2 yr old doesn't listen

solo

Wed, May 27 2015, 8:20 pm

I know ppl will say 2 yr olds aren't supposed to listen. But I don't know how to handle it. And I'm loosing my mind
Dd waits for me to tell her something so she can do the opposite. "Ok it's time to go upstairs for baths." She giggles and runs the other way. Same with dressing for outdoors. Sitting for a meal... She is willing to miss out on things she enjoys just for the thrill of disobeying. She loves to make messes and do dangerous things like grab a knife or run in the street.
I try not to react, or react nonchalantly unless it's something dangerous. If she doesn't sit for me to put on shoes we don't go out... When it involves her siblings and I don't want them to miss out I hold her down carry... I get really excited n praise good behavior.
It is getting so frustrating/ exhausting/ and sometimes inspires her siblings to misbehave.
She was the calmest sweetest baby.
What to do?

amother

Sienna

Thu, May 28 2015, 12:13 am

Dont give her the opportunity to "not listen"
Dont tell her want to do

Give her choices.

"sweety its almost time for a bath. Do you want to read 1 book now then take a bath and another book at bedtime or do you want to take a bath now and 2 books at bedtime"

Stop praising good behavior (I cant remember where I just read this over yom tov, but I think it was mishpacha.) When she listens dont respond with "that was good listening" or "good job" instead you should respond "Thank you for getting ready so quickly" or "I like how you put your shoes one without whining"

If she is not putting on shoes and you said "shoes or no going outside" you have to stick to the no going outside and make the other kid's suffer. You can either prevent that by getting a babysitter for the 2 year old and taking everyone else out. Or giving a final warning "we cant go out without shoes, but if we stay inside the kinderlach that had shoes will play a game with mommy." Some may say that causes jealousy, etc. However, I have heard chinuch speeches saying that it is okay for us to "do this to our child" because it is important for them to learn about cause and effect.

chani8

Thu, May 28 2015, 2:51 am

Talk little, do much. Be proactive, not reactive. No need for punishing.

The goal of this age is independence. So give it to her as much as possible. But put safety first.

I'd gate off the kitchen so she couldn't access any knives, or anything in the kitchen for that matter.

At bath time, I'd say, "bath time" with an encouraging smile, then gather her up and take her to the bath.

She doesn't want to put on shoes. I can live with that. Though at this age she should love to put on and off her shoes all by herself. Perhaps buy her velcro sandals, or shoes that are one size larger for easy on and off. Anyway, let her go without shoes if she insists. A few pebbles later, she'll possibly want her shoes on.

If she didn't want to sit nicely at the table, I'd set up a child's table, or strap her into a high chair/booster. If there is a child close in age above her, they love to sit at a child's table in their little chairs. Eventually they beg to sit at the table, especially on shobbos, like the big kids.

Running into the street. Hold her hand, carry her, or strap her into the stroller, whenever you are near a street.

Giggling and running the other way is delightful. You just have to run faster. Catch her and direct her toward your goal.