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-> Parenting our children
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amother
Aqua
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 Mon, Apr 27 2015, 9:55 am
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I need some effective tools for dealing with sibling fights. I say no, separate, take things away or give time out, but I'm not finding it to be so effective. It's like, they don't mind paying a small price to be able to smack each other around. They are just 4 and almost 2. And the little one can be surprisingly vicious; the 4 year old does show some restraint sometimes.
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Lady Bug
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Mon, Apr 27 2015, 11:07 am
You need to examine the atmosphere in your house. Is it competitive? It can be convenient to tell 4 year old that 2 year old wants chicken, so 4 year old wants it too, but it contributes to sibling rivalry.
Also, have set rules and let them know what they are. The first person to take a toy gets to play with it for some time before sharing. If you want a toy, you need to ask permission, you can't just grab. If you are upset you talk, etc.... And now go repeat like a broken tape recorder.
Also, what helps is to have one special toy, or a box, that belongs to each child and that they don't need to share. This gives them security that they own something and then they are more willing to share the rest of it nicely.
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sourstix
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Mon, Apr 27 2015, 12:27 pm
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abraham twersky writes in one of his books. sibliings without rivalry is very unhealthy. but along with that you also have to remember that children at this age are impulsive, and competitive. I say ignore it unless theres physically danger or bullying. otherwise let them figure it out.
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imasinger
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Mon, Apr 27 2015, 12:53 pm
LOL, sourstix, and here I was going to recommend reading Adele Farber's book, which is called "Siblings Without Rivalry."
Which says pretty much what your advice was, but explains exactly how to get it to work. . 
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