Sister marrying out

Barbara

Thu, Apr 30 2015, 11:37 pm

balabusta wrote:

Sequoia, Yes, if/when there are grandchildren I'll be a loving grandma, but nebech...it's painful. I will even try to be mekarev the wife as it's my only hope to have Jewish grandchildren.

You don't consider their marriage to be legitimate, didn't bother to go to the wedding, and haven't even gone to meet the spouse of your only child. But you expect that when she becomes pregnant, they will forgive you and allow you to see their children?

ETA, in another post, you said "one of your children" intermarried. If you have more than one child, and only one intermarried, why is this your "only chance" of Jewish grandchildren?

vintagebknyc

Fri, May 01 2015, 8:57 am

glutenless wrote:

Most people I know do not consider the word g*y to be disrespectful. It is just a Yiddish word for non-Jew. Until I came on Imamother I had no clue anyone had any problem with the word.

well, where to begin. you've been here a year and a half, and you know we find it offensive yet you use it anyway. clearly, using it in this group is offensive

how many times do we need to tell you that a large group of women find it offensive before you realize that, hey, some people outside the group might find it offensive?

Notsobusy

Fri, May 01 2015, 9:40 am

vintagebknyc wrote:

I was just trying to explain to you that she wasn't necessarily disrespecting her dil by using that word. Because if she doesn't consider it offensive, and she doesn't know that anyone else does, then she obviously wasn't trying to be disrespectful.

vintagebknyc

Fri, May 01 2015, 9:49 am

glutenless wrote:

then I ask you this: if she knows some people find it offensive, might she think her DIL would as well?

it's a disgusting word.

DrMom

Sun, May 03 2015, 3:02 am

CPenzias wrote:

Even my non jewish colleagues know about shabbos. They know they I can't use the phone etc. If you want to know, you make it your business to know. The op said she speaks to her sister a few times a week. I'm sure shabbos came up.
My bil also married out and we were sad but you know what? He got married on a Sunday and the wedding was 100% kosher. And his non jewish inlaws paid for it. There's a classy and considerate way to go about this and getting married on a shabbos certainly isn't it.

As someone who comes from a non-observant family, and who has many non-observant Jewish coworkers (and this is in Israel where Shabbat observance has some public significance as well), I can tell you that most people have *no clue* what Shabbat observance really entails. A coworker of mine was surprised that there are "still people" who don't drive on Shabbat. ("I didn't think anyone did that anymore.") I was having lunch with an observant coworker in the presence of a very secular colleague and mentioned that we had guests but I had forgotten to turn the light on in the guest bathroom, and she piped in with "So just turn it on! I'm sure G-d doesn't want you to pee in the dark. He'll understand."

As PinkFridge said, even when they are aware of a restriction, they assume all sorts of loopholes exist.

Also, I would not assume the OP told her sister all the details of Shabbat observance. It can be an alienating topic of conversation for someone who is not observant.

I speak every week with my family, but don't talk about Shabbat observance except in passing. It's not something we can chat about because they can't relate to it. It will only make them uncomfortable because they know I know they don't observe, and they may feel I am being judgmental by bringing it up. I just avoid such topics and stick to topics that are of mutual interest.

That being said, the OP should make her sister aware of the restrictions this places on her ASAP.