Kavod harav? Kavod harebbetzin?

amother

Taupe

Sun, Jun 14 2015, 2:16 am

On the long shabbos afternoons of the summer my shul sisterhood arranges a monthly shaleshudis for the women. It's a lovely opportunity for the men to spend quality time feeding their children and dealing with bedtime while the women can relax while eating yummy food and being inspired by Torah. Women volunteer to host, cook/bake, and speak. Once a summer the speaker is our shul's rav, as was the case today.

I happened to notice the following and have been wondering about it ever since. It was quite warm today and everyone headed straight for a cold drink when they arrived at the shaleshudis. When the rabbi came, a woman quickly poured him a drink of water. However, instead of handing the cup directly to the rabbi, she gave it to the rebbetzin to give to her husband.

So I was wondering: is that a thing? Is there a halacha or minhag or sensitivity to do so? But what if the wife is in niddah?

Some details that may or may not make a difference to your responses:
This is a mixed MO, right wing YU, and slightly yeshivish community.
The woman who poured the water is married to a rebbe (not a shul rabbi) and they are good friends with the rabbi and rebbetzin.
The rebbetzin is (as far as I know) neither pregnant nor menopausal such that one can safely presume that she is not in niddah.

Iymnok

Sun, Jun 14 2015, 2:56 am

It may be for kavod. A different woman giving him a drink in front of his wife may make one or both of them uncomfortable. The wife could put it down in front of him and he may drink it later, or figure out something like we all do.

amother

Smokey

Sun, Jun 14 2015, 7:55 am

This is how I see it ( as the wife of a rabbi)
1. The lady was indirecting telling the Rebbetzin make sure to take care of your husband. The wife can put the cup down next to her husband, she doesn't have to give it to him in his hand.
--OR--
2. She didn't think it was tzniut to give another lady's husband a drink.

Pooh

Sun, Jun 14 2015, 10:09 am

When the talmidim of my husbands yeshiva come over for Shabat they don't directly hand or take from my hand anything. They pass to my husband to pass to me (plate to serve food, desert, etc) so it probably is a thing. Just like its Asur during nida to pass between husband and wife since its a gesture of chiva so they don't wanna have this w strangers husbands or wives.