Bedtime/ or any time they just don't listen/behave

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 3:03 pm

am I destroying my dear, sweet, sensitive, demanding, kids by saying "if you continue to yell and not go to sleep nicely I will just leave, bec you don't need me to put you to sleep anyways!"
I feel so bad I said it (not just once)
after I say it, I always say, I'm not really gonna leave, I will just stand outside on the porch for a few minutes until you are ready to behave.

but I am still feeling terriblly guilty that I am traumatizing them!

am I the only one who threatens like that?

Dolly Welsh

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 3:13 pm

Not a lot of fun.

You know the list of things that keep people up:

glowing screens, of any kind, later than an hour before bedtime.
food later than an hour or even two, before bedtime.
a sense the parents are going to have a magical intimate evening when the kids are asleep, that the kids are missing something very special and grown-up, the A party, by going to sleep.
a bedroom and a house that are too warm (let them freeze a little. a need to snuggle in blankets gets them into bed)
too much bright light in the bathroom for tooth-brushing will wake them totally up. Have two lights, low and high.

and your expectations.

As this is how it has been, you may be creating it, by imagining it, because it is so easy to fear.

Lower a lot of lights, open windows, get them off any LED screens, and expect hard that they will go into their beds. Don't talk much. It's too stimulating. Words are magic, and high-task, for them. Instead, point. Just point to the bed.
Ease up on the tight hugs; that wakes them up. Loose hugs. Kisses on cheek.

Then there is "quiet down and I will read you a story" with a smile but only low energy.

Start the story sweetly then let your voice get drone-y and dull. Try not to fall asleep yourself.

It's not quite safe to leave them alone like that.

If none of this works, relax.

Nobody died and your kids will grow up fine kids. They already are, by your report, sweet natured. You must be doing a lot right so don't worry. You don't have to be perfect.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 3:18 pm

I hate to admit that as soon as I read your post my first thought was, "I wonder if that will work!"

I get INCREDIBLY frustrated with bedtime shenanigans and I sometimes even resort to potching even though by day I am totally into attachment parenting and love sandwiches and everything Perl Abromowitz teaches.

At night I often snap. And then I feel terrible...

I'd love to hear suggestions for dealing with defiance at bedtime with a pre-schooler.

chani8

Wed, Apr 22 2015, 4:19 pm

Get control of the situation. You're the boss. Take each child by the hand to their beds and tell them they can sit there, play there, whatever, just not get off their beds. Then settle everyone into bed and sit there like a policeman until they fall asleep. The threat is, I will leave, meaning, I wont sit near you in your bedroom if you don't lay down and be quiet. Certainly never threaten to leave. You'll want to save that one for when they're teens.

amother

Sienna

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 2:46 pm

What should I do when 3 year old daughter insists on sitting next to me when I try to nurse baby to sleep, but makes whining noises to purposely keep baby awake.

She does it EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

Nobody else is around to take her out of room.

I've tried bribing her to quietly play in another room by letting her use my phone but she still comes in after a few minutes and wakes baby up.

I tried locking the door but then she bangs and yells which keeps baby up too.

Help!!!

Lady Bug

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 5:31 pm

chani8 wrote: