I can't handle him anymore!!!!

amother

Lilac

Mon, Jun 15 2015, 12:40 pm

My 12ds. I can't handle him anymore!!! I really don't know what to do. Part is teen and also him. When he was around 8-9, I took him to a shrink. He went on and off for a couple of years. He's a normal boy, very smart k'h, but very normal. Basically the therapists said was to make sure we're consistent. We've been trying and he has been much better. I didn't even say what's "wrong" with him, but I don't know. Nothing really. Yesterday, his 5 year old brother was sitting by the table coloring nicely and he walks by and takes one of his crayons. I asked him why he did that, but he had no answer. He's not the oldest, but the oldest at home right now. He's a huge instigator. That's really his biggest problem. I'm fed up with him. I can't handle it anymore. I can't share this with my dh because my dh has less patience than me. He my ds, comes home for lunch and I asked him to please ask the school for something that I need. I asked them and they didn't do it yet, so instead of me going there, I asked him to please do it. He basically said no, he doesn't want to. For that, is no big deal, but with all the issues with him, I had enough!! I feel absolutely horrible!! I tried to build up his self esteem even though he says he's fine in that department. I forgot to mention, he's a little of a bully to his siblings, not school though. Sorry for the rambling and no paragraphs. I don't know what I want. How to handle him or how I should be. I don't know, but thank you for letting me get that out here and not at him.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jun 15 2015, 1:11 pm

Sorry, no answers, just hugs.

My 12yo DD and I nearly came to blows last night. It was epic drama, and we both overreacted. I'm embarrassed now just to think about the way we behaved.

All I can say is, remember that YOU are the adult, and you have to keep modeling adult behavior, even though your child makes you want to retaliate in kind.

Hug

black sheep

Mon, Jun 15 2015, 1:25 pm

I am happy you came here to vent instead of letting it out on him. teenagers are the real test of parenthood.

lately, I have been reading a lot about teenagehood. mostly articles online, who has time for books? educating myself on the craziness that is called teenagers. one of my teens is the most mature teenager you ever met, I am constantly being told how great he is, he babysits outside the home and other parents seem to think he is very responsible and mature, so it makes no sense to me when he picks a fight with his six year old brother, for example, or responds to simple requests with extreme chutzpah. but I am learning that this is all part of the teenage brain learning to handle life. their brains are trying to make sense of the hormone surges and other things going on in their maturing bodies. they are trying to make sense of the scariness that comes along with realizing you are getting taller than your parents, and becoming an adult. they are impulsive and are learning to get control over themselves by trial and error. brains are developing until about 20 years old, so a teenager might look like an adult, but he is closer to a six year old in mental maturity.

all this is a lot of psychobabble, but it helps me remember that they are really oversize babies. I try my best to never take anything personally, sometimes even take a step back and you can laugh at the situation. it is not so bad for them to see you get upset by their behavior, because they are learning about life through trial and error and they need to see the natural responses to what they do, but you have to be careful to also show them restraint and love. I have started saying, "I am upset at you right now, and I am disengaging from this conversation until we can both speak more calmly."

also, I can tell you from experience that 12 is probably the worst age, it gets better as they get a bit older.