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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
Beige
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 12:54 pm
ds has a nuvo music system. dh installed alot of stories and music. he doesnt know how to navigate it. so I need to help him. when he messes it up I need to fix it which isnt major. but he never tells me what stories he wants and I always have to go through them which is a long list. then he asks me for something I have no idea what it is. its frustrating. I orginally said I dont know how to deal with it. I usually leave it to dh. he knows how to get him what he wants. I mentioned so many times that I dont know how to do it. but this time he nudged me and I said ok, I will try. but again I couldnt find what he wanted. so I raised my voice in frustration and then he started to cry and yell. thats how it ended. I feel so down that I yelled and lost it for such a small thing. I could have said it nicely I cant do it and walked away. I actually did it but he begged me after the first try when I couldnt do it. so I tried again. I am angry at him. why does he push me when he knows I cant? he had no patience to wait till dh would come home . now I gave him a consenquence that he yelled at me after I tried to help him. is it right? I started to yell first. he gave so much pressure. I love to help. but it bothers me I lost it.
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imasinger
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Mon, Jun 29 2015, 2:15 pm
It sounds like what you did isn't necessarily the best way to handle the situation, but it's not the end of the world, either.
Basically, it sounds like he pushed, you told him no, he pushed some more, you agreed to try to help, but couldn't. Then, you yelled because you were frustrated, and then he yelled, probably in part because you did, and then you punished him for yelling. When you look at it in black and white, it's not really fair. Yes, you were trying trying to help him at first, but after that failed, you gave him the message that it is OK for you to yell, but not for him. So, no surprise that you aren't feeling happy about how you handled it. Sometimes, when I lose it and yell at my kids, I tell them I'm going to put myself in a time-out for a few minutes!
You might want to work on giving a consequence if he doesn't take "no" for an answer the first time; then, you may avoid getting to that point. Warn him first that this will be the new rule. It is useful to stick to your guns with kids, because they will push and push and push. If you are firm as to the limits you think are fair, you will be less likely to lose control. And hopefully, he will eventually learn.
You might also encourage him and DH to sit down together so that he can learn how to do for himself what he wants. Or, if he is too little, maybe DH would be willing to teach you, if it's not a big deal.
All that being said, this is a minor mishap, and it will probably blow over quickly.
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