Wouldyou tell dd's friends' parents?

amother

Ecru

Mon, May 04 2015, 9:58 am

Yesterday dd- who is 14 went with 4 friends to pizza and then walked around in that same area to do a little shopping. Candy store, rite aid etc. DD came home very upset as 2 of the friends were acting foolishly. They went into the liquor store and asked if they sold rootbeer as a joke and when they were in CVS they went up to strangers and asked if they had seen "ben". Aside from this potentially being a big chillul Hashem at a certain pointy silliness can cross the line to something else. Do I break dd's trust in me to tell these mothers or speak to the girls directly or am I being an overly cautious mother and this was harmless and let it go? I know one of these families already has a lot of issues with other children and I don't really want to put more on this mother's plate, but I do know that if it were my dd I would want to know.

SRS

Mon, May 04 2015, 10:08 am

Are you going to be allowing her to have free time of this sort with these friends? I agree with you that general silliness can end up crossing a line and I tend to be very careful about whom my children can go to a store with, having a higher threshold for that than another activity like playing basketball at a nearby hoop.

What do you think the reaction of the other parents will be if they hear about this silly behavior, which as ridiculous as it is, isn't criminal behavior.

Iymnok

Mon, May 04 2015, 10:09 am

I don't know what I'd tell them- or not, but you are a great mother! Your DD behaved well, was uncomfortable with her friends behavior and came to you with it. You are doing something very right.

amother

Ecru

Mon, May 04 2015, 10:28 am

B"H dd and I have a very good relationship and she is very comfortable sharing with me. Therefore I don't want to lose her trust. She was actually cool when I said, maybe you should not be going out with these young ladies again, but they are more than welcome to come hang out here. She was relieved actually when I said that cuz now she can blame me for her saying no to them the next tiem they go out for pizza.

I am not close with these parents so I don't know how they would react....

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, May 04 2015, 10:49 am

your daughter sounds strong enough to resist actually doing anything really wrong herself. she is obviously already uncomfortable w these girls. and you are so lucky that she trusts you. id suggest not jeapordizing your trust w your dd. dont say anything to those parents. after all, some kids needs to experiment w silly behaviors and hopefully it won't lead to worse. be a strong mama for your daughter so she can rely on you.

SRS

Mon, May 04 2015, 11:23 am

Perhaps just allowing the kids to come to your home to hang out will give you an opportunity to gently educate them about how to act should you allow everyone to go out for pizza and shopping, which is probably cleaner than involving parents you don't really know and who might not share your same expectations. Personally I think we dump everything onto the lap of parents when we can be effective "villagers" by just outlining expectations to our own kids and their friends that plan to hang with. When another parent says these are my expectations, that doesn't mean that their parents need to share the same expectations, just that these expectations are our expectations and the unwritten contract is that so long as the group abides by them, the group can hang out.

amother

Ecru

Mon, May 04 2015, 2:00 pm

Thanks for the great advice- I personally did not want to call these parents, but wanted to do the right thing because if the situation were reversed I would want to know, but then again I know I am waaaaay overprotective. The fact that I let her walk 1 block down to go for pizza on her own was a big deal for me.