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Being asked to take your shoes off
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amother
Blush


 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 3:51 pm
yes, domino, I've heard of that too.

In my 45 years, I have never been asked to remove my shoes, and I never knew that people actually ask guests to remove their shoes. I take off my shoes when I come into the house and put on slippers, but not because of cleanliness, just because its more comfortable. I would never walk around barefoot, because I don't have carpet and am not in the mood of stepping on stray little lego pieces or whatnot, ouch!
A worker (at&t I think) once came to my home and at the door pulled out a pair of these disposable booties and put them on his shoes. I was amused.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 5:24 pm
In canada taking off your shoes is very important to everyone. So much so that when workers come to the house they take off their shoes. My cleaning lady brings a pair of indoor shoes with her. When I go to a shiur at someone's house the entryway has dozens of pairs of shoes/boots cluttered about from all the women who came.

The only time its ok to not take off your shoes is if the ground is perfectly dry outside and your shoes are clean and dry AND you ask the host should I take off my shoes and they say you dont have to.
If your shoes are wet you dont even ask you just take off automatically.

When we moved the movers couldn't take off their shoes, it would be completely impractical, so they brought rolls of thick waterproof material to cover the floor with and they tried to only walk on it.
Workers with steel toed boots wear overshoes that they remove when they come inside.

Everyone takes off their shoes, lawyers, accountants, business acquaintances, guests, workers. Doesn't matter how important you are, you walk around in your socks when you come to a private home.

Thats just the way it is.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 5:40 pm
So you see it's not just us crazy Russians. It's all of Canada!

What do you say now, Barbara? Wink
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 5:45 pm
sequoia wrote:
So you see it's not just us crazy Russians. It's all of Canada!

What do you say now, Barbara? Wink


Always blame Canada. Very Happy
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Maya




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 6:52 pm
The issue I have with being asked to remove my shoes is that here I got all glammed up with beautiful heels matching and flattering my outfit, and you are totally ruining the look for me Smile

Being on the chubby side, I depend on my heels to make me look slimmer, and removing them often transforms my look from sophisticated to dumpy.
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Peanut2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:06 pm
I grew up in a home where guests take off their shoes when they come in or are asked to. I once invited friends to my parents, as an adult, while visiting, and my dad had them all take their shoes off, including someone who had clearly worked on their outfit... Oh well.

If we are on our way out, with shoes on, and forgot something upstairs we are supposed to take shoes off or my dad gets annoyed/angry.

I also have a no shoe policy mostly, and most people realize on their own so I don't have to ask. It's very common where I live in tha states and many homes I visit have a similar policy. You can generally tell by the shoes near the door...
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:23 pm
I just checked my shoe tray by the door, 8 pairs, I live alone LOL
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:43 pm
Raisin wrote:
Maybe your sil is not on here, but I am sure some of her neighbours are. Assuming here your brother and sil are members of a frum community.

you can edit amother posts.


well she lives in a very non jewish area so no one really knows them. but I see that you can edit... didn't know about that bit that must be something new.
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 8:58 pm
The first thing I usually do when I come home is switch my shoes for slippers and my sheitel for a pre-tied bandana, but that's more for comfort than for hygiene. In rainy/snowy weather I leave my slippers by the front door so I don't get the floor wet and dirty on the way to my room.

I have a mat outside my door and one immediately when you walk into my house, so shoes get wiped by default even if people don't wipe their shoes intentionally. I would prefer if people remove snow/rain boots, but I don't insist. I only have a couple of rugs rather than carpet though, and most people avoid walking on a rug if their shoes are dirty. It's so much easier to mop a floor than it is to clean a carpet.

I do ask children to remove their shoes because they're more likely to put their feet on couches or elsewhere other than the floor. DD hates wearing shoes and takes hers off as soon as she walks through the door. She happily offers to lend her friends socks or slippers if they'd like.

I bring slippers with me only if I'm going somewhere overnight. If we're invited for a shabbos meal in bad weather I'll bring shoes to change into after removing my boots.

I only have one relative who insists that everyone remove their shoes. It fits in with the rest of her personality, so we all just shrug and comply. There may or may not be some eye rolling as well. But we're used to her by now and she doesn't even have to ask anymore.
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Thu, Apr 23 2015, 10:24 pm
I know exactly one person who makes people remove their shoes, and figured this is just another one of her many, many annoying quirks. If so many people do this, how come I don't know anyone else who does?
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 1:42 am
Maya wrote:
The issue I have with being asked to remove my shoes is that here I got all glammed up with beautiful heels matching and flattering my outfit, and you are totally ruining the look for me Smile

Being on the chubby side, I depend on my heels to make me look slimmer, and removing them often transforms my look from sophisticated to dumpy.


