Why am I so materialistic?

amother

Blush

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:09 am

amother wrote:

my point is that rich ppl say how money doesn't mean anything and how u would rather be dirt poor then have all the problems you have. Ppl have the same issues that you do and they don't have that money. Your issues are fixable. I'm sure you can get a zillion suggestions about what to do about your relationship with your husband. You have a special child? I have 2. Join a forum about raising special children. You're depressed? So am I. And it's a struggle to pay for the proper help I need, but I work on it. If only you could switch lives with me and see what saying. I just get aggravated when I hear comments like yours.

We were actually quite poor when we got married (hello walking miles a day to save a few dollars in transportation! among others things) and I promise you, money just helps but does not fix life's real problems. It won't fix my marital problems and it won't cure my son's autism. True happiness is simply independent of wealth, end of story.

And wealth most certainly doesn't fix a bitter attitude.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:28 pm

Back to the original question of "Why?"

Materialism is a learned behavior. It's based in childhood experiences. If you grew up poor, emotionally starved, insecure, or with very competitive and wealthy parents, all of these things can shape the way you view material things. Advertising and television have a lot to do with it, as well.

As adults, we have to actively work to undo that programming. Telling ourselves to just quit it is not enough. We have to work on emunah, bitachon, and mussar. We have to learn how to "reparent our inner child" and nurture our own hearts. We have to develop the self control to say "not now", and to value what we already have.

Modeling this for your children is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. Just yesterday DD spilled some water down the front of her shirt. She laughed and said "Baruch Hashem, I have clean water to drink, and a pretty shirt to get wet!" before she went to change her clothes. Pretty wise for an 11yo. (Of course other days, she begs me for an iPhone, but hey, she's only human. LOL

)

I am slowly recovering from moderate hoarding issues, and DD is watching me get rid of things, and sharing in my process. We talk about what is silly to keep, why did I think I needed that, what to donate, and what to throw away. Knowing that I don't want her to continue my pattern helps keep me on track.

I find that having a Pinterest account is a huge help. If I see something I want, I can pin the picture, and it "feels" like I own it, sort of. I can go back and look at the pictures any time I want, so it's my space for "online hoarding". It takes up a heck of a lot less room than all the stuff piled in my garage! Wink

amother

Beige

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:38 pm

amother wrote:

I'm actually more ok with my life then you are. What I'm "bitter" about is having ppl like you complain about their lives and how money means nothing. I think you are bitter. I have amazing shalom bayis and fantastic children. Money is an issue but somehow someway we make it through the month. Guess what, money will help MY autistic child. It won't cure him but it will help. I would be able to hire more and better therapists. And money can fix your shalom bayis issues. Some ppl can't afford therapists. It sounds like you gave up on your life. You can fix all of these things.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 1:11 pm

sabich wrote:

Money can fix situations, buy special holidays and items of luxury, repair broken equipment and help with treatable serious illness, it can pay for education and for therapy BUT money cannot fix people, it cannot fix emotions, it cannot heal the soul.

Money can buy a therapist that's not in your insurance network.

Frumdoc

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 5:14 pm

I guess money can give you access to some ways of making some problems better, but brings with it more problems too.

And all the therapy in the world won't necessarily turn a bad marriage into a good one, cure the incurable disease or change a personality or character trait.

You can certainly be more comfortable in your unhappiness, but wealth itself can bring out negative behaviors in people who were perfectly content in their not wealthy lives.

There is probably a threshold which differs for each individual where enough is good as a feast, but when you are in the midst of your enough it is hard to see that line.

What is the yiddish curse:. May you have a thousand houses, each with a thousand rooms, and may you roll each night from room to room, from house to house, with pain and insomnia.

MamaBear

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 5:30 pm

amother wrote:

No one said money means nothing. Don't put words in mouths. It doesn't buy happiness and if it can't cure your kid's autism, then it can't fix her kid's autism. Don't contradict yourself.

OP, it's ok to like the good things in life - really! Sometimes little luxuries go a long way to make yourself feel fulfilled in that area. Just painting my nails or buying myself a frivolous magazine are examples of things I do for myself. Going to a discount place and finding some home goods can freshen up your space even if it doesn't make it any larger.

And living simply is actually a beautiful, admirable thing. Look at the whole backlash against McMansions. Read all the threads making fun of overpriced clothing and designer handbags.

amother

Beige

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 7:10 pm

MamaBear wrote:

I explicitly wrote that it won't cure MY kids autism. But with money I would be able to afford the best therapists.

MamaBear

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 7:23 pm

You wrote to the poster "You can fix all these things." Expensive therapists do not mean that you will not struggle with your special needs child for the rest of their life. That is a huge heartache for any parent, wealthy or poor.

See OP - it could be worse. You could be caught up in some stupid argument Wink