Is your child safe?

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 12:36 pm

Let me start by saying I live in a very safe neighborhood, at least 90% chassidish. I never worry about my small children playing in their fenced in, but unlocked back yard. My yard faces all my other neighbors yards which is normally full with playing children. So Shabbos afternoon, right after the seudah, I had no problem letting my 4 year old son play on the swings by himself. My older daughter decided to study for her upcoming test on our porch right near my son but you wouldn't have noticed her, as the wooden slats kind of block your view unless you're really checking. So my son is happily singing and I'm in the room right over the porch, my porch door is open and from time to time I glance outside to check on him. Suddenly my son says "_________, there's a chassidish man here". So she looks up and sees a bachur standing there just outside the fence staring and staring at my son. He is staring so intently he doesn't even realize that my son called out to his older sister who is right there. So she just watches for a few moments to see what happens and this person doesn't take his eyes off my son. After a few minutes of this she calls out to him "Excuse me, can I help you?" and he goes scurrying off. This was Shabbos afternoon when most of the families were still eating or just going for naps so very few children were outside. My feeling is that this "person" purposely chooses this time to go out as he knows very few parents are out there watching over their children at this time. So Monsey parents in particular, please tell your friends this story and watch over your kids very carefully.

mille

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 2:00 pm

If you think your neighborhood is very safe simply because it is 90% of the same ethnoreligious as you, you are naive and way too trusting.

I am not advocating being paranoid, but I think this kind of thinking is why communities try to sweep it under the rug when "one of their own" commits a crime against another in the community. They don't want to admit that bad people can exist in their community... But that is exactly why the behaviors continue. Watch your kids.

Ruchel

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 3:07 pm

amother wrote:

There is no safety anywhere. We should all watch our kids carefully all the time.
Just this week in France in a park we had a kidnapping which ended very badly... Sad

THought the same, amother.
Maybe we'll see fewer kids alone on yt or primary schoolers walking from/to school alone, until people forget :'( just like lo alenu the little Madeleine mc cann story, and people still leave in hotel rooms

FranticFrummie

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 6:12 pm

But, your child WAS safe. His big sister was right there, and she handled the situation perfectly. No one was harmed in any way. She should be congratulated for her good common sense and calm reaction.

The man was probably alarmed that he saw a 4yo outside "on his own" and was looking to make sure that the child was OK, not realizing that the sister was nearby. He left when he realized that the 4yo was not unattended. That doesn't make it creepy. Any concerned person would check on a child so small that seemed to be alone.

Sorry, but I don't understand the hysteria here. And mommy2b2c, you won't let a 6 and 8 year old go out on their own front porch? Really? What are you teaching them about the world? Do you live in a war zone or gang territory? If you don't feel safe letting them out the front door, you may need to consider moving to a better neighborhood.

mommy3b2c

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 6:24 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I actually live in a really safe neighborhood. Everyone on my block makes fun of me. I don't care. I keep my kids close by.

zaq

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 6:38 pm

Better safe than sorry. If the bocher had been concerned about a small kid apparently on his own, he wouldn't have been staring at him but looking around for the child's caregiver. or he would have knocked on the door and asked "are you aware that your little boy is in the yard with nobody watching him?" He also would not have "scurried" off but would have gone off at a normal pace, with or without saying something to the effect of "oh, good, you're watching him; I was worried the little boy was by himself unsupervised."

Something was definitely fishy, though not necessarily evil. The bocher may have been someone with autism or a similar disorder who was just fascinated by the movement of the child on the swing or attracted by his singing. OTOH the little boy may have had a narrow escape from something unpleasant. It does seem that the little boy has a good head on his shoulder and recognized that there was something "off" about a man standing in front of the yard and staring at him.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 6:48 pm

ROFL wrote:

Ff I think she was saying that the young man staring at her son was the possible perpetrator , her daughter being there was able to stop any negative consequences

But, how does anyone know he was a "possible perpetrator"? Are all men possible molesters, just because they are out walking on Shabbos?

He might just be concerned for the safety of such a small child who seemed to be all alone. Again, OP's daughter did just the right thing, and is an example of how I am raising my DD. No need for panic, just keep calm and keep your head on straight.

If you insist that the world is an unpredictable and hostile place, then that is how your kids will view it. Is it any wonder so many of us are taking anti anxiety medications? I'd rather teach my children how to take precautions and behave safely, than lock them indoors all day. I don't want to live in a world where every single male of the species = automatic stranger danger.

Interesting side fact. The major cause of suicide is low self esteem. Low self esteem comes from a lack of self confidence, and a lack of self confidence comes from a lack of experience and a lack of feelings of accomplishment. Over sheltered children are at extremely high risk for not being able to cope with the world when they grow up. We keep our kids safe by teaching them life skills, not from protecting them from life in general.

justcallmeima

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 6:49 pm

I strongly advocate supervising young children at all times. Having said that, I think it's really important to realize that the VAST majority of child abuse is perpetrated by people the child knows extremely well (a relative, a close family friend, a teacher, a coach, etc...) A random stranger looking through your fence is very unlikely to abuse your child. Again, I do not condone allowing young children to be left unsupervised in public, but we need to know where all the risks are.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 6:55 pm

Keep in mind, "staring" and "scurrying" are relative terms. As zaq said, that might be perfectly normal behavior for the man. He might not have been doing anything weird at all, or he may have social skills issues.

In cases like that, being carefully watchful is called for, but certainly not jumping to the most dire possible conclusions and freaking out. "Worst first thinking" will only make life miserable for everyone, and is not productive.

sourstix

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 7:13 pm

have nothing to add. I do have a child of age that isnt smart enough to know that you dont take candy from anyone. that being said I have said to him dont take candy from pp you dont know. he is so trusting. and candy is something veryhard to resist for him. but statistics say that molesters are the pp the child knows well. like someone mentioned. it freeks me out. when I think of it. I just dont have a choice but to send my child out in the world. and daven and hope and daven again and again. and keep a good communication with my child. and teach him survival skills. now most young children and I say most will take candy from most pp giving them. some know they need to ask first. I wish my child would. I guess I wasnt successful in that. but I would like to teach more stuff.

rainbow dash

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 7:30 pm

sourstix wrote:

My Dh dropped off my kid 5 metres from my house and was watching. When the kid dd 8 got to the door someone in the street offered her candy. My dd rang the bell and went inside breathing heavily.

When she got inside the apartment she told me what happened. I took her to the police station and made a report. There is a lot of cameras in my street but they said that nothing bad happened. If they had tried to take her then I would have something.

zaq

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 8:54 pm

There are no "safe" neighborhoods. There are only neighborhoods with higher or lower crime rates. No such thing as a zero-crime area, not even the White House or Buckingham Place, where an intruder once broke into the Queen's bedroom in the middle of the night. (The Queen, ever the picture of grace under fire, calmly chatted with the intruder even as she pressed her security-alarm button to summon aid.The intruder was ultimately removed and Her Majesty was unharmed.)

But living in a low-crime area is little consolation if you or one of your loved ones happen to be the victim of one of those rare crimes. For you, it has just become a high-crime area.