Father giving child self confidence

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:01 pm

I heard that a child's self confidence develops for the most part during the ages 3-8.

I also heard that the father is the one that gives a child a huge portion of his self confidence.

That being said, what suggestions do you have for a father to do to boost up a kid?
Besides saying I'm proud of you etc...

L25

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:12 pm

am I missing something?. yes father is important but not sure that he gives self confidence different than a mother. show your kid that you believe they can do stuff and let them do stuff for themselves even if they think its hard.

amother

Mistyrose

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:25 pm

L25 wrote:

From what I heard, the father gives the bulk of it and the mother gives the bulk of emotional feeling to the child.

I'm asking for suggestions.

Thanks

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 12:51 pm

I've heard that girls get a lot of self confidence from their fathers. It's very important for fathers to tell their daughters that they look nice, they are smart, pretty, etc because if they don't get that male validation they will seek it elsewhere.

Chayalle

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 1:57 pm

I have heard that children get self-confidence from unconditional love. Let your kids know that you believe in them, that you are proud of them, that you love them. Minimize criticism as much as possible, using positive reinforcement instead. Consequences should be appropriate and not overdone. Let your children thrive in an open-communication, loving atmosphere where expectations are realistic.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 2:04 pm

Talking nicely to the child.

Children should not play with knives and they should not hear sharp words either.

A father who waits with no visible signs of impatience while a child takes forever to tie his shoes is a good father giving confidence for life. A father who picks the kid up is a good father.

A father who takes a child's hand firmly but kindly instills confidence. The child will internalize that magisterial strong hand, and its qualities will enter the child. The child, too, will take matters in hand, with a strong hand, in his future life.

That hand didn't take "no" for an answer, and the child will know people can't defy him, either. That hand is inside him.

It is a big, meaty, hand, strong as iron, and there is no escaping it. No, you are NOT going to run into traffic as we cross the intersection.

It's in the grave now but it's not forgotten yet. Its strength gives confidence even now.

Many a father is too impatient to walk slowly enough and the kid is skipping along one step behind trying not to be left behind. It is better to slow down for the kid so the two of them are walking level.

Direct praise is not the be-all and end-all.

I like Chaim Ginott's books.

MagentaYenta

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 2:21 pm

I'm trying to understand the why of the posit. Why is it a father that gives a child self confidence? Why is the self confidence based on the gender of the parent? What about extended family and friends?

I think positive reinforcement goes long way to teaching children self confidence. So do problem solving skills. If a child can't solve a problem or complete a task, do they have the skills to solve the problem? Can they think though the aspects and evaluate what they have done and correct the process to achieve the desired outcome? Do they feel comfortable in consulting someone with more knowledge to work through the problem solving? How do others react to the child's need to collaborate when solving a problem? None of these actions are limited to a specific gender.

Lydia

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:21 pm

Magenta, I like what you are saying about problem solving.

Other posters mentioned unconditional love and praise. Self confidence comes from understanding that one has been successful and knowing that one has the resources to achieve success again. Love and praise play a role, but teaching skills, patiently allowing the child to find success, and acknowledging the success are essential.

I really don't understand what gender of the parent has to do with it. Where did you hear that, OP?

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:34 pm

Confidence comes from both parents.

To address OP's question, having a father who is himself confident, and having the kid be with the father a lot while the father is engaging and using his confidence, will transmit that to the kid.

Just striding fearlessly down the street is lesson in confidence for the accompanying kid.

Perhaps what you don't want is the father to come home exhausted, and never be out in the world with the kid, just being himself, and going for a walk. With the kid.

Being important to a confident person will make the kid confident, OP. Don't worry.