I Feel Like I Am Fighting a War Against Myself

amother

Blonde

Tue, May 26 2015, 5:26 pm

November wrote:

I'm going to repeat some of the things that others have said. First is to declutter. It can be pans, toys, blankets, pens, clothes, whatever. You only have room for what can fit in your space. Take time to think about your storage space and how best to use it. Can you afford to hire someone to help you to get more organized? It could be worthwhile.

DH has a super organized cousin who loves coming for Shabbos. When he was here about a week ago, I told him I need his help. Unfortunately, it was already motzei Shabbos... I'm hoping that he'll be able to help me next time he comes.

bradybunch

Tue, May 26 2015, 10:21 pm

I think there are many of us who feel this way. I've spent too much time thinking about this, probably, but I really blame modern culture for a lot of it. There are multiple causes. To begin with, most of us probably grew up without much in the way of demanding physical work being expected of us. I know that I had minimal chore requirements. Sure, I worked hard at school, but that's not the same thing. So we didn't grow up learning to do work that we didn't enjoy doing. There is an attitude in modern culture that we shouldn't have to do things that we dislike. Also, in the modern world, things are so cheap that we accumulate large numbers of them, the vast majority of which we could do without. Then we are faced with houses full of junk we don't need, and no willpower to make ourselves deal with it.

I really like aslobcomesclean.com so thank you saw50st8 for that link. Unfortunately in many ways her advice is difficult for me because she has the benefit of being a SAHM or WAHM, as far as I can tell, whereas I have more on my plate than most people can imagine (no joke). I won't hijack this thread to discuss myself, although I do wish I had somebody to talk to about this. But I think the general principles are probably helpful for anybody. I've been trying to do something similar on my own for several months, with many bumps in the road. The hardest part is not judging myself and feeling awful when I don't get things done.

On that note, I am going to go finish the dishes, some of which are still not done from yom tov, before I sit down to finish a report for work before bed.

amother

Blonde

Wed, May 27 2015, 3:43 am

amother wrote:

I keep my expectations low.....Try to keep the bugs away and rodents..... Crumbs off the floor and dirty dishes in the sink. .....Laundry .....hope for the best.

I take pride in the fact the ants have not marched into my kitchen (yet) Smile

Amother, this was me (OP) before I started fighting. You forgot to write about mold.

I just found that it caused me to be very stressed. I have a small family, but my floor can't have random bits of garbage on it or they end up in my baby's mouth. I have to wash the hichair tray on a regular basis. Ditto the babies bib. (I have the kind that washes in the sink.)

saw50st8

Wed, May 27 2015, 7:01 am

amother wrote:

I'm sorry. I just looked at the board and saw my thread. I must have stopped following it by accident.
How am I doing? Honestly, about the same as I was doing before this thread. I got behind on dishes one day last week. IIRC, I was feeling super tired (not a lazy tired, a real tired) b/c my baby started waking up earlier. One day of skipping dishes snowballed... By Erev Shabbos/Shavous, I had no idea how I was going to get all of the dishes done. It was not a good situation b/c there were both milchig and fleishig dishes to be done and I have only one sink. I davened and b"H I finished the dishes, mopped the floor and put away laundry and made early Shabbos Smile

(We were guests. I don't think I've ever made early Shabbos on my own since I've gotten married.)

So far, things almost got out of control this week. I had to work motzei YT (at night). B"H, the next day I was able to do all of the YT dishes. If I hadn't... the kitchen would be chaotic. Since I did them, it's not. There still are more chores that need to be done. But, I had a hard day and my baby wouldn't sleep and I needed to work during the small amount of time that she actually slept.

The important thing is to get back up when you fall. I don't have a problem with dishes because I have two dishwashers. It was seriously a lifesaver. Now, if someone can only invent a self folding washing machine/dryer!! My clean laundry pile is a ridiculous mountain.

mo5

Wed, May 27 2015, 7:38 am

saw50st8 wrote:

I don't get around to folding laundry so quickly but I immediately sort the clean laundry into individual baskets (per child) so that at least finding clean clothes is easy and folding it (later) can be done, one basket at a time, and my older children can take their own basket to fold (or not).

zohar

Wed, May 27 2015, 11:02 am

bradybunch wrote:

While this may be the case for you and many others, I don't think that modern culture is a contributing factor for my organization. I had many chores as a child and teen. Actual responsibilities. It was my sisters and my responsibility to have the house fully cleaned every week. I know how to clean a bathroom and it actually is one of my easier jobs. (Because everything has a place in the bathroom and there is an exact way and routine to accomplish that chore.) For me, it is definitely my ADD that makes it difficult to focus on "unpleasant" chores. I do agree that the junk is a problem. It isn't even that much junk, but they don't have places and that's usually where I get frustrated.

amother

Blonde

Wed, May 27 2015, 11:05 am

zohar wrote:

We are similar. (OP) Sometimes I wonder how I would act if I took medication. But, overall, other than my messy house, I am doing well and I don't really want to get started w/ side effects.

zohar

Wed, May 27 2015, 12:35 pm

amother wrote:

We are similar. (OP) Sometimes I wonder how I would act if I took medication. But, overall, other than my messy house, I am doing well and I don't really want to get started w/ side effects.

Hi twin!

I feel the same way about medicating. Also, I know there is some trial and error to get the dosage and since I still want more children, I don't think it is practical to go on meds and have to go off during pregnancy and breast feeding. I also don't want to become dependant on meds.

Here are some tips that have helped me:
1. Cleaning help. As much as you can afford. Accept that housekeeping isn't your forte, and get as much help as possible.
2. Laundry. Get a hamper with three separate bags or just multiple hampers. Sort laundry as you throw into hamper. This way, when you have a minute to throw in a wash, you won't procrastinate because you are overwhelmed with the thought of sorting. You just throw the whole bag in the machine.
3. When you clean a room, don't leave the room to put things away. other wise you are going to take the phone and go to the kitchen where you put it on the base, but you notice a brush and you bring it to the bathroom. You see a magazine with an article that you wanted to read and guess what. You accomplished nothing. Rather make a pile (or a few piles for each room) of things don't belong in that room.

Miri7

Wed, May 27 2015, 12:46 pm

My friend taught me her trick for tidying her house and getting thing out back in their place. She had a laundry basket that she takes into a room, she cleans that room and puts all items that don't belong in that room into the basket. Then she moves to the next room. In each room she takes stuff that belongs in that room out of the basket and puts them away, and puts items that don't belong in that room into the basket.

I find that this trick keeps me from running back and forth around the house putting things away.

zohar

Wed, May 27 2015, 1:15 pm

Miri7 wrote:

I like this idea but the problem I am going to get into is when I go through all the rooms, I am going to have a bunch of things left over in the basket. And I am going to leave them there rather than making places for these items. Sad