How can anyone ever be happy?

5mom

Fri, Jun 12 2015, 8:10 am

Why is everyone so down on op? She is being honest. It's' wonderful that some people want nothing but world peace and inner bliss. It's even nicer to be kind, whether or not you relate.
People are different. She knows that some things would make her happy and she doesn't have them. You can control how you act, but it's a lot harder to control what you want
Op, I hope you are blessed with whatever brings you joy.

PinkFridge

Fri, Jun 12 2015, 9:29 am

sneakermom wrote:

One level of happy means not being traumatized. A person can choose to be happy as long as circumstances are reasonable. For example if a person is burning in a flame they are being consumed and they can only feel pain. Happy doesn't come into the picture.

But if a person is living life with the normal or even above normal ups and downs, and relative health he is free enough to choose to be grateful, to be happy.

There is a very high level that victor frankel discusses in which a person can find himself in terrible circumstances (he was in a concentration camp) and find joy in controlling ones mind. Using the brain to hold onto ones humanity. The piece that no one can take away from you.

But if you focus on external things to make you happy you will find that you are never satiated. A person is never rich enough, pretty enough or respected enough or free of vulnerability. And these things are mostly out of our control.

When we focus on our bechira. Making choices. Focusing on what we CAN do. Then that in itself brings real joy.

Rebbetzin Kramer (the Holy Woman of Sara Yoheved Rigler's book) said that Auschwitz was not a bad place(!?!? - yes, that's the universal reaction) because she could still do mitzvos and as you said, live with her humanity.

There's another story I've told often, and if anyone knows the rav, I'd be grateful for more details. A few years ago an older Hungarian born DL rav passed away around Tishrei. I heard this story about him over Succos, from someone who couldn't remember the name or track down the article he read: When he was a teen in a concentration camp, he told someone older that he saw no reason to live. Before the war he was learning really well, with hopes and dreams and now they were all gone. The older person asked, why do you want to learn? The (teenage at the time) rav wondered ?!?!? Wasn't it obvious why? To do the ratzon Hashem and come close to him. The older person said, right now it's the ratzon Hashem that you be here. You are still doing the ratzon Hashem with your every breath.

Yes, this is an exalted mindset, but if we know the stories, we can draw on them when we need to tap into our inner strengths.

Good post!

PinkFridge

Fri, Jun 12 2015, 9:32 am

Liebs wrote:

If you want perfect family you'll NEVER be happy because only G-D is perfect and he perfectly created us imperfect humans. I love my perfectly imperfect family!!! And trust me they are really not perfect....
Trying to find good qualities to appreciate or accepting the difficulties in life....trying to be grateful.
I'm pretty happy despite my some VERY difficult nisyonos which I don't wish on anyone!!

http://www.amazon.com/Perfect-.....58304

miami85

Fri, Jun 12 2015, 9:40 am

I've heard this in speeches from several speakers, not remembering who exactly but in short: According to Thomas Jefferson the inalienable rights of a person are "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." If you are constantly thinking that you want more, need more, that person has more etc... then you will never be happy. If you are thinking that "if only I had ______ then I will be happy" then your happiness is dependent on external things. When you think about and realize all the good that HaShem does for you on a daily basis, it just makes you happy! G-d loves you! Two days ago, I almost had an accident that could've had serious consequences but I came away with it with a few scratches--when I think about what happened it was scary, but knowing that I'm ok--HaShem must love me! And that makes me happy!

imasoftov

Fri, Jun 12 2015, 10:01 am

5mom wrote:

I've been more critical in other threads than in this one, but none of us should assume that everyone wants the same things.