You think your kids won't talk to strangers think twice

FranticFrummie

Tue, May 05 2015, 11:36 am

abound wrote:

My kids are taught that they can talk to "people they don't know" (which is what I prefer to strangers) but they cannot go anywhere with anyone unless one of their parents know. Even someone we know well. (neighbor, relative, teacher etc.) If they have my permission they can go with the person, but only if they ask me first.

YES. This is exactly how I raised my daughter.

I did an interesting experiment with her. I get the neighborhood warnings when a zex offender is released into my area. It shows a picture, their offense, and a basic description of height, weight, tattoos, etc.

There was a very handsome man with blonde hair and blue eyes (just like DD), in a well pressed dress shirt. DD came over to look at the picture and said "He looks nice." Said "Do you know why his picture is here? Because he hurt a little kid, and this is a warning that if you see him, do not go anywhere with him." She was shocked that someone so good looking could be a "bad guy". (DD was around 7 at the time, she's much more savvy now.)

It was a very good way to open a lesson on how you can't judge people by the way they look. The white collar caucasian, or a guy with a beard and a kippa even, could want to do bad things, and the guy who looks like a gang member might be the one who calls the police and saves you.

Bottom line, we don't judge people by their looks, we judge them by their actions.

Teaching kids how to decode actions that might (or might not) be shady is an ongoing dialog that needs to start when your child is around 2, and should never stop. It segues into conversations about red flags during shidduchim, how to know if you're being abused, and many other life skills.

/sorry, rambling. My coffee just kicked in. Very Happy

MagentaYenta

Tue, May 05 2015, 12:58 pm

I found this article on Al.com. It contains some stats on child abductions. I'll copy and paste it in it's entirety. http://www.al.com/news/index.s.....river

In the wake of reports of luring incidents like the one in Huntsville's Blossomwood neighborhood, and reports of a possible attempted child abduction near Hazel Green (as well as recent luring incidents in Tuscaloosa and Orange Beach) parents may be left wondering what they can do to educate their children on how to stay safe – and yet not scare them unnecessarily.

It's important to note, first, that the classic "stranger abduction" is relatively rare. According to a widely-quoted study published by the U.S. Department of Justice in 2002, during a one-year period studied:
- 797,500 children under age 18 were reported missing
- 203,900 of those were the victims of family abductions
- 58,200 of those were the victims of nonfamily abductions
- 115 children were the victims of "stereotypical kidnapping," where the child was abducted by someone the child did not know who held the child overnight, transported the child 50 miles or more, killed the child, demanded ransom or intended to keep the child permanently.

"Parents do need to be vigilant in knowing where their children are at all times," said Deborah Callins, prevention director at the National Children's Advocacy Center in Huntsville, "but the number of strangers who abduct children is very low."

Danger to children is often much greater from someone they or their parents know, according to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

But parents can still educate kids in age-appropriate ways about how to stay safe when they're outside without a grownup around.

How do you know if your child is old enough to talk about strangers? If a child is old enough to play in the front yard alone, said Callins, then the discussion needs to take place, even if on just a basic level.

Her two biggest recommendations:

1. Role-play possible situations.

"Role-playing is a very good tactic for parents to help their child understand how to react in certain situations," said Callins.

You don't have to create scary scenarios for your child, she said. But you can talk about what they should do and what they should say if a stranger came up asking for help finding a lost pet or offering candy.

According to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, these are the five most common tricks used by individuals attempting to abduct children:

Teach them to listen to that inside voice, that 'uh-oh feeling' in their stomach.
- Offering the child a ride
- Offering the child candy or sweets
- Asking the child questions
- Offering the child money
- Using an animal

Those would likely be the most useful role-playing scenarios.

A few things to discuss with kids:

- Don't walk right up next to somebody's car if they're asking for, say, directions. If they say they don't understand and need you to show them, tell them to ask an adult.
- Don't go into the house of somebody you don't know, even if they say they just need help with something.
- Stay at least an arm's length away from a stranger so they couldn't easily grab you if they tried.
- Talk with your parents/guardians about who trusted adults are, and know the importance of telling them when something makes you scared or uneasy.
- If someone tries to grab your arm or make you go somewhere, you should yell loudly, walk, run, scream, kick or do anything else to attract attention.
- If you feel like you are being followed, immediately go in the opposite direction from the one the stranger is traveling, and quickly try to find a trusted adult.
- Don't be afraid to be rude when a stranger is trying to talk to you without a trusted adult around.
"We're from the South, and we like to be friendly," said Callins. Kids are taught to be polite. But safety is more important than politeness, and that needs to be stressed.

If a child is without a trusted adult, he doesn't have to talk to a stranger just because the stranger wants to talk to him. He should know that if anyone bothers him or makes him feel scared or confused, he should trust his feelings and get away from that person. It's OK to say no.

"Teach them to listen to that inside voice, that 'uh-oh feeling' in their stomach," said Callins.

The easiest response: "Tell the adult to go ask another adult."

More tips from the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children can be found here.

2. Use the buddy system.

"We can't be with our kids every minute of the day," said Callins. "Have a buddy system if your kids are of an age where they're riding bikes in the neighborhood or walking to friends' houses."

Particularly with summer months approaching and kids being more likely to be out of the house, it's important that kids are riding bikes, walking to the pool or exploring the neighborhood with other kids – not alone.

More safety tips for parents can be found on the National Children's Advocacy Center's website here.