Anyone else notice this pattern?

miami85

Sat, Apr 18 2015, 10:20 pm

I used to see this in my sister's kids, that when they seemed to be acting up or out of control, it would mean they had to go to the bathroom. Now I see this in my own children, I mean they either scream/cry/tantrum/become violent and other intense behaviors, but if I can succeed in getting them to go to the bathroom or when it eventually comes out in the diaper they are back to their calm, happy selves--drives us mad!

Jewishmofm

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 8:24 am

Make it easier for them to do their business. Rule out (or treat) constipation. make sure they ate properly hydrated. Get them to be regular in the bathroom, emptying before it becomes uncomfortable.

miami85

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 10:31 am

I've tried fiber/laxative therapy with mixed results, fruit and whole grain in their diets, lots of liquids. For one of them its a sensory thing (and if he senses the laxative in the drink I give him, then he gags), for the other I think its the gas that makes him irritable (b/c it's not always hard). With my sister's kids, for them even the laxative therapy didn't cure the irritability. I mean there are days that I'm just waiting 1/2 the day for that BM to come and ready to do I-don't-know-what to the kid they are so maddening. Yesterday with the older one he was a mess from the time he woke up until after his Shabbos afternoon nap (I told him he had to nap and he did--still off schedule from y"t) and then he finally went and was a different child. The other one I had to give him a suppository--b/c he was hitting and biting and it finally came out and he relaxed.

seeker

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 10:48 am

We have set bathroom breaks in attempt to have them go before it becomes a crisis, I worked hard on training them in that this is just what we do so there would be no emotion, power struggle, etc (because they are extra prone to power struggles when they really need to go!) So every time we leave or come back from anywhere, before every mealtime, after waking up, before going to sleep, etc. You sit whether you need to or not, and if nothing comes that's fine (something almost always comes but this needs to be part of the creed otherwise you get "but I don't need to!" arguments)

This is for when they just forget/procrastinate but not any real issue. At one point we had a little constipation problem (from holding it in, not any other reason as far as I could tell) so we launched a full campaign to make pooping friendly again (including lollipops. If you know me, you now understand how seriously we took this! But also long favorite books reserved for potty time, song and dance routine, etc.) Of course we scaled back on that after it stopped being a problem, but this made her stop fighting it. She has never been constipated since, so I'm pretty sure it was just from holding it in and the habit had to end.

Lady Bug

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 10:58 am

Yes definitely. My son undergoes a complete personality change when he needs to go, and it's a catch-22 - they are so irritable because they need to go, that they are too anxious to go.

We also had a problem with holding in, which is definitely a control issue.

In general, gut health is tied to mental health, so it does make sense, but these children are so emotionally sensitive to any physical discomfort.

I like seekers idea of set bathroom times. I think I will implement that, since bathroom time is starting to turn into a power struggle again.

seeker

Sun, Apr 19 2015, 10:33 pm

My home at bedtime tonight:
Me: You need to make before bed.
Child (bawling, mid-meltdown): All I need is love!
LOL

Do you think a certain couple needs to be more discreet when discussing their parenting philosophies around the kids??