want that. or maybe ask him why he thinks its important to remind you. you may be surprized to hear why. you can casually say its annoying. you dont like it. dont do to him what he does to you its not he does so do I. its immature. discuss it. say you feel better remembering yourself. if he feels he needs to, then let him write a reminder on the fridge and it will be there to remember and he doesnt have to say it to annoy you. |
Lol. We were in therapy. Not over this, but this came up during a session. Therapist told him it's absolutely inappropriate to constantly check up on your spouse. "Did you bench? Don't forget to bench! Do you want to bench already?"
In his mind, it's more important for me to bench than for him not to get on my nerves. He has eased up a bit since then but still does it. Grrrrr.
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