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How to motivate smart child



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amother
Babyblue


 

Post Tue, Apr 21 2015, 5:37 pm
DS age 7 is very intelligent, easily on the academic level the year above him (in fact, last year, he and another child went into the class above for some subjects). This year his teacher works in groups, and he is in the highest group, with harder work, obviously. He has complained about this in the past (eg, when doing poetry work, the lower group received the list of rhyming words to put in the right places, and he did not receive a vocabulary list, and had to come up with them on his own - he's perfectly capable), that it's not fair. I tried to explain to him that he is lucky, he has a gift from Hashem, he has the ability to learn and know more, etc. For the record, I had the same issue in school. His older brother is also top of the class (and youngest) but much more conscientious, and is happy to help the boy next to him when he is done.

So today his teacher called me. They are having government assessments, and she has to show that he has improved since his last assessment, and that she is teaching to the entire class's abilities. Last time they had an assessment he was in a bad mood and didn't do the harder paper, and she let it go. He did mention it to me then. Today she gave him the harder paper, and he said he didn't want to do it. Eventually he sat down and was writing, and she was pleased that he was doing it. He handed it in to her at the end without saying anything, and he did not mention it to us when he came home. When she went to mark it this evening, she saw that he has written for all the answers "I hate to write" over and over again. He actually doesn't, he has a beautiful handwriting, good spelling, good vocabulary, very intuitive, and is constantly writing at home in his own notebooks.

So now I have two issues. First of all, he needs to complete these assessments, and do well in them, and he is perfectly capable, but will have to think.

Second of all, he is very early in his school career, and will have this issue throughout. How do I motivate him to want to do well, and do the extra (not extra questions of the same, which I agree is useless and unfair, but harder questions, for example).

Any advice?
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animeme




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 21 2015, 6:35 pm
I believe that kids should not have to do the higher work if they don't want to. Ds does not need to show he has improved for himself- the teacher wants him to for her assessment. But part of teaching a child is motivating him, and if she is having trouble with that, it's the same as if she's having trouble teaching him a concept.

Let him do the easier work. He will relax more and begin to enjoy it. He will likely eventually "rebel" a bit and use some of his own words instead of the teacher - provided ones. That's what you want, right? But he'll make the jump on his own schedule. Meanwhile, you can figure out what exactly is frustrating him. Maybe poetry, or whatever, is doable for him on a high level but very hard. Maybe he hates the kids in the group. Maybe his group never laughs or gets to do games. Maybe they get less teacher attention.

I understand pushing a child a bit to fulfill his potential. But this child is clearly saying that this is not the way for him. So you and the teacher need to worry about the whole child, not the teacher/school assessment.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 21 2015, 10:20 pm
He is saying his big brain is his own. To be used for his own purposes. He is not anybody's big strong donkey or mule. The big strong boy is indeed always the one sent to get the coal for the stove. Not his weaker brother. Sometimes that's ok and reasonable, and sometimes it is resented.

I would absolutely let this whole thing alone.

Don't tell him about Hashem giving him a big brain, and he should be grateful and all. I wouldn't say anything at all, and let him self-direct.

If he can do work two grades above, let him not do that, if he doesn't feel like it. It's not like, everything you can do, you have to do.

At that rate, of COURSE he will say, fine, I will just do nothing. What's the use of revealing my powers, if other people just use them? Well, that's the way it looks to him.

Simply stop doing anything.

Shrug.

Say to the teacher, oh well. Whatever.

Say nothing to the kid.

Say nothing to anybody.

The kid must understand he is his own man.

That is factually so. He is his own man.

Do not look to him as production.

You have a very remarkable son there. Let him alone and he will give you much pleasure.

Of course, all the moral rules apply to him: he gets no pass because he is smart. That's the other side of the same coin. He doesn't have to produce more intellectually, but he also doesn't get to produce less morally. He is like everybody else in those respects. His differentness is his own private business.

Read some books about gifted children. It's a whole thing, and challenge unto itself. But each one is different. Apply no formulas.

In fact, supply lots of books and stuff to work with, and food, and generic mother love, and don't interfere at all. Defend him silently and stolidly when other people try to.

They will.

He will be a circus act all his life. A kind of freak. Very smart people have to deal with that. It's like being very beautiful or very tall or very rich. You're different. Sure it's a good kind of different, but it's different.

Defend him, defend him, from people's curiosity and their well meaning plans to leverage him as a resource. He's nobody's resource, he owns himself.

Around you, he is just him, your kid. WHATEVER he did this week, or didn't do. You be the non-judgmental safe place. This one doesn't need to be taught things. He will teach himself. This one needs to be safe and of course guided morally.

So it's confusing: some things any kid needs to be taught, he does too. And others, no, he doesn't need.

But this kid is signaling strong unhappiness. Careful.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 22 2015, 6:01 am
Quote:
He will be a circus act all his life. A kind of freak. Very smart people have to deal with that. It's like being very beautiful or very tall or very rich. You're different. Sure it's a good kind of different, but it's different.

Defend him, defend him, from people's curiosity and their well meaning plans to leverage him as a resource.


LOL, this sounds like X men movie or something.
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chani8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 22 2015, 7:47 am
We're a whole family of smarties with minimal motivation and ime, it's not worth trying to push someone. You can't change him. All you'll do is make him feel bad about himself. Instead, let him enjoy his life, explore what interests him outside of school. In the big picture it won't even matter how he did in elementary school.
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rowo




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 22 2015, 8:29 am
I agree, if he doesn't way the extension work don't push it.
I understood it that its there for kids who want it and need it. The kids who are bored with what's going on and need the extra stimulation.
You want them to be happy in school and enjoy learning. But it sounds like your son is starting to resent it.
I think you need to look at the social perspective as will. It's a a really important part of school life.
I think it's something that you should keep assessing and reevaluating.
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cookiecutter




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 22 2015, 8:39 am
Why aren't you listening to him? He said he hates to write. Who are you to disagree?
IMO the school model is terrible for situations like this because he has the worst of both worlds. Not only is he stuck in a carrot-stick framework he has to produce more to get the same carrot as the kid next to him. I don't know if it's possible but maybe you can focus more on challenging himself as opposed to fulfilling what the teacher needs to pass her evaluations. Even if that means writing comic books instead of filling in the next level workbook.
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