This is another thing that goes hand in hand with this mentality. living in a cold climate meant shoes have a function before they have style. So we had one pair for winter, one for spring/fall, one for summer, and something for occasions. All except for the latter didn't have to match because you took them off anyway.
So when I host something that qualifies as an occasion, guests keep their shoes on, but when it is a playdate or just a visit, they take them off.
( I don't force anyone. I am appaled that someone says they don't want sweaty feet on their carpets. In effect, she tells her guests her carpets are more important than guests! if that is the case, why not lock up the whole house and turn it into a museum??)
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Peanut2




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 4:17 am
It's clearly a cultural thing. And cultures can vary even in the same location. This only works when the carpets/floors are really very clean all or most of the time. People who come into my home generally just take their shoes off immediately. It's so common. It sounds like this isn't so common in some/many frum circles. But I'd like to think of you came to my home it would make sense and wouldn't be a big deal.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 4:30 am
Would rather already wear the medical shoe stuff. But I would feel very weird, and probably afraid of making gaffes, dirtying anything, if my kids are noisy, what rule am I breaking... basically museum type.

Of course if your shoes are disgusting, you remove them or clean them etc.

Normal people wipe on the mat, for sure. Now, some people don't have it anymore, then...

And yes, walking in socks has a certain connotation as Caroline says. Lo alenou. My father insists it's shoes or slippers.

I don't know if I have any pair of sandals, mules, sneakers, crocs... that I never wore outside. So I couldn't use them as slippers for those who want slippers. Also I don't wash my hands after touching my shoes (not the sole!).

Wow, makes me reconsider Canada :p
No. But for real I don't necessarily want to show my socks, or my painted or badly painted toenails... and on shabbes real bummer as I'm not wearing someone's slippers, nor am I mechalel shabbes, and barefoot at the shabbes tish I dunno, not comfy to be seen that way...
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Dandelion1




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 5:29 am
I think it's also a matter of how flexible/compulsive the people with the no shoes rule are. I have a friend who does prefer this. If it's a cozy shabbos afternoon and the kids are playing downstairs and two women are casually sitting on the couch schmoozing it's fine. You tuck your feet under you and it's fine.

But if you are inviting two or three couples for lunch and force everybody to strip their feet and pad around the house barefoot like children, imo it's totally unreasonable and inappropriate. I've seen this only once. Everyone looked ridiculous and embarrassed and the whole scene was just absurd.
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saw50st8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 5:48 am
I'm surprised at the passion on this thread!
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 7:41 am
aleph wrote:
I think it's also a matter of how flexible/compulsive the people with the no shoes rule are. I have a friend who does prefer this. If it's a cozy shabbos afternoon and the kids are playing downstairs and two women are casually sitting on the couch schmoozing it's fine. You tuck your feet under you and it's fine.

But if you are inviting two or three couples for lunch and force everybody to strip their feet and pad around the house barefoot like children, imo it's totally unreasonable and inappropriate. I've seen this only once. Everyone looked ridiculous and embarrassed and the whole scene was just absurd.


I was once at an EVENT held in someone's house, and the hostess expected people to take off their shoes... I think she gave up after the first ten people.
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imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 8:00 am
saw50st8 wrote:
I'm surprised at the passion on this thread!


Don't you understand??? it's up there with tuitions!!! Exclamation
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nylon




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 10:31 am
We have shelves by our front door. There is one shelf where we leave outdoor shoes, and another shelf with slippers. 90% of people ask me if they should remove their shoes when they see this, and I say yes. Plumbers, electricians, and other repair people bring disposable shoe covers and that is fine.

I only ask people to remove shoes if they are going upstairs, which has light colored carpet, or if there is some obvious reason (snow, mud etc) but really prefer people to take them off.

Also: I have English in laws and they would never go barefoot at home (they were somewhat shocked when I did, before I got into the slipper habit) but they do have and wear slippers--they are just not super careful about changing them the minute they come in like we are.
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 10:46 am
I guess that's one reason why wood floors in living rooms are popular around here.

I've only once been asked to remove shoes - and that was when I was a kid - a loooong time ago. Not even my clean freak friends ask this. But to each their own.
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studying_torah




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Apr 24 2015, 11:09 am
I think a large part of the issue for op was that she wasn't even allowed to wear her own slippers, nor offered a fresh pair.
And then the SIL criticized her cleaning abilities, which seems way out of line.
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