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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
Making a Bar mitzvah right after a move to a new place



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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 11:14 am
Wwyd. I have my sons 13th birthday coming up after succot. We are thinking of moving to a new state before the school year starts. This basically means that my son will only have a few weeks of school and getting to know the boys before his big day (considering half the time that we live there will be off for yomtov).
We don't have family in the state we are moving to.
Would you:
1)go back to the place we lived to make the bar mitzvah with his old class and friends? (But that means having to stay in other people's houses or a hotel to make our own simcha. Also I'll have a hard time making the party personal when arranging it from far away.)
2) make a bar mitzvah in the new place but with people we don't know well and figure out how to host both families (mine and my husband's parents and siblings) in a community where we don't have friends yet
3) take the family to Israel and make something small there (which will make my father upset, because it bothered him that my brother made a bar mitzvah there.)
4) other option (please state)
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amother
Linen


 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 11:57 am
Make the BM in the new place and invite DS' s whole class plus any neighborhood boys his age.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 12:05 pm
Two of my neighbors moved out of the neighborhood right before their son's Bar Mitzvah. They both stayed in the same city, but not really walkable. One family came back to the neighborhood for Shabbos. They had family in this neighborhood, so they stayed by the family and put up their guests by neighbors. They are very easygoing type of people, so I think they just wanted to be with friends and didn't let anything else bother them.

The other family made the Bar Mitzvah in their new home, they are both from small families, so they didn't have a lot of guests to put up. They were definitely sad not to have their friends there, but they couldn't see coming back to the neighborhood.

Maybe make a dinner party during the week in the old town, and have your friends and family there, so you don't have to deal with putting everyone up by other people. Then you can make just a small Kiddush on Shabbos for your new neighbors and his classmates.
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 12:07 pm
This might be a great opportunity to get to know your new neighbors quicker than you would otherwise.

Definitely have DS invite his new class, but he would probably be really happy if you let him invite a few close friends from his previous class/neighborhood.
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doctorima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 1:14 pm
Have you asked DS what he would prefer? Not that you will necessarily do it exactly as he wants, but this is a major milestone for him and will be remembered forever (hopefully positively), so he certainly should get some say about the arrangements.
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amother
Natural


 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 1:23 pm
I think you should make the party in the old community. You will enjoy yourselves more with friends and family. Then in the new place make a small dinner just for his class. You wont have anyone else to invite in the new place anyway so you wouldnt be able to have a bigger party there anyway.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 1:46 pm
amother wrote:

Maybe make a dinner party during the week in the old town, and have your friends and family there, so you don't have to deal with putting everyone up by other people. Then you can make just a small Kiddush on Shabbos for your new neighbors and his classmates.


Making a party in the old town will still mean finding places for my family since my family do not live driving distance from there (I lived near my husbands family) but since I know people there, it will be easier to find people to host then in a new place.
The new place isn't quick driving distance to either my family or my husband's family.
The new place we are moving to is more out of town, so classmates don't nessassarily live walking distance from each other for a shabbos together.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 1:49 pm
Rutabaga wrote:

Definitely have DS invite his new class, but he would probably be really happy if you let him invite a few close friends from his previous class/neighborhood.


I don't mind inviting his whole old class but it's more then a few hour drive, so not likely anyone will make the trip.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 1:50 pm
doctorima wrote:
Have you asked DS what he would prefer? Not that you will necessarily do it exactly as he wants, but this is a major milestone for him and will be remembered forever (hopefully positively), so he certainly should get some say about the arrangements.


He really isn't sure. He says we should wait till mid-October to move, but would really want my boys to start the new year in the new school .
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 1:51 pm
amother wrote:
I think you should make the party in the old community. You will enjoy yourselves more with friends and family. Then in the new place make a small dinner just for his class. You wont have anyone else to invite in the new place anyway so you wouldnt be able to have a bigger party there anyway.


Really leaning towards this suggestion.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 2:26 pm
Someone I know quite well was in the same situation, and the old place and the new place are not an easy driving distance. They decided to do the main simcha and party in the old place with their DS's close friends on Sunday, but the boy leyned and the family gave a Kiddush at the shul in the new place. There are 3-4 boys (and a few parents) who flew from their old place to the new community. I knew the family had a bit of difficulty requesting the new shul to have the newcomer boy leyin on Shabbos but all went well in the end, the family and the boy got the best of both worlds, in literal sense.
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Rutabaga




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 2:42 pm
I have an out of the box suggestion.

Are you still going to be living in your old location when it's time for your son to put on tefilin for the first time? If so, then make a nice breakfast for friends and family to celebrate with you there. Then make the bar mitzvah in the new location.
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 2:52 pm
amother wrote:
Really leaning towards this suggestion.


If you do this, and you can afford it, ask the boys' parents, and any close neighbors, to join you for dessert. That way you can start to meet people in the community.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 28 2015, 3:42 pm
Rutabaga wrote:
I have an out of the box suggestion.

Are you still going to be living in your old location when it's time for your son to put on tefilin for the first time? If so, then make a nice breakfast for friends and family to celebrate with you there. Then make the bar mitzvah in the new location.


I was also going to suggest, make a big party before you move. When he puts on tefillin is a good idea.

Then make a small class party on the day of his bar mitzva, and a kiddush in your new shul.
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Mon, Jun 01 2015, 12:47 pm
amother wrote:
Someone I know quite well was in the same situation, and the old place and the new place are not an easy driving distance. They decided to do the main simcha and party in the old place with their DS's close friends on Sunday, but the boy leyned and the family gave a Kiddush at the shul in the new place. There are 3-4 boys (and a few parents) who flew from their old place to the new community. I knew the family had a bit of difficulty requesting the new shul to have the newcomer boy leyin on Shabbos but all went well in the end, the family and the boy got the best of both worlds, in literal sense.


Nice idea to consider. Thanks
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Mon, Jun 01 2015, 12:49 pm
Rutabaga wrote:
I have an out of the box suggestion.

Are you still going to be living in your old location when it's time for your son to put on tefilin for the first time? If so, then make a nice breakfast for friends and family to celebrate with you there. Then make the bar mitzvah in the new location.


Hachnasas tefillin is in the summer. All his friends will be at camp. (He's only going one month cuz he didn't want to make his HT there)
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 01 2015, 1:56 pm
You can still make a party before you move, maybe a siyum If not the tefillin?
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