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Why was my university tutor so annoyed with me



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amother
Beige


 

Post Thu, Apr 16 2015, 3:35 pm
I am a nursing student and today I went to see this lady from my university, everyone is so horrible to me there, and she is the only person who is kind, caring and lovely to me.
Anyway, today she asked me "are you doing an elective?" ( We have the option to do an elective as part of the course where we can undertake a placement anywhere we choose, in any setting.
I said to her "no"
The truth is, I did apply for an elective, but I never heard back from the panel as to whether my application was successful, and whether it had been approved that I can go. Even the deadline has long passed, and everyone else had found out ages ago (and been successful), I did not email anyone from the university to ask why I hadn't found out. This was because I have had issues on my placements (I was bullied very badly although it resulted in lies being written about me), I failed my first essay, and I only JUST passed my first exam. Being aware of this, I thought obviously I just hadn't been successful and the university didn't want me to go on the elective - especially as they kept saying how you have to be a good performing student.
Then this nice lady asked me "did you apply for an elective?" I said to her yes, but I never heard anything back. She got very annoyed/upset when I said this, and she said to me "why didn't you contact us to find out what happened with your application?" I said to her I thought I had been unsuccessful, and anyway, I decided that I was unsure if I even wanted to do it. I was 100 percent sure that I had been unsuccessful, based on my poor record on the course, so I thought what would be the point of asking, only to be told I hadn't been allowed to go the elective? you know?
Then she said to me "I'm going to look up your name and see what happened with your application". She saw that my application had been approved and that I'm perfectly free to go ahead with my elective if I want to. She said to me that deciding I didn't want to do it in the end is irrelevant, that I still should have inquired what happened with my application..after all, it was simply an error in the confirmation email not being properly received to my inbox. She was just really upset, she said to me I mustn't remain silent, she said are we really that scary? As it happens this lady is lovely, but I was thinking, if she knew, how my personal tutor once spoke to me, she would understand). Of course I couldn't tell her how my personal tutor left me in tears once, as she knows who my personal tutor is.
Straight away after I left the room to go, she went to speak to the lady who is in charge of electives to get her to send me the confirmation email, which she did. She said she wanted to get this matter sorted out now.
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Miri7




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 16 2015, 3:59 pm
It sounds like this lady doesn't know your whole backstory of university people being unkind to you. She was likely frustrated that you didn't follow up on this opportunity.

A big part of learning to function in the professional world is learning to advocate for yourself and others, and to follow-up on things. When you are primarily responsible for something and need others to get things done for you, then it's your responsibility to follow up and make sure that they do what they're supposed to or get back to you with the information you need.

So she was probably frustrated that (1) the system didn't work and let your application fall through the cracks by not notifying you of your acceptance and (2) that you just assumed you were rejected without following up to check on the status of your application.

Don't worry too much about it. Take it as a learning moment so that you know to follow up on things next time, and enjoy your elective!
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Helig.daughter




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 16 2015, 5:18 pm
From personal experience, the one lady was extra nice to you, but even she had a breaking point.
Nursing school is real world, not play group with naps and milk and cookies.
When professional places see married women over 21 acting like 1st grade they can get testy..
Or they feel you are taking it seriously..

Hatzlacha..
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mille




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 16 2015, 6:21 pm
Miri7 wrote:
It sounds like this lady doesn't know your whole backstory of university people being unkind to you. She was likely frustrated that you didn't follow up on this opportunity.

A big part of learning to function in the professional world is learning to advocate for yourself and others, and to follow-up on things. When you are primarily responsible for something and need others to get things done for you, then it's your responsibility to follow up and make sure that they do what they're supposed to or get back to you with the information you need.

So she was probably frustrated that (1) the system didn't work and let your application fall through the cracks by not notifying you of your acceptance and (2) that you just assumed you were rejected without following up to check on the status of your application.

Don't worry too much about it. Take it as a learning moment so that you know to follow up on things next time, and enjoy your elective!


Very well said. I have a background in HR, and I can understand where the lady is coming from. Sometimes things happen, and if you don't tell anyone, we don't know that there's an issue! Many issues are easily resolved, but you HAVE to advocate for yourself. You HAVE to speak up. Honestly, if you want to be a nurse, this is a skill I think you would be wise to work on. Having a bad experience in the past doesn't taint all future experiences, unless you let that happen. Don't let it happen.

I think your tutor is probably frustrated because thousands of people apply for nursing programs and plenty do NOT get in. From her perspective, maybe it sounds like you just don't care about your education, which might be frustrating for a tutor. I'm sorry she wasn't nice to you, but maybe this will help you consider the other perspective. The fact that you chose not to follow up on a placement might make her wonder if you even want to be in nursing school at all. I would certainly have felt that way if a prospective hire never followed up on, say, paperwork they sent me that I never responded to, when I worked in HR. It would say to me that they didn't really want the job to begin with.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Thu, Apr 16 2015, 10:02 pm
mille wrote:
Very well said. I have a background in HR, and I can understand where the lady is coming from. Sometimes things happen, and if you don't tell anyone, we don't know that there's an issue! Many issues are easily resolved, but you HAVE to advocate for yourself. You HAVE to speak up. Honestly, if you want to be a nurse, this is a skill I think you would be wise to work on. Having a bad experience in the past doesn't taint all future experiences, unless you let that happen. Don't let it happen.

I think your tutor is probably frustrated because thousands of people apply for nursing programs and plenty do NOT get in. From her perspective, maybe it sounds like you just don't care about your education, which might be frustrating for a tutor. I'm sorry she wasn't nice to you, but maybe this will help you consider the other perspective. The fact that you chose not to follow up on a placement might make her wonder if you even want to be in nursing school at all. I would certainly have felt that way if a prospective hire never followed up on, say, paperwork they sent me that I never responded to, when I worked in HR. It would say to me that they didn't really want the job to begin with.


I understand what you mean, but I genuinely 100 percent believed I had not been successful.
If you were me and you heard the way they kept saying that it is totally their decision as to whether you can do your elective, based on your performance on the course, you would understand why I felt that way. It was really nothing to do with me not wanting to be committed to the course, purely the fact that I was totally sure that had I asked anything, I would be told I'd been unsuccessful.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 16 2015, 10:16 pm
Look, you can choose to learn from what she said, or you can continue to be bound by your painful past.

Next time you don't hear something in a reasonable time frame, what are you going to do?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 16 2015, 10:40 pm
If you view yourself as a person who fails, then you will continue to fail.

Your tutor was just trying to shake you out of your complacency, and get you to wake up and take charge of your life.

You should thank her for caring enough to actually be concerned about you, many would be happy to just let you quietly slip through the cracks.
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Dandelion1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 16 2015, 10:59 pm
One thing I really regret from my grad school days was my lack of perspective. There were a lot of kind of nasty supervisors and instructors in my program too. I always felt like there was this undercurrent of "you're not good enough, you should be learning faster, what's wrong with you." In retrospect I realize that I was a student, and it was my right and my job not to know everything, but to throw myself into it wholeheartedly to learn, observe, and incorporate everything I could. I regret the wasted emotion and self doubt. B'h, 15 years later, I am a confident and seasoned professional. How could I have been so then?? It took 15 years of training and experience!

Don't hold on to past failures, or perceived slights. Don't apologize for your not yet perfection. Try to mentally psych yourself to put yourself out there, ask for whatever opportunities exist, and be an open book, ready to learn.... Believe that you are capable and deserve it.
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mille




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 17 2015, 7:34 am
amother wrote:
I understand what you mean, but I genuinely 100 percent believed I had not been successful.
If you were me and you heard the way they kept saying that it is totally their decision as to whether you can do your elective, based on your performance on the course, you would understand why I felt that way. It was really nothing to do with me not wanting to be committed to the course, purely the fact that I was totally sure that had I asked anything, I would be told I'd been unsuccessful.


I still think that NOT following up was a very poor choice. Yes, it's their decision, and you were not happy with your previous performance. But you never know the situation. Maybe they had very few applicants. Maybe there's something they liked about yours in particular. Maybe they totally understand that nursing school is hard and failing one exam isn't the worst thing in the world. Not following up shows that you did not really care about getting the placement, honestly.

It sounds like you still want to blame everyone else than take charge and own up to it. Learn from this and move on. Follow up next time. If you are so afraid of rejection that you don't want to follow up on something like this, I fear you'll have a difficult time in the future. Most people don't land the very first job they apply for...
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SRS




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 17 2015, 11:57 am
I think your take away is that you need to learn to follow up and ask questions and take charge of your future. From your post "everyone is so horrible to me there" it sounds like you are having a hard time functioning in this environment. Perhaps go in and get some feedback from the lady who has been good to you and was annoyed and tell her you feel you are having a hard time swimming and need some tips. Every field has its own culture and this is the culture of your field, so you probably want to learn it or seek something in the field with a more familiar culture.
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justajewishlady




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 17 2015, 12:24 pm
I am sensing some deep insecurities from your post, and it looks like your perspective is preventing you from being successful. Just my take, I might be way off though. You are MORE than capable of following through and doing well academically. It is never the responsibility of anybody but the student to make sure things get done. You have to fight for yourself in college and everywhere after in life, yes even at work, even in very professional environments. Never feel like you're not good enough even if your transcript is less than stellar. You WANT to shine and be noticed, especially now. You can be humble but stand out, hiding behind your fears will prevent you from having a career and doing well in it. I myself had a very rough time in college and didn't finish until I was 26, but it doesn't mean I can't be awesome. I came back from a 1.7 gpa and although I didn't quite break a 3.5 I am still very proud of myself. My goal is to get into medical school now, which is a few years off, but I know I can do it yes even with my crazy looking transcript. Nobody will hold your hand in college, if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to conquer college and its environment. Professors, staff, students etc are there along side with you but they are not your parents, you have to do the work, you have to run around to fifty different offices because everyone is too lazy to help you, you just have to deal with this stuff. If your tutor is bad then get a new one, but do it because they aren't a good tutor, not because you're not being a responsible student. No offense really, I am not trying to come across as harsh. My mom was a nurse for 25 years, it is a dog eat dog world. There is no place for sensitivity in the nursing world, you'll be treated like **** and get stuck shoveling **** out of people's buttholes, no joke. Yes there are some wonderful things about nursing, but you will be worked like a dog and it will be so much harder for you to stand on your own two feet if you don't change some things now. Toughen up, know you are wonderful and capable, but do not make excuses. I don't think everybody is horrible to you, I think that's your sensitive side coming out, and while I am not trying to make you feel bad, I want you to feel supported here, growing up and experiencing life without the shelter of being a child is hard but necessary and wonderful. You either sink or you swim, it's literally that simple. Which one do you want? The harder you work now and the more you toughen up, the easier and happier your life will be later. You pick. Work hard now have easy later, or sink. It's all you baby! Only you.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Fri, Apr 17 2015, 1:43 pm
justajewishlady wrote:
I am sensing some deep insecurities from your post, and it looks like your perspective is preventing you from being successful. Just my take, I might be way off though. You are MORE than capable of following through and doing well academically. It is never the responsibility of anybody but the student to make sure things get done. You have to fight for yourself in college and everywhere after in life, yes even at work, even in very professional environments. Never feel like you're not good enough even if your transcript is less than stellar. You WANT to shine and be noticed, especially now. You can be humble but stand out, hiding behind your fears will prevent you from having a career and doing well in it. I myself had a very rough time in college and didn't finish until I was 26, but it doesn't mean I can't be awesome. I came back from a 1.7 gpa and although I didn't quite break a 3.5 I am still very proud of myself. My goal is to get into medical school now, which is a few years off, but I know I can do it yes even with my crazy looking transcript. Nobody will hold your hand in college, if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to conquer college and its environment. Professors, staff, students etc are there along side with you but they are not your parents, you have to do the work, you have to run around to fifty different offices because everyone is too lazy to help you, you just have to deal with this stuff. If your tutor is bad then get a new one, but do it because they aren't a good tutor, not because you're not being a responsible student. No offense really, I am not trying to come across as harsh. My mom was a nurse for 25 years, it is a dog eat dog world. There is no place for sensitivity in the nursing world, you'll be treated like **** and get stuck shoveling **** out of people's buttholes, no joke. Yes there are some wonderful things about nursing, but you will be worked like a dog and it will be so much harder for you to stand on your own two feet if you don't change some things now. Toughen up, know you are wonderful and capable, but do not make excuses. I don't think everybody is horrible to you, I think that's your sensitive side coming out, and while I am not trying to make you feel bad, I want you to feel supported here, growing up and experiencing life without the shelter of being a child is hard but necessary and wonderful. You either sink or you swim, it's literally that simple. Which one do you want? The harder you work now and the more you toughen up, the easier and happier your life will be later. You pick. Work hard now have easy later, or sink. It's all you baby! Only you.


Thanks for your advice. I was speaking to a girl I know and she said she is sure they will understand that I did not think I had been accepted. It is amazing how much a difference it makes to have someone supportive. It just creates a positive vibe that I never experienced until then. Anyway I've decided to do the elective now. Since I may as well take advantage of the opportunity Smile I did always want to do it, I just thought that I hadn't been allowed to because of my poor performance on everything. I genuinely thought that. It was not me being lazy.
I sent an email to the place I want to do the elective, explaining how sorry I am for the huge delay in getting back to them, and that I would still love to do the elective after all if it would be possible now at such short notice. The lady there replied saying she is on holiday but will be in touch with me on Tuesday. PG I will still be able to do it.
So in a way it was fate that I went to see this nice lady, as otherwise I would never known that I had been successful. And I think the elective placement could be something that really suits me.
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