I don't have a relationship with him

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 10:07 pm

It just hit me that I don't really have much of a relationship with my almost two year old. My four year old is now easy to talk to and do fun things with, and also goes to school, so he's not around all day. The two year old is harder to deal with and is home all day. DH recently pointed out that he thinks I don't interact with him enough. He may be right. The toddler still nurses and that's pretty much the extent of our interaction. I find him whiny and also super wild and in general toddler play is mindnumbingly boring to me (I found that to be true with my oldest as well) and I end up playing with my phone a lot and just anything to make the day go quicker and bedtime to come. I'm in survival mode. Now I'm pregnant and it hit me that he's going to be shunted aside by the baby and be a middle child and all that comes with that, and I've wasted his babyhood! My heart hurts for him. Will he know I love him? Can I build a relationship with him? Maybe it will come as he gets older and more verbal (I seem to relate better to older kids)? What can I do to make up for this?

Dolly Welsh

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 10:29 pm

There, there.

Hormones.

Sit on the floor. Put the phone away. Just watch him do things. Pretend it's a screen saver. He will let you know if and when he needs a bit of interacting. Have a lot of little stuff around to do, including soft balls to throw and fetch. Put on some music.

But no headphones. I would say, no TV. Simply watch him. You don't have to talk a whole lot.

If you get bored, sing. To nobody in particular. He will be very interested.

Force your face into a smile. That means a lot to children. Simply haul the sides of your mouth up. They will get the idea; responding to a smiling face is hardwired from birth.

Make animal noises and laugh about that. Clap for no reason in particular. You do NOT have to make sense. I don't care if you bang away on a triangle. Ding ding.

Tickle.

Simply gaze at him.

It is probable you are tired enough to appreciate some lying down or reclining on the floor. You can put down a blanket and pillow. Remember, everybody needs a few germs to develop their immune system.

SRB

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 10:33 pm

Good your are recognizing this now. Perhaps you should focus on watching and witnessing his development and discovery of his new world and abilities rather than the actual activity. Focus on teaching him new thing and try to find amazement in his growth. take him places you also enjoy like the park or beach or aquarium. I took my 16 month old DS to the aquarium for his first time the other day - the had a tank where we could touch the fish... It was so fun... We both enjoyed. Perhaps enroll in a mommy and me class so you can talk with other parents during some of the activities. Is it possible your dc is wild and whiny because he wants you to interact with him or needs more/less/different stimulation?

amother

Wheat

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 10:33 pm

I don't know if this would help but perhaps you could take a class together with your son (music, gym, swim, story time, etc.). This would give the two of you something to enjoy together with the added bonus of a change in scenery.

MagentaYenta

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 10:44 pm

Toddlers are wonderful little learning machines. Take him for a walk through a public garden to experience the scents of flowers, get messy finger painting, find shape and size stacking toys, so that he can learn to match shape and colors. Find some board or fabric books you can read to him, sing to him, make up silly rhymes about his arms, hands, feet, head and toes so he can learn the names for his major body parts. Do a google and learn about shadow puppets that you make with your hands. Roll a ball back and forth between the two of you on the floor and have your other son join in. Once he gets experienced with 'catching' the large ball move down a size, this is great for eye hand coordination and motor skills. This is a wonderful time to reintroduce your inner child to play once again.

amother

Papaya

Tue, Jun 23 2015, 11:44 pm

ITA with all the suggestions above but I also think honestly that your ds might benefit from being in school at least part time. At least then he would get more attention social interaction and structured activities.