How do frum people have tons of kids and be sane?

alittlebirdie

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 8:57 am

Hang in there. They all grow up. Eventually. The more the merrier. As they grow up they entertain each other. Don't try to be a perfectionist and get help your not a better mother if u clean your toilets personally. Rebbetzin braunstein a"h always told us mothers "rather serve peanut butter sandwiches all week and get help with the cleaning than to serve expensive meals and have to do all the cleaning yourself"

Mommy82

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 9:58 am

Whoa! Okay, I have a bunch of kids, B"H and I admit that I s/t get overwhelmed. But instead of counting down the yrs. till they grow up and help more and get easier etc, I made a conscience decision a few yrs. ago that I'm just going to have to focus on the positive things of the present or I'll never feel calm and happy. I'm not saying not to take a break if one needs it. But whether you're taking a break or not, you can try to enjoy the stage you're at. That alone makes me so much calmer and happier. My oldest is a preteen (yeah, fun, I know) and I'm juggling a lot. But when I see ppl who are thinking "Yeah, when they get older it'll get easier" and then "When they get married. . ." there's really no end if you want to be hosting grandkids . . . So, enjoy the present. Make alone time for yourself and yourself w/ dh and don't compare how ur managing w/ s/o else. cuz u never really know what's going on next door and who cares! You're not them!

practically speaking, for those w/ just a few who are feeling overwhelmed: check where u can be easier on yourselves. whether its making simpler meals, not having the house spotless, using paper goods, and (dare I say?) not bathing the kids every night! Keep your priorities in check and enjoy the brachos in your life!

anonymous458

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 11:53 am

I agree with OP
It was very hard with 2, but it does get easier as they get older. One reason for me specifically was because they could play with each other and it was not only me entertaining.

Also, I agree with Mommy82. I try to use this with everything in my life. If I keep waiting for "just this stage to pass" I will never be enjoying the present. I try to focus on the positive so that I can enjoy my life more. I am not saying that OP is complaining, just that I agree with Mommy82's point.

Ima_Shelli

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 12:56 pm

I have a few little ones ka'h, close together in age. Seriously, I stay sane by having a career that I love. Weekends are hardest, since I am home all day and running after my adorable kiddos, which can be exhausting. But weekdays where we have a routine and they go to school/playgroup/babysitter during the day and I air my head out by doing something I love at work make me a much better mother. I know there are many who disagree with my approach, but I've found that during extended time off from my job (e.g. maternity leave) I am just a more bored and generally more impatient mother, not a better one.

Mommy82

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 1:05 pm

It's not a matter of anyone agreeing or disagreeing w/ your approach, rather that each person needs to do what works for herself to stay sane and a good mommy. For one person it's working out of the house for a bit, for another it's an exercise class and another it's doing a craft. Seriously! Take out time for yourself when u need it so u can be a good Mommy when u r w/ them.

Mommy82

Mon, Jun 29 2015, 1:10 pm

I recently heard a mother of grown-up children reminisce. It was funny- she said she used to think its only little kids that keep u up at night, but its not true. Teens just keep u up differently- by finally deciding to confide in u abt s/t right as ur abt to call it a night, so u end up staying up for the next several hrs!